Ask HN: Should I quit my job?

I would highly encourage you to do a little interviewing, just to get past the anxiety. Try interviewing for things you aren't very interested in. It makes it much less stressful, and it gives you a sense that you aren't trapped. I went through a similar thing myself a few months back, and just doing some interviewing actually made doing my current job easier. In the end I had some frank conversations with my manager and was able to salvage my current position, but the interviewing really facilitated that. The important thing though, is you really should not stay at your current job as it is. Aside from it making you unhappy, you're doing damage to your resume. Being under-titled doesn't look good to potential future employers.

I'm a software developer with 20+ years of experience. I've been working at my current company for at least a few years. I recently found out that some of my colleagues that have been here for less time than I have, who have less experience than I do, got promoted ahead of me. Like you I also get good reviews during review time.

I feel like I should be upset about this. After all, I do value recognition, and would like to see my work validated among my peers. However it would seem that skill and effort are not required to be promoted at my current company. And from experience this is a general truth: there will always be biases, social structures, etc to overcome.

I am not entirely upset by it. I am already paid a lot of money and I'm not left wanting in life. I have few responsibilities at work which is great because I have lot at home (unlike you I do have dependents, a spouse, a mortgage, etc). A promotion would mean more responsibility and pressure along with the higher pay. And that's not going to make the work any more interesting or challenging in the ways I find satisfying.

What would improve my life is having interesting work to do. Most of what I work on is extremely boring enterprise business-ware. I've given up being ambitious and working on interesting, challenging work because I'm more concerned and interested in my family and our well-being and my hobbies than I am in trying to change the world or prove anything.

If, one day, this company does manage to exit and my options turn out to be valuable and I make a bunch of F-U money then it won't matter anyway. That's when I can loosen the collar and sit back and do my own thing.

So my advice is: don't evaluate your life based on your job and its social hierarchies. Promotions, titles, etc are almost always bullshit in tech. Instead look at what you have and try to think about what it is that you need, what expectations are being missed and make a move that will improve the quality of your life.

If you have enough money to survive for six months with a tight budget maybe you're in the right place to start your own company?

Maybe you can take time off to dedicate time to a side project you find fulfilling?

On the flip side, maybe starting a new hobby is the way to go and just clock in/out at work. Chasing promotions is hard work and perhaps the benefits are not that valuable to you.

"if you have to ask then it's probably time to go"

don't jump until you have something lined up. lot of layoffs happening now and the market is is reasonably saturated, plus finding a job often takes longer than you think.

try to network in person a bunch. linux user groups, python hackers collectives, etc.

Quit with a plan. I know the classic knee-jerk advice is to have a job in waiting first, but that may not apply to you. A well-crafted sabbatical can give you a sense of energy, motivation, and purpose.

You might be able to do it from abroad on the cheap. There are plenty of resources that can help you structure your thought and time. Just realize being single and financially secure is an opportunity to explore and discover. These moments in life where you have the freedom and interest to work on yourself aren't all that many. Good luck.

With every year, I care less and less about comparing myself with my peers. I reached a level I can have a very comfortable life with and anything after this is gravy. I will work hard and try to level up but I won’t grind or trade any of my personal time for money. Especially with kids, I am very short on time!!