Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#171

Post by jonathankoren » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:08 PM UTC

akerl_ wrote: post #46

mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

As a counterpoint, my experience has been that having a recurring 1:1 on some cadence makes it feel less weird to flag an issue. If somebody has to block out an adhoc meeting to raise a concern, it feels like a bigger deal. That won’t stop all people or all issues, but it does set a higher bar and that means some conversations won’t clear it. My 1:1s are not all on the same cadence, and some of them end up spending m…

Yeah. 1:1s should be a bit more like office hours. This is where you can deal with priory as individuals outside of a project. There’s nothing wrong with making it a bit of a high level status update, especially if your manager isn’t attending certain project meetings, but it should be more about resource management. Explain pain points, and that sort of thing. It can also be a place to drill down on topics that got brought up in the larger team meeting as well.

When I run 1:1s I end up scheduling them for 45 minutes, but target them for ~25-30 minutes. The extra time is there for when we need to go long without forcing a hard stop too quickly.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#172

Post by massysett » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:14 PM UTC

mshake2 wrote: post #137

massysett wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So having a standup every single day is more efficient than meeting once a week with your manager? You'd rather have to take time out every single day to hear other people talk about stuff that may have no relevance to what you do, rather than meet with your manager once a week - a meeting that might take only a few minutes if there turns out to be little to discuss? OK, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that.

The point of a stand is for the team to synchronize and raise potential issues. If the team is small, cross-functional, and working in the same area, it has a lot of value. You seem to be looking at this from the perspective of "what can I, the manager, get out of this" instead of "what can the team get out of this."

That's laughable - my team does not want stand-ups and after I asked them many times whether they would like regular meetings, they suggested doing a team meeting every few weeks, so you have no idea how I am looking at this.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#173

Post by jonathankoren » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:16 PM UTC

mythhouse wrote: post #129

superfrank wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a manager running two teams right now. The way I run my 1:1s I try and keep status updates out of them as much as possible. Like you said, "here's what I'm working on" type updates should be handled by Scrum. I still run 1:1s every two weeks with each one of my direct reports for a few reasons: - There are some people who just won't speak up or request an ad-hoc 1-on-1 if something is wrong. It's just a personali…

> ask them about things and try and get them to open up. What kind of things do you ask them. wondering if you have some examples. Trying to get some ideas.

Do not ask. All you’ll get is “fine” or “alright”.

You have to open up first. Share what you’re comfortable with sharing. If you don’t share and make yourself vulnerable first, they will never open up. You have lower the risk for them.

Once you have established that rapport, then they’ll do it. Your report will mimic you based on how you run the meeting. It also has the advantage of making hard conversations easier.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#174

Post by crnkofe » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:21 PM UTC

Standard topics for me are:

1. What's up? (chewing the fat about any relevant life topic)

2. My frustrations with the process and possible improvements.

2.1 Followup to recent changes in this area.

3. Experience with recently developed/released features.

4. Follow-up to company wide changes (related to things such as layoffs, direction changes, etc.)

I used to not be a fan of 1on1s while working on-site but since I've started full-remote it has become more valuable time for me since that's basically the most time I spend with my lead in a sprint or two.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#175

Post by smeagull » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:21 PM UTC

I'd suggest at least some amount of small talk updates. Being a person to each other is a good way to develop a good relationship and have sympathy for one another, which can improve working relationships to no end. Doesn't have to be artificial, just share some thing about what is going on with you (but keep it positive), and listen to their personal update too.

I'd also use the meeting to signal any feelings you have about the direction of the team/company, as well as ensuring that your view of where the work is meant to go is valid. Keeping everybody with an aligned idea of goals is important when you're collaborating.

If you feel the need for a deep dive, I'd suggest picking a single topic before hand to ensure that the 30 minutes is used effectively, but I would say that if they're a manager that getting technical is probably not the goal here. As a manager, you want to know about risks and opportunities to make future decisions. I'd aim it at that level.

I wouldn't worry about blowing your own trumpet - you're going to be your only advocate here and you'll be competing with others that do.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#176

Post by lormayna » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:23 PM UTC

At my previous job, my manager and mostly of my colleagues was 7 hours ahead, so I was struggling a lot in the first months and I was feeling a bit abandoned. Then me and my manager, agreed to have a regular 1-1 weekly meetings to discuss the open points and the difficults that I was facing. This was a big improvement for me but also for him to have an idea of what I was doing. We also discussed about strategies and roadmaps in our projects and sometimes about our future because we faced at least three fully reorg starting from C-level. He also gave me some feedbacks about my job and my approach. For me this weekly hour was a gold mine.

My actual manager is in my timezone and the whole team usually meet everyday for a 30 minutes daily sync, so no need for a dedicated 1-1.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#177

Post by _puk » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:23 PM UTC

akerl_ wrote: post #46

mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

As a counterpoint, my experience has been that having a recurring 1:1 on some cadence makes it feel less weird to flag an issue. If somebody has to block out an adhoc meeting to raise a concern, it feels like a bigger deal. That won’t stop all people or all issues, but it does set a higher bar and that means some conversations won’t clear it. My 1:1s are not all on the same cadence, and some of them end up spending m…

"As a counterpoint, my experience has been that having a recurring 1:1 on some cadence makes it feel less weird to flag an issue."

Agree with this completely, and is something I always introduce straight away with my team.

If someone stops me in the corridor / sends a slack to say "Jim's tapping drives me nuts" (as a lame example), then it's now a big thing. I have to stop what I'm doing to establish how much of a problem it actually is, and how soon I need to deal with the issue. It takes a lot to interrupt someone for something that potentially is a small, yet personally important thing, so people are less inclined to do it.

If instead, at the end of a regular scheduled one on one, as we're winding down, at the inevitable "anything else" stage, someone mentions "oh, yeah, small thing, but Jim's tapping drives me nuts", then we can discuss and establish a path forward in an open environment. Invariably they feel listened to, we can decide a way to approach the issue, and it's far less dramatic.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#178

Post by atkailash » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:25 PM UTC

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#179

Post by [deleted] » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:25 PM UTC

monkeynotes wrote: post #139

mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

> They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time This is a cynical view of 1:1 time. I've always felt like a 1:1 is a time to bond with my manager, and look out for my own needs so I can make the most of my career. Today I am a manager and I can hand on heart say I am at the service of the people I support. I am not telling them how to spend their time, I am not trying to k…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#180

Post by Shatnerz » Tue, Jan 10, 2023, 9:30 PM UTC

When starting with a new manager or direct report I usually ask that they read this blog post from RandsInRepose: https://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-t...

> I don't want to just keep blowing my trumpet, or just complaining.

Complaining is fine. So is general chatting. The time is basically an opportunity to discuss what is on your mind. Share new ideas. Talk about potential problems. Ask for an update on your personal growth and progression. Give feedback on your manager. Ask for feedback on your manager.

I wouldn't worry about being super efficient. The habit of regular 1-1s is what is important and building the relationship between manager and direct report. Some 1-1s will be quick and easy and over in a fraction of the time. Some will stretch the meeting time. Try keeping to natural conversation and avoid robotic responses and status updates.