I've procrastinated working on my thesis for more than a year

I find it a bit weird how as an undergraduate you have no idea what a PhD is like. At the same time, no-one really tells you. Everyone just says "research is quite different to doing an undergrad degree". I have not encountered any educational little seminars or support systems that basically tell you: look, this is is what doing a PhD is like, this is what you generally are expected to do, these are milestones that are average/good to have at these times within your PhD, these are examples of people having done a great PhD, and so on.

If your supervisor is a bit hands-off then you're kind of thrown into a job/position and are just expected to figure out what you should do or how it works. I find this odd and very inefficient. Especially in view of how little a fresh graduate student knows.

Anyone else finding this weird? Is it similar or different in industry/non-academic jobs?

I went through a very similar death spiral as a grad student. Frustration leads to dread leads to slower progress leads to more dread leads to no progress and depression.

I wish I had some magic trick to reset my mind in times like that, but I don't. I wound up dropping out and went to industry instead... and while the failure stung at the time, it was the best decision I ever made. Academia is a job. If your job is making you miserable, it's probably time to move on to another job -- especially if you have marketable skills. For me at least, it was so much easier to reset facing new problems, problems that I didn't go to work dreading.

My big takeaway was that this is a failure state for me, and that I need to be aware of myself and head it off before I'm trapped. I need to therapy, coaching, or other help before the death spiral sets in. But breaking out of it and making progress on the hell-project? I dunno, sorry.

I'll also say that, if you're like me, you may have struggled with suicidal thoughts. The thought that kept me sane, prior to leaving, was reminding myself that it would be ridiculous to kill myself over work. Work isn't the purpose of living, being at the top of your field isn't the purpose of living, even being an academic isn't the purpose of living. There's billions of people on earth living fulfilling lives with boring, mundane jobs, finding satisfaction in friends and family and hobbies instead... so I would remind myself that, worst come to worst, I'd go find a boring, mundane job to pay the bills and find my satisfaction elsewhere.

I would not recommend getting drunk as a tool for getting things done. The problem is it might work. And if it does, you don't want to make a habit of reaching for that tool whenever you find yourself procrastinating. That way lies aforementioned statistics.

This blog started as my hidden corner of the internet to cry into the void (and practice pure css web design) which is why my posts are all so depressing