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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#301
post #69

I'm 42 and last year moved back to my home country. We wanted to throw a housewarming party but getting enough people in one place on a specific day at a specific time seemed like an impossible challenge. Everybody had busy schedules for their precious August weekends anyway. We ended up doing a full-weekend party where people could drop by whenever they can. The first guests came on Friday around 6 pm and the last o…

A weekend long party is a great idea, thanks.

You are right that making more than one person agree on a time gets increasingly difficult as age increases. I tend to be the one that travels to friend's homes, because I have a less crowded agenda than most of them.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#302

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That quote always bothered me because I don't think it's accurate on either a personal or societal level. It's not a good model for viewing the world. It's one of those things that rings true but when you actually think about it it's hard to find it actually mapping to reality or having any predictive power

What?? I actually think it maps pretty well to the reality. I have seen it at a personal level in my social circle and at a broad level of civilizations.

I was going to post the same complaint as the parent comment; for example:

"Hard times create strong men" - maybe, but starvation doesn't make you strong. Being dead from disease doesn't make you strong. Rising to adversity might make some people stronger, but it will harm others who survive but are damaged. It could be that the already-strong people rise to adversity and the weak get crushed by it, Darwinianly? Or that the weak endure through hard times as much as anyone because hard times are generally about health food or money and even 'weak' beggers can get enough of those to survive. Today's homeless are generally enduring lack of food, poor health, low money, and nobody considers them being made 'strong' by it, they're harmed by it.

"strong men create good times" - warriors are strong, barbarian raiders were strong, unpleasant bosses who abuse their workforce and reign by terror are strong, those are horrible times. Is there a connection between strong people and good times? What about average people who are neither weak nor strong, working in concert? What about people who are generally considered weak, but are thinking long term planting the trees that will shade tomorrow, community building, etc?

"good times create weak men" - do they? Do they necessarily? Why is this framing "good" as "bad"? Wouldn't going to the gym regularly and getting stronger be "good times" for someone? Wouldn't working the family farm hard, being physically strong and providing for your family, be good times and not making you weak? Is it luxury which makes people weak - previous point, do strong people create luxury specifically?

"weak men create hard times" - do they? Plenty of strong people (dictators, for example) have created hard times for millions. Plenty of weak people have had no impact on the times at all. Isn't the history of progress littered with people who were "a weak and sickly child" who spent their lives hiding indoors, thinking about math, died young, and changed the world - were they making hard times?

It's connected to the 'one generation makes family wealth by working hard, next generation preserves it but can't build it, next generation spends it'. In that, the hard times are where you have no money and have to work. The good times are where you have money and no work. The next hard times are where you lose the money and have to work again. But then, getting back into work and earning money is a homeless unemployed person's good times, life on the up.

At the 'level of civilizations' it's far too vague to say the fall of Rome was caused by "weak men" or that the rise of Rome was caused by "hard times".

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#303

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Where in Ireland? And to be fair there's loads of Spanish and Brazilian students here (they tell me it's a good place to practice English, or was before the housing crisis), which does help keep the place lively I don't go out a lot but in fairness I remember back in the day seeing plenty of post-60 people up late and out and about.

I meant Belfast specifically, and across Ulster more generally (Derry and Donegal would be hotspots), but I know there's good and multi-national craic in at least Cork and Galway as well. Might be less in the Pale but I don't really know; I just take my not knowing to mean it must not be there as strongly or otherwise I'd hear about it. Re: the students, that's true but there are also plenty of students from other pa…

If/when you're in Amsterdam and into punk rock dive bars, Cafe The Minds is mixed and diverse and inclusive, unlike the other boring uniform venues you describe. It's not the only exception that proves the rule, but some of the other wonderfully mixed venues like Korsakoff have closed long ago or during Covid, unfortunately. In the gay scene, de Trut is still going strong every Sunday night, and is totally welcoming and inclusive to different types, genders, ages, social status, etc!

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#304
post #220

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

I'm not sure controversial issues and neuroticism breaking up parties is new whatsoever. I have read too many things that sound exactly like what you've written from the 70s, 50s, 30s, 20s, 10s, 1880s, ..... Even in the 1500s aristocrats in France complained about throwing fewer "parties" because of the spicy topic of Catholic vs Protestant. Generally, if parties are decreasing, I would argue it is more because there…

"I'm sorry I ruined your Black Panther Party."

Forrest Gump

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#305

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

For me, I find parties at the niche conventions I go to the most fun. At these conventions are tons of like minded people who are into the same weird stuff and it's easy to do get togethers after days at speakers and exhibits and have great conversations. The problem with the modern world is people who live next to each other aren't really forced to be in the same culture. Especially in big cities, everyone plugs in and lives in their strange niche no one else cares about or worse polarized echo chambers.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#307

One thing I observed moving cities recently, and realized has been true for much of my life: there's a pretty small number of people who actually organize things. As the density of your social network naturally decreases, you may have lost a few eigenvector-central social network nodes. Think back to those work parties: were they really spontaneous, or did "Janice in Accounting" always seem to step up? For me, there…

>there's a pretty small number of people who actually organize things

I think this is very true. Back in the day, I was 'the instigator'. I'd phone a couple of friends, and soon enough, Saturday night would be 'on'. If I didn't do it, it generally didn't happen. They wanted to go out, but never enough to actually organize it. 20 years on, I'm remembering my role and trying to make more things happen, particularly as I'm not on any Social Media, so have dropped off the passive radar of a number of my friends.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#308
Your hypotheses are all false. I partied harder than my parents when we were young adults, but they partied much harder than me in middle age. The decline in festive activity is observed in diverse data and began years before COVID.

The dominant politico-social order in the West has become Puritan in many respects, from drug use to purity of food to purity of beliefs. This may have something to do with it. Or maybe they have a common cause, like the declining rate of economic growth. Or maybe it's substitution of online activity for IRL activity.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#309
post #280

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

I think you've rediscovered why the potluck was invented. Maintaining the purity of your bodily fluids by only drinking rain water mixed with pure grain alcohol? Great, bring some over and talk to the paleo-pesco-vegan about how well it pairs with phish and wild-caught twigs and berries.

Rain water isn't even safe to drink anymore.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#310
post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At least in the US, extreme political polarization has also made it so ~40% of people won't even hang out or party with another ~40% of people, and vice versa. I've got friends on both sides, and I'd never be able to host a successful party that included them all. People can't leave that shit at home anymore.

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The gold and vitamins is because anything to the right of NPR has trouble getting advertisers. There's a podcast I listen to called The China Show that is dedicated to news about things going on in China that's critical of China. They have tons of listeners but have to have the absolute most awful advertisers like online gambling sites because nobody wants to risk being their sponsor and pissing off the Chinese government.

With regards to the Chesterton fence, I don't discuss vax politics with anyone at this point unless they signal that they have a deep understanding. That goes for most conspiracy stuff too. That's because even if they are totally open and desiring to hear to my position, the information is so segregated based on what media one pays attention to, I'll end up giving a big 30 minute stump speech explaining all the stuff they never heard of because they don't listen to alt. media and it's just annoying and a one-sided conversation that I'd rather not have. Better that they go listen to a podcast or something if they're interested than waste time on that sort of one-sided conversation.

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