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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#211

Post by Jtsummers »

> I try my best, invited some people for parties, but we never seem to get invites in return.

I chose to stop caring about things like that. Some people just suck at organizing things, don't think of it, or don't have time for it. So I take the lead (or did, moved just before COVID and don't have as large a social circle here yet). I'd invite people to my place, or convince the friend with the pool at their house to host but do all the legwork organizing it (inviting, getting people to bring food and drinks), just declare "I'm going to be at on Friday, they've got a live band, and there's a concert around the corner I'm going to check out later on."

And I was pretty indiscriminate with invites. If you were a friend, you got an invite. A coworker who was not an asshole, you got an invite. New person I met at the gym or on the soccer field and liked, you got an invite. Neighbor I saw in the hallway, you got an invite. This is part of what helped me develop a large social circle. Throwing an invite to an event to 30-40 people + their partners who I may not have known beforehand, you'll get takers most of the time. And if you don't, you have fun anyways.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#212

Post by dr_orpheus »

pavlov wrote: post #69

I'm 42 and last year moved back to my home country. We wanted to throw a housewarming party but getting enough people in one place on a specific day at a specific time seemed like an impossible challenge. Everybody had busy schedules for their precious August weekends anyway. We ended up doing a full-weekend party where people could drop by whenever they can. The first guests came on Friday around 6 pm and the last o…

It wasn't a whole weekend, but I had a whole day event like this for my birthday that worked out pretty well. Similar situation with people with kids coming during the day, others coming in the evening. A couple truly committed people met us for breakfast first thing in the morning and stayed throughout the entire day.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#213

Post by anthomtb »

Mid 30's, married, no kids here. My social life took a significant uptick midway through 2021, even compared to pre-pandemic. And I can attribute that to one factor:

Weddings.

Both my brother and one of my sports buddies got married in 2020 but had to delay wedding celebrations. And suddenly, not only are there weddings but there are bachelor parties, hey-maybe-we-should-meet-before-the-wedding gatherings, follow up dinners, "hey we hang out every Memorial Day, want to come?" offers, etc.

Of course, my buddy and his wife are expecting now (congrats and I'll see him again in 5 years), my brother will likely be there soon and I just took on a bunch more work responsibilities. The flow of social gatherings will almost certainly ebb this year.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#214

Post by willtemperley »

vlod wrote: post #167
willtemperley wrote: post #120

I'm 43 and partying a lot on a beach in Thailand. I know many other software engineers and testers here who are doing the same, although the climbing around here (Krabi) does compete with our time. One friend works on corporate software while DJing psytrance on the beach.

Sounds like a blast. We've been thinking in moving to Thailand and was curious what the expat situation was like. Do you have problems finding expats and making friends there?

It's easy to meet expats here (better to have an in, like a hobby you're reasonably good at) and the Thai people are almost invariably polite and genuinely friendly.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#215

Post by carlosjobim »

cma wrote: post #144
carlosjobim wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Spending most of your childhood forced to sit in a chair and be quiet. Allowed speech is repeating the teacher's opinion on the subject at hand and not enquiring more. Schools are literally sucking the life force out of generations of people, for the disadvantage of all.

Odd then that lots of people meet at schools and have more parties than any other time in their life.

The schools you're talking about are not anymore schools for children, where the worst influence is being imposed.

I was unclear earlier, but I exclusively mean the schooling during childhood years. After puberty things change, but learned behaviors stick for life.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#216

Post by dgacmu »

For me it was definitely COVID. I went last weekend to my first (indoor, winter) party since the pandemic started, and it was absolutely lovely. Still haven't thrown one but it makes me think I should; my 5yo got the bivalent booster in Dec. and we're rebalancing our risk / reward tradeoff. For us, at least, I expect parties to increase substantially over the coming six months.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#217

Post by pcdoyle »

motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

I must be incredibly lucky because I am a millennial and this is not my experience with my social circles. We have a game night almost every week (5+ people), and usually a few parties a year (15+ people) with no drama or fuss. Is this not normal? Is it different depending on the area you grow up in?

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#219

Post by havblue »

tmn wrote: post #154
havblue wrote: post #133

Personally it's just being married to someone who's covid-cautious, has a busy job, along with having kids. It's difficult if not impossible to have a social life when all your efforts are dedicated towards work, chores and the kids (and your spouse won't budge on things that would simplify these pressures) There is no real party time, just responsibility and the occasional escape when the grandmothers can watch the…

What are some examples of areas you think would be reasonable for your spouse to budge (but they do not)?

For me it comes down to perfectionism vs pragmatism:

Do you hire cleaners or clean your house yourself? Do you send the kids to a more expensive private school even though it's farther away? How much do you cook for yourself and how elaborate are the dishes you make? Do you prepare food for the kids every day even though the school has snacks anyway? How much time do you spend on your job? How much time do you spend commuting? How late are bed times when you get back late from your job? How many belongings do you keep that have to be stored and organized?

So I guess I would say that when all is said and done there isn't any social time.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#220

Post by HEmanZ »

motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

I'm not sure controversial issues and neuroticism breaking up parties is new whatsoever. I have read too many things that sound exactly like what you've written from the 70s, 50s, 30s, 20s, 10s, 1880s, ..... Even in the 1500s aristocrats in France complained about throwing fewer "parties" because of the spicy topic of Catholic vs Protestant.

Generally, if parties are decreasing, I would argue it is more because there is so much new and very good entertainment that is just way lower effort. I don't know we need politics or ideology to explain it, these things aren't new.

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