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Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#201

Post by theshrike79 »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #99
agloeregrets wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've seen this in a few places before. 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better. 3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

#3 can work. My last two managers were decent people with interesting stuff they did outside of work. I've enjoyed sharing some war stories in my experience volunteering at various places. I'll totally talk for hours about any number of topics. I've also done what's probably "life coaching". There are a lot of things I've learned managing a mental illness. Not a therapist, but I know a lot of the techniques and what'…

I had to play therapist to a few teammates and I never want to repeat that experience again.

It's really stressful trying to prod someone to get their life back together when they clearly need professional help and maybe medication.

I'm an engineer, I'm not built to be a life coach in any way.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#202

Post by theshrike79 »

gtirloni wrote: post #192
timr wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's common for standups to be attended only by workers. They're a forum for open lateral communication, not communication up the ladder. As soon as you add management into the mix, people get cagey and the standup becomes less effective.

>It's common for standups to be attended only by workers I have never seen this in 20+ years of work. Management is supposed to be in the standup to help remove blockers.

Scrum Master is the one who handles removing blockers, "Management" doesn't need to be there for every standup. It's a waste of their time.

Scrum Masters should also be just a member of the team, not a "master" per se.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#203

Post by gtirloni »

timr wrote: post #76
taeric wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To expand on the idea a bit here, I thought the point was like a huddle between plays for the players. Yes, there should be a communication line out of the huddle to get information and such, but by and large the idea is to empower the team to do things the way that they think it needs doing.

Yes, exactly. Of course, lots of places do have intrusive management and turn standups into another form of supervision, but that's really not the point. It's sort of sad/ironic that GP was mocking the entire idea of a developer-led standup. I'm a PM now and I run my team's standups, but even that may not be ideal depending on the perception of PMs within the organization. I think it's great when there's a tech lead…

> I'm a PM now and I run my team's standups

You're management, you are not communicating laterally.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#204

Post by p0pcult »

It might help if you give us some context as to what you already talk about in 1-1s.

With my direct reports (I am in data science, so the project timelines/structures may be a bit different), rather than ask for a status report, I will ask them if there is anything they're having trouble on/issues with. If there are issues, I help them solve and/or troubleshoot, and also demonstrate my approaches for dealing with that kind of thing. (Prefacing that this is not likely the only way, but it is a way that has worked for me.)

If there are no issues on their current project(s), then I ask for dataviz--what are they finding/working on finding/are models improving/etc.

Beyond that, it's discussions of project resourcing: are you hitting deadlines, when can we expect to wrap up this stage, etc.

Finally, if nothing else, I'll try to engage in some conversation--my style as a manager relies on ensuring the personal and work well-being of my direct reports.

OTOH, what do I talk about with my manager? Kind of the mirror image of what I expect from my direct reports:

1). Status updates on current projects

2). I'll ask for my manager's opinion on my approach to a solution. If they say it's fine, I'll note that (good for CYA); if it's not, I'll ask for their thoughts, or demonstrate having tried their way (if I have), or my estimation of the success of that approach. I try to do all of this in a way that lets me gauge how invested they are in said project. If their answer is all generalities, they're not likely super invested. If they can talk specifics, then I assume that I have support if I need it.

3). Ask if there's anything else we haven't discussed.

4). Get to know them; managers are people too, and you can help yourself by being in their good graces.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#206

Post by superfrank »

Shatnerz wrote: post #187
superfrank wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a manager running two teams right now. The way I run my 1:1s I try and keep status updates out of them as much as possible. Like you said, "here's what I'm working on" type updates should be handled by Scrum. I still run 1:1s every two weeks with each one of my direct reports for a few reasons: - There are some people who just won't speak up or request an ad-hoc 1-on-1 if something is wrong. It's just a personali…

> If you want to cancel it every time, that's fine I would amend this to "If they want to cancel it every time, that's fine". I personally think its best to keep 1-1 availability as consistent as possible. Always be available to spend the time and avoid last minute changes to the meeting. The time is an opportunity for the direct report as well. If they want to cancel, that is fine. Same with whether they want to use…

Yep, sorry that's that I meant. Having managers who randomly moved or canceled 1:1s in the past, it's a major pet peeve of mine when managers just unilaterally cancel. Personally, I try to never cancel, but if my report wants to cancel, we'll it's their meeting and I get half an hour back :).

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#207

Post by erikwiffin »

When I first moved into management, I wrote an article about how my direct reports could get more value out of our 1:1s. I'd probably write something different now, but the broad strokes remain true. https://erik.wiffin.com/posts/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-you...

1. Don't make it a status update. It's your time, and that's probably not the best use of it. 2. Spend some time figuring out what you want to get out of our 1:1s. If you don't know, tell me that, and I'm happy to work with you to figure it out. 3. End the conversation with next steps/action items. It's easy for me to say something that you interpret as a promise even if I didn't mean it that way and calling out action items explicitly is a good way to keep that from exploding into a huge problem.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#208

Post by compiler-guy »

birdyrooster wrote: post #122
coffeebeqn wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m quite senior so I do the same. We meet every two weeks but about half the time cancel because there’s really nothing to talk about. I’ve made it clear that I’m happy with my current level and don’t want to “progress” to another level where I’m a professional meeting attender. So there’s not much to talk about- I’m fairly happy and my long term goal is to retire in my 40s and work at a fairly chill place until the…

Good luck on retiring in your 40s, that’s currently almost entirely up to external factors like demographics and the federal government. Maker and destroyer of wealth. Baby boomers retiring in mass are about to hit the economy hard. They need their investments to live off of and they will be spending in an economy they aren’t producing for. Inflation will be crazy so the way to compensate will be to stay employed. Do…

I suspect the downvotes are because the comment isn't really related to the topic.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#209

Post by cdkmoose »

mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

>They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time

A good manager should already know what the team is doing. And that shouldn't be the point of the 1-1.

As a manager I believe part of my job is to run interference for my team. It's better for me to be in a bunch of meetings than my team. But this also means I have a potentially crowded schedule. I have recurring bi-weekly 1-1s with each of my team members so they know that they are important as an individual and that I am guaranteeing them time with me every two weeks. This time is for them and about them. If we don't have anything to discuss we don't mee or sometimes it's only 5 minutes. But they know w that the time si there for them.

I use these meetings to see how they are doing, not what they are doing. How are you and your spouse doing with the new baby? How is your child's college search going? I think it's important to have an idea of where they are as a person to help understand how they are doing at work and how I might help make things better.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#210

Post by letitbeirie »

ryanSrich wrote: post #42
mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

> They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. As a manager, I DESPISED doing 1v1s at my old company. We don't do them at my new company. It's an incredible waste of time. Create a culture that allows employees to come to you when THEY need to. If this isn't within the realm of possibility, at least make 1v1s optional for employees that just don't have anything to discus…

> Create a culture that allows employees to come to you when THEY need to.

This is great advice in general but regular 1v1s give you a forum to proactively ask employees how things are going, which can help you detect problems quieter employees are having that they might not be willing to raise themselves. Some people are conditioned not to complain, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're happy.

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