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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#231

Post by [deleted] »

QUrprUd1nCeicw wrote: post #209
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

As someone who has health problems that forcibly put me in at least a few of those "discretionary lifestyle demands," it's a little condescending for you to just dismiss it later as "neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity." The worst is probably COVID-related -- immunocompromised people have been complaining for these past couple of years about how the world just stopped taking COVID seriously and they stil…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#232

Post by dec0dedab0de »

For me, being the first one to become a parent meant saying no thank you to so many invites that they stopped coming. Then aging has dwindled the number of friends I stay in touch with. Covid sure affected things quite a bit, as did breakups and fights between mutual friends, so groups that used to hang out can no longer. Being single as more and more people get married has also been an issue.

For society at large I know many people who still haven't cleaned their home from covid. And for those that are still working from home, it's harder to invite people over to a party at your office.

But for the trend before covid, I think the recent political divides may have had an impact. People on the "left" and "right" are reluctant to socialize with each other, and people in the middle don't want to hear it from either of them. For example, seeing a friend share political memes might make someone think that person will be annoying to be around, and not worth it.

But really I think as we get older less and less people host parties. I know I tried to host them a few times, but I hate it, so I stopped. Certain people are "entertainers" if you're the entertainers in your group, then it falls on you to throw the parties.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#233

Post by ryandrake »

rank0 wrote: post #199
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

This idea is something if felt but have been unable to articulate. For example, one of my very close friends is an ultra progressive guy. He’s vegan and talks a lot about personal responsibility to combat climate change. He was condemning people partying at my house for using disposable vapes since the packaging and plastic is wasteful…never mind the 6 pack of beer bottles he brought! Another close friend is borderli…

At least in the US, extreme political polarization has also made it so ~40% of people won't even hang out or party with another ~40% of people, and vice versa. I've got friends on both sides, and I'd never be able to host a successful party that included them all. People can't leave that shit at home anymore.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#234

Post by bowsamic »

Honestly it just feels like people have less energy these days. People seem more lethargic and they just want to relax alone. I am only 28 and no one my age parties anymore within my vicinity. Even when I was growing up when my dad was 40 he would throw constant parties.

I've also heard that the zoomers don't want to drink or anything, which is pretty surprising to me. I think I caught the end of the crazy drinking party culture when I was at uni around age 20.

People just seem tired and sedated.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#235

Post by intrasight »

molsongolden wrote: post #127

Remote work is hurting local networks for a lot of people. It's true that it's possible to build community outside of work but it takes intentional effort. We spend so many hours at work that it's a natural place for adults to build community and meet acquaintances. Situation 1 - Years of working in an office with coworkers, attending events, meeting customers in the community. Eventually you end up with a handful of…

I bought that book recently, as I want to become more of an organizer.

I vaguely recall socializing with co-workers - like back in the '90s. I don't recall it having been a great experience. You don't choose you co-workers.

My good friends now fall into three groups: 1) old high school or college friends, 2) parents of daughter's friends friends, 3) gym-rat/marathon friends. The groups don't overlap. Still LOTS of parties - especially the fitness clan. The vast majority I don't go to, because I'd be out partying a couple times a week.

I'm pretty introverted so I guess I'm just lucky to have strong friends circles. But you are correct that it takes intentional effort.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#236

Post by whstl »

pcdoyle wrote: post #217
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

I must be incredibly lucky because I am a millennial and this is not my experience with my social circles. We have a game night almost every week (5+ people), and usually a few parties a year (15+ people) with no drama or fuss. Is this not normal? Is it different depending on the area you grow up in?

It is normal. I still have the same group of (college years) friends since the early 2000s, and the same group of co-workers from 2016-2019.

The only reason we don't meet weekly anymore is because I moved to another country, for career growth.

I'm betting my reality is also very common for people who grew on small towns and had to move, or for people who live in large countries where you often move around for jobs (like the USA).

I'm flying to Paris to meet one of those friends this weekend, though. But I doubt a lot of people have the money to do this on a whim like we (tech workers) do.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#237

Post by snapcaster »

spoiler wrote: post #206
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

That quote always bothered me because I don't think it's accurate on either a personal or societal level. It's not a good model for viewing the world. It's one of those things that rings true but when you actually think about it it's hard to find it actually mapping to reality or having any predictive power

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#238

Post by dr_orpheus »

bmj wrote: post #79

I just turned 50. About 30 people showed up for the party my wife threw for me, and those were exactly the people I wanted to be there. I'm guessing my definition of "party" may be different from yours, but in the last two months, the community we've embedded ourselves in (via our church) has gotten together for my birthday, the darkest night of the year, and New Year's eve. These aren't raucous affairs, but rather 2…

More generally, I think that finding a local community group with a common interest is key here to generating social connections. The common interest is not everything but it is the spark to try and start those connections.

Conversely, I have found it very hard to just establish connection to my local community (i.e. my neighbors) without any sort of central interest. The few of us who are close friends have tried to reach out and create more of a community and have hosted block parties and BBQ's in our neighborhood. But everyone else is still just "my neighbor" to me and not "my friend".

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#239

Post by lotsoweiners »

bennyelv wrote: post #103
majikaja wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Perhaps dropping to a single income would make kids a more tolerable experience.

Assuming you mean that your expectations grow and shrink with your means: The person in question is married, husband makes a solid wage, and she would be doing exactly the same if it wasn't for children. It was a conscious decision/plan to do the kids thing. I wouldn't focus on this specific example however, that wasn't my intention. My point is that people give up so much in order to raise children. One of the major…

This is something you may not understand because you don’t have kids but for my wife and I the kids are the reward. We partied hard (too hard), traveled to other countries, etc but after having kids we realized that stuff was pointless and we don’t miss it at all unless we can do it with our kids. I’m in my 40s and have plenty of friends who are single or married with no kids and if I had to pick who I know seems the most dissatisfied with life or who are the grumpiest about things out of their control, it would the people from this group.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#240

Post by werber »

I don't know, somewhat recently I went to a Halloween party because I saw a flier for it and it started early, had food included with the door entry, didn't know the organization throwing it but it looked cool. Turned out to be a senior citizens nudist dance party, I was the youngest person by 40 years. Sometimes you just need to throw caution to the wind and get naked, dance, and eat fried chicken with the elderly, it was a blast.
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