Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

261–270 of 440 posts

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#261

Post by User23 »

ryandrake wrote: post #233
rank0 wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This idea is something if felt but have been unable to articulate. For example, one of my very close friends is an ultra progressive guy. He’s vegan and talks a lot about personal responsibility to combat climate change. He was condemning people partying at my house for using disposable vapes since the packaging and plastic is wasteful…never mind the 6 pack of beer bottles he brought! Another close friend is borderli…

At least in the US, extreme political polarization has also made it so ~40% of people won't even hang out or party with another ~40% of people, and vice versa. I've got friends on both sides, and I'd never be able to host a successful party that included them all. People can't leave that shit at home anymore.

[flagged]

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#262

Post by pnathan »

CalRobert wrote: post #105

Well, there's https://twitter.com/defconparties of course. I just spent a good amount of time talking to a therapist (first time) about how painfully lonely I am. I moved to the countryside because the city was too unaffordable but friends I used to see a couple times a month are now a couple times a year. And I just had my 40th where my wife invited one of her friends (another couple with kids) and it was nice, but…

> Maybe it'll pick up again in a decade or so when I'm not getting summoned to wipe a kid's butt or screamed at because I used the wrong cup or plate but it doesn't really feel like

when it's this time of life, this part really sucks.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#264

Post by r00fus »

jonathanstrange wrote: post #179

Speaking for myself, I went to every party (invited or not) with my group of friends when we were 18. In the mid twenties we went to almost every party we were invited to. By the early 30s, we all moved to separate places far away abroad. Me and my girlfriend went to a few parties by colleagues of mine at our new country of residence, and they were nice but not really interesting (too many kids, more like family even…

I find the parents of my kid's friends are pretty cool usually and since I have a long commute my coworkers don't live near me - we end up spending decent time with them.

As to alcohol - I try to limit aggressively. It ruins my sleep these days. I prefer edibles anyway (if that's legal where you live).

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#265

Post by motohagiography »

QUrprUd1nCeicw wrote: post #209
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

As someone who has health problems that forcibly put me in at least a few of those "discretionary lifestyle demands," it's a little condescending for you to just dismiss it later as "neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity." The worst is probably COVID-related -- immunocompromised people have been complaining for these past couple of years about how the world just stopped taking COVID seriously and they stil…

A generation of immunocompromised guys with AIDS built the entire electronic music and rave scene in the 80s and 90s, the fashion business, and most of the culture you consume today. It's not condescending if your issues are in fact discretionary.

I travel with someone who will die within an hour of exposure to peanuts, regularly spend time with people in their 80's and 90s who have been on deaths door for years, ride motorcycles with guys in their 70s and if they have a random spill, they're guaranteed dead. I see women in their 70's thrown from the backs of horses, often twice in the same ride. I drink with guys between chemo appointments, smoke cigars with guys who have colostomy bags, and saw a friend perform a spectacular monologue when he knew it was the last time in his life that he would give it.

These vulnerabilities are not lifestyle choices, and yet they manage. The difference between "I will actually die," and "I could die" is a matter of perception, and the world doesn't stop for any of us. Actual lifestyle choices which are a selective constraint as a substitute for achievement are uniquely prevalent today, and I think, socially suffocating.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#266

Post by floren »

snapcaster wrote: post #237
spoiler wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

That quote always bothered me because I don't think it's accurate on either a personal or societal level. It's not a good model for viewing the world. It's one of those things that rings true but when you actually think about it it's hard to find it actually mapping to reality or having any predictive power

Right, I've never heard somebody quote it and declare that we're currently in the hard times. Its only purpose is to let other people know that you consider them unwise and soon they'll be sorry.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#267

Post by MisterBastahrd »

In all likelihood, your peer group had many fewer obligations 10 years ago than it did now. Fewer people with families. Fewer people in management positions. They now have more obligations and less energy. And as people go along in their lives, they tend to have fewer and fewer strong bonds outside of the family, which they prioritize. That's normal. What isn't normal is how many people have their free time eaten up by non-hobbies. My dad's generation was certainly more handy with general repairs and carpentry than mine is. Fewer shared hobbies equals fewer shared experiences. A guy who you know nothing else about can still talk to you about the best way to install drywall. These are prompts for potential friendships that we no longer get nowadays.

Back home in Louisiana, we primarily have three types of get-togethers.

The first is a seafood boil, which usually happens in the spring and early summer months. Everyone takes turns paying for and hosting a feast for friends and family, and everyone in the family groups are invited. The kids do kid things, and the adults sit around and eat, drink, and be merry.

The second type is festivals. These are community-wide events that all happen on different weekends, usually in the autumn. The Des Allemands Catfish Festival will be scheduled on a different weekend than the Luling Alligator Festival, which will also be on a different weekend than the Destrehan Fall Festival. Most of the same people show up to these festivals, so you can always run into and enjoy the company of someone you know.

The third type is Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras isn't a day as much as it is a season. While the media tends to focus on the drinking and debauchery that occurs on Bourbon Street, the vast majority of these parades are small community organizations that just want to give everyone a good time. If you're on a float, you're having a party. If you're catching beads, you're also having a good time with your community. People will schedule the time and location they're gonna be at the parades and be there to have a few beers and catch a few beads. There's even an entire hobby that revolves around the collectible memorabilia from those parades.

So... congratulations. You've made it to older age.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#268

Post by RestlessMind »

snapcaster wrote: post #237
spoiler wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

That quote always bothered me because I don't think it's accurate on either a personal or societal level. It's not a good model for viewing the world. It's one of those things that rings true but when you actually think about it it's hard to find it actually mapping to reality or having any predictive power

What?? I actually think it maps pretty well to the reality. I have seen it at a personal level in my social circle and at a broad level of civilizations.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#269

Post by tluyben2 »

I am close to 50 and I get invited to parties a few times a week; in and around the summer and December, that becomes daily. The past 30+ years there are very few weeks I haven’t been to at least one. Of course the term ‘party’ can mean many things to many people, but you named a few and those I go to. And also sometimes to raves in the mountains nearby, and sometimes to bands.

I do work on friendships and social life; I select new places to live based on the liveliness of the place, but also the willingness to connect (which doesn’t happen everywhere; too cliquey).

My friends from school/college have different lives and didn’t fit (maybe like you are experiencing), so I make new ones to fit with my stages in life.

Post reply on HN