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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#51
Interestingly, we started having parties around October 2020 with other libertarians that were fed up with Covid restrictions. Our house became known as a bit of a party spot, we’re in our mid-30s and spent some money to make everything nice in our basement for hosting guests. It also served as sort of a semi official “plot to take over the state libertarian party” event, as the official party stance was curiously mum about lockdowns (despite acting as if they were always against them now, revisionist history).

The parties stopped happening after two things. First, they got a bit too raucous. We’re 30 somethings with kids and didn’t want drunk people who have decided to play strip poker in the basement when our five year old is asleep upstairs. What the heck. The things we are looking for in a part are very different than the slightly younger single demographic, and telling them to behave gets their brains to short circuit. All that drama we’d left behind flooding back. So we had to ban a good number of bill headed people who thought they’d done nothing wrong. This caused grumbling and the network effects fell apart since “well so-and-so is banned so we can’t go there”. Second, once restrictions were lifted people stopped showing as much interest as we weren’t the only game in town. It’s easy to have parties when you have essentially a captive audience.

Then I tried running a regular D&D game by soliciting from a local Facebook group, and met some of the most entitled and rude people I’ve ever met (also some great people). It was such a chore managing everyone and people’s weird personalities and expectations that I eventually disbanded it.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#52

I graduated right around the time Covid hit, and I feel like that wrecked my social life irreparably. I have 4-5 close friends I can hang out with every other week or so (nobody wants to hang out 1 to 1 every day), but all my friend groups dissipated. Some moved away, some moved on, some just stopped moving at all. I feel miserable and every couple of nights I have dreams of a Third Place where I can just go and make…

> I have 4-5 close friends I can hang out with every other week or so

Is that so abnormal? I have the same experience after graduating a few years ago but always thought that was what happens to most people.

Other than the friends you made in college, you can always find new people through hobbies or work.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

I think women have always been aware of that risk. It is more recently that false sexual accusations have become a concern and (mostly irrational) fear among young men. Go back enough in time and even real sexual accusations were of no concern to many men.

Ah, I get your point that it's about what's changed through time

Though I'd add to that that the common awareness--an acceptance of speaking publicly about and solidarity in not standing for--sexual assault, is something that has grown dramatically in the past decade for women. In the past many of these things would be covered in shame and swept under the rug but now the issues are more visible and many younger women are taking more active roles in fighting back against abuse. Many young men are working hard to be good allies in this as well.

It's something we can't know but I also wonder how widespread a fear of false allegation truly is. In my experience I've only heard it raised by men who have otherwise displayed misogynistic tendencies and, in the face of other perceived dangers, confidence to the point of arrogance. It's always struck me, ironically, as a false flag fear that is used to stir up distrust in the stories of women and to create a societal backdrop where sexual assault is easier to carry out. Obviously I can't share statistics or research on this point, but it's been my personal experience and it's a feeling I'd like to share with this community.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#55
post #51

Interestingly, we started having parties around October 2020 with other libertarians that were fed up with Covid restrictions. Our house became known as a bit of a party spot, we’re in our mid-30s and spent some money to make everything nice in our basement for hosting guests. It also served as sort of a semi official “plot to take over the state libertarian party” event, as the official party stance was curiously mu…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#56
I held one Christmas party and attended one Christmas party.

In both cases, the number of guests were very few, all guests had left before midnight, and the amount of drinking wa modest. People with kids left earlier, and every couple had one designated driver who didn't think they were missing out on drinking anyways.

As an adult, if I want more of an intense party experience, I have to go clubbing.

I just don't have drinking friends any more, and I don't drink anymore.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#57
I'm getting older and I still feel as bored around older, married people as I always have. I don't want to hear about other people's careers or children anymore.

I didn't experience it but I remember reading a lot more wild stories of the golden era of Wall Street than the tech scene today. Nowadays people just post about putting money in index funds. Too many high-IQ introverts in a room maybe not a good thing?

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#58

I'm getting older and I still feel as bored around older, married people as I always have. I don't want to hear about other people's careers or children anymore. I didn't experience it but I remember reading a lot more wild stories of the golden era of Wall Street than the tech scene today. Nowadays people just post about putting money in index funds. Too many high-IQ introverts in a room maybe not a good thing?

I'm much the same, in a DINK situation and going hard at life experiences but everyone our age has had children and their lives revolve around looking after them.

It's just not very interesting, and nobody has time for fun outside of that. One of my best friends (female) was in the Royal Marines, travelled to Antarctica etc when she was a late teenager/early 20s but now all she does is bring up her children, visit the grandparents and run a small dog training business as a side hustle.

I find it intriguing that this is what people want.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#59

I would strongly recommend people who are looking for more music and dance in their life to check out the vr clubbing scene. I've been on it almost constantly for the last 3 months and love having partying back in my life again from the comfort of my own home. (I don't want to say it's a perfect replacement but for me it's good enough to scratch the itch) See my prior posts for more info.

I'm intrigued by this but I can't quite get my head around it. I'm a millennial so grew up with online communities and gaming but my god this being a thing blows my mind!

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#60

I graduated right around the time Covid hit, and I feel like that wrecked my social life irreparably. I have 4-5 close friends I can hang out with every other week or so (nobody wants to hang out 1 to 1 every day), but all my friend groups dissipated. Some moved away, some moved on, some just stopped moving at all. I feel miserable and every couple of nights I have dreams of a Third Place where I can just go and make…

Look up volunteer associations of all kinds. I have a bunch of friends volunteering at everything from museums to food banks and churches and it's a way to grow your group with people of all ages.

Meetups or other platforms also have real world hangouts based on interests.

It takes some effort but it's totally doable.

Try to do it with two kids lol.

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