Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#1

Post by throwaway_party » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 7:24 AM UTC

10 years ago, there were a lot of parties in my life, and now there are none. Where have they gone? Have you seen the same, and have you managed to revive your party life?

I remember parties at friends places, for housewarmings, birthdays, holidays, sports games, barbecuing, karaoke, whatever. I remember parties at work, for people joining the team, for people leaving, for projects kicking off or finishing.

Now my kids are older and it seems that only they get to party. I try my best, invited some people for parties, but we never seem to get invites in return.

Hypotheses I have so far:

- I'm just getting old (closing in on 50) and people my age don't party anymore

- COVID happened and we still haven't restarted partying the way we used to

- I'm just unlucky with my set of friends and need to renew my friendships

Very interested in both macro trends (eg is partying overall just down) as well as things that you've done at individual level to restart party life.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#2

Post by KiranRao0 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 7:27 AM UTC

Slightly tangential, but the most effective way to be invited to a party is by hosting them.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#3

Post by johncoltrane » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 7:50 AM UTC

#1 of course

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#4

Post by Raed667 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 8:52 AM UTC

It is age, I tried to setup a day outside with my friends in December before the end of 2022, everyone got their calendars out and to make sure almost everyone was available we needed to push it to late February 2023 ... 3 months to get 8 people calendars synced to have the same free day.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#5

Post by ltbarcly3 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 8:56 AM UTC

How many parties do your parents go to? When you went to parties when you were younger, were there a lot of 50 year olds hanging around?

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#6

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 8:57 AM UTC

KiranRao0 wrote: post #2

Slightly tangential, but the most effective way to be invited to a party is by hosting them.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#7

Post by 0x008 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 9:00 AM UTC

I think like most things in life the success factor directly correlates with the amount of tries. If you try to organize one party in five years its clear that the success will not be guaranteed because your friends might either not be partying so much, not used to be participating in parties, other schedule, etc.

Think about it like this: unless you have been declining parties regularly in the past years it is safe to say you have a selective bias in your friends towards people who don't really do parties (either they don't want to or they don't prioritiize them in their schedules).

The upside is the more you party the more you will find people in your friends group who also like to party and it is a feedback loop with increasing opportunities.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#8

Post by a2800276 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 9:02 AM UTC

Maybe you should try hosting a party?

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#9

Post by geysersam » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 9:03 AM UTC

Raed667 wrote: post #4

It is age, I tried to setup a day outside with my friends in December before the end of 2022, everyone got their calendars out and to make sure almost everyone was available we needed to push it to late February 2023 ... 3 months to get 8 people calendars synced to have the same free day.

Something about this problem smells queuing theory.

We all know the solution! Over provisioning. Leave some slack in your calendars damnit.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#10

Post by ffmpegy » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 9:12 AM UTC

ltbarcly3 wrote: post #5

How many parties do your parents go to? When you went to parties when you were younger, were there a lot of 50 year olds hanging around?

my parents have a way busier social calendar than I do. It's almost like when you're finished with work, the late hours, unusual shifts and occasional weekend call-outs, professional development and week-long 'team strategy' off-sites you actually have time to live life, have friends and enjoy their company in a relaxed environment - who knew!