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Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#131

Post by eastbound »

uhtred wrote: post #17
dkokelley wrote: post #3

1. Here's what I'm working on. (Is this a good use of my time?) 2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?) 3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)

Aren't the first two covered at standup every day?

It’s in public. As a newbie team lead I was taught we need to give ample opportunities to talk, and henceforth to collect discontent as early as it forms.

I wasn’t yet taught why managers do nothing when you have long-standing discontent :)

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#132

Post by monkeynotes »

birdyrooster wrote: post #122
coffeebeqn wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m quite senior so I do the same. We meet every two weeks but about half the time cancel because there’s really nothing to talk about. I’ve made it clear that I’m happy with my current level and don’t want to “progress” to another level where I’m a professional meeting attender. So there’s not much to talk about- I’m fairly happy and my long term goal is to retire in my 40s and work at a fairly chill place until the…

Good luck on retiring in your 40s, that’s currently almost entirely up to external factors like demographics and the federal government. Maker and destroyer of wealth. Baby boomers retiring in mass are about to hit the economy hard. They need their investments to live off of and they will be spending in an economy they aren’t producing for. Inflation will be crazy so the way to compensate will be to stay employed. Do…

Luckily people in their 20s today tend to live at home and rarely go out, if this is how you are living and you are happy with it, working a well paid job until you are 40 and then retiring is doable.

I know this is a glib take, and it's somewhat tongue in cheek but tech jobs in general are well paid enough to at least make a plan to retire in your 40s. I don't think you'll necessarily get there with a "chill" approach, you'll need to be ambitious and smart with investments to make the most of it.

Something else to think about; retiring in your 40s means you are not necessarily even half way through your life these days, so you'll need to work hard enough to pay for the second half of your life. That means you may never make big purchases beyond a home, may not have money for hobbies, or vacations. I mean, life is expensive for the average person, even if you are bringing in $200k+ right now. I feel like we may see early retirees from the 2020s looking for work again in 20 years time.

Investing well is critical, but also a gamble. I know people who have been saving their whole lives into a pension plan only to have it wiped out later in life.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#133

Post by samtho »

birdyrooster wrote: post #122
coffeebeqn wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m quite senior so I do the same. We meet every two weeks but about half the time cancel because there’s really nothing to talk about. I’ve made it clear that I’m happy with my current level and don’t want to “progress” to another level where I’m a professional meeting attender. So there’s not much to talk about- I’m fairly happy and my long term goal is to retire in my 40s and work at a fairly chill place until the…

Good luck on retiring in your 40s, that’s currently almost entirely up to external factors like demographics and the federal government. Maker and destroyer of wealth. Baby boomers retiring in mass are about to hit the economy hard. They need their investments to live off of and they will be spending in an economy they aren’t producing for. Inflation will be crazy so the way to compensate will be to stay employed. Do…

> Do downvotes mean I’m wrong or that I upset someone?

I did not downvote, but I think the FUD in your message overshadowed the point you were trying to make.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#134

Post by ochronus »

Does your manager know how you feel about your sessions? :)

Some ideas completely without context:

- make it less frequent

- make it about you! (that's the original reason for 1:1s anyway)

- pitch your ideas - what are parts of your life at work (from culture to codebase) you'd like to improve but you feel you can't?

- talk repeatedly about how to grow

- ask about what's happening in other parts of the org where you don't have good visibility

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#135

Post by xboxnolifes »

birdyrooster wrote: post #122
coffeebeqn wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m quite senior so I do the same. We meet every two weeks but about half the time cancel because there’s really nothing to talk about. I’ve made it clear that I’m happy with my current level and don’t want to “progress” to another level where I’m a professional meeting attender. So there’s not much to talk about- I’m fairly happy and my long term goal is to retire in my 40s and work at a fairly chill place until the…

Good luck on retiring in your 40s, that’s currently almost entirely up to external factors like demographics and the federal government. Maker and destroyer of wealth. Baby boomers retiring in mass are about to hit the economy hard. They need their investments to live off of and they will be spending in an economy they aren’t producing for. Inflation will be crazy so the way to compensate will be to stay employed. Do…

You're being downvoted because, in software engineering, retiring in your 40s isn't an unrealistic goal for many. We may be going into tough times, but tough times for those making 200k+ a year is still far better times than most in normal times.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#136

Post by tonnydourado »

mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

I agree that process should be public, I disagree that personal 1-on-1s should be ad-hoc. The whole point is for feedback to be continuous, so if you're starting to fuck up, you get early warnings and a better chance of correcting course.

That has been my experience, at least, I am somewhat of an acquired taste, personality wise, and often unwillingly unaware of my effect on others, or bad habits I might slip into. Having regular 1-on-1s gives manager opportunity to give me early feedback.

It also gives me a regular chance to 1) ask for help with interpersonal things I struggle with and 2) get positive feedback, when I manage, to everyone's surprised, to not fuck things up.

All of that depends hugely on the manager, of course. If your manager is using this time to check on your regular work, or give you tasks ... there might not be hope for this job. Maybe you can talk to them, maybe to their boss, but it smells like just a bad culture, that you're better of leaving than trying to fix.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#137

Post by mshake2 »

massysett wrote: post #130
SoftTalker wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah morning standups are not great either TBH but more efficient than a manager trying to gatekeep and broker information via 1:1s with each developer.

So having a standup every single day is more efficient than meeting once a week with your manager? You'd rather have to take time out every single day to hear other people talk about stuff that may have no relevance to what you do, rather than meet with your manager once a week - a meeting that might take only a few minutes if there turns out to be little to discuss? OK, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that.

The point of a stand is for the team to synchronize and raise potential issues. If the team is small, cross-functional, and working in the same area, it has a lot of value. You seem to be looking at this from the perspective of "what can I, the manager, get out of this" instead of "what can the team get out of this."

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#139

Post by monkeynotes »

mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

> They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time

This is a cynical view of 1:1 time. I've always felt like a 1:1 is a time to bond with my manager, and look out for my own needs so I can make the most of my career.

Today I am a manager and I can hand on heart say I am at the service of the people I support. I am not telling them how to spend their time, I am not trying to know everything they are doing, I am there to listen, assist, and fill in organizational gaps to keep things moving and keep ICs unblocked.

Engineers are smart people perfectly capable of outthinking me, they are relied on for keeping their own work on track but to ask for help (maybe in a 1:1!) when they need it.

My work is done when everyone is happy and productive, 1:1s help me do my job and my job is to provide support, advice, consultation, and communication between the business and my team. I don't know how I could possibly make sure everyone has what they need, is working toward goals they care about, feel valued and heard, without regular 1:1s. If I were an IC and my manager didn't check in with me regularly I would not feel like I was part of something, managers help glue teams together because no one else on the team is going to do that.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#140

Post by SoftTalker »

massysett wrote: post #130
SoftTalker wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah morning standups are not great either TBH but more efficient than a manager trying to gatekeep and broker information via 1:1s with each developer.

So having a standup every single day is more efficient than meeting once a week with your manager? You'd rather have to take time out every single day to hear other people talk about stuff that may have no relevance to what you do, rather than meet with your manager once a week - a meeting that might take only a few minutes if there turns out to be little to discuss? OK, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that.

If I have an issue blocking me now, yes it's more efficient to raise that at standup today with the group of people who might be able to help, than wait until next Thursday to discuss it 1:1 with the manager and then wait for the manger to find help for me.

But I'm not a huge fan of standups either, don't get me wrong. They aren't a great use of time, I just think they are better than weekly 1:1s to communicate things like "what I'm working on" or "what's blocking me."

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