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Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#101

Post by SoftTalker »

jedberg wrote: post #73

I'm currently a high level IC, and this is what we talk about: 1) Pleasantries about our kids/family/how our last vacation was/etc. for a minute. 2) Any questions I have for her, which usually mean questions about corporate policies or procedures, or questions like, "I need to know about project X, who would be a good contact", or things like, "I need to accomplish Y, usually I would do it like this, but how is that…

I guess it varies by person but talking about kids/family/friends is pretty much off-limits for me at work. Completely irrelevant and none of their business. Most other discussion I handle as "anything you say can be used against you." I have never worked in a place without office politics and have learned the hard way that you cannot trust superiors (or really anyone) no matter how genuine they seem. They will always look out for themselves if push comes to shove and some do much worse than that.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#102

Post by canadaduane »

ryanSrich wrote: post #42
mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

> They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. As a manager, I DESPISED doing 1v1s at my old company. We don't do them at my new company. It's an incredible waste of time. Create a culture that allows employees to come to you when THEY need to. If this isn't within the realm of possibility, at least make 1v1s optional for employees that just don't have anything to discus…

I laughed a bit when you wrote "1v1" because it made me think of a video game where you're matched with a suitably leveled enemy player. (I don't know how others pronounce "1:1" but I pronounce it "1 on 1").

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#103

Post by dkokelley »

agloeregrets wrote: post #23
dkokelley wrote: post #3

1. Here's what I'm working on. (Is this a good use of my time?) 2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?) 3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)

I've seen this in a few places before. 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better. 3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

#3 can be abused, but a 1 on 1 isn't meant to solve a bad culture.

Think of it more like "oh yeah my kid just started soccer at school", "we found this neat new restaurant", etc. It's relationship building. Work is more fun when you like the people you work with!

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#104

Post by bhaney »

On the off chance that we don't cancel beforehand, we generally chat for 5-10 minutes about whatever. It's rare that there's actually something to talk about, because I prefer to let my manager know about any concerns or blockers I have with an async slack message as soon as they come up rather than waiting for our next 1:1, and we have plenty of unscheduled casual chats throughout the week.

It's perfectly fine for you to just not have 1:1s if you get all the benefits of them elsewhere.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#106

Post by coffeebeqn »

stavepan wrote: post #97

I also believe that one week and 30mins are are not enough for 1-on-1s. In my company, we do 1-on-1s once a month for 1 hour. The manager asks questions like: - How are you? - What's the skill that you are trying to improve this month? - How I (the manager) or the company can help you to improve this skill? -Do you feel that your responsibilities in the company are common with your personal goals? I think that these…

> Do you feel that your responsibilities in the company are common with your personal goals?

That’s funny. Why would they be?

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#107

Post by rockostrich »

If you feel like there isn't enough to talk about in a weekly one-on-one then consider asking your manager to switch to every other week or even monthly. You also never have to use the full time of any meeting. It's fine to call it early if you've covered everything there is to cover. And like others have said, it's fine to skip scheduled one on ones if there's nothing important to talk about.

I've had all of those things happen as an IC and as a manager and they seem like common sense to me.

As an IC, the majority of my one on one time with my manager would be spent covering what I'm currently working on and if there's any problems that the manager could solve as well as looking at work down the line from a high level to see if there was anything I'm especially interested in.

As a manager, I wished all of the direct reports would ask more questions or have more input but I would usually cover the what I would want to talk about as an IC as well as try and be transparent about things going on on the business side that may not have been communicated well enough in my opinion.

And then there would usually be some time spent talking about personal stuff depending on how close I am with the manager/IC. One IC was someone I was/am pretty friendly with and we'd talk about different pop culture things going on. Another usually had some kind of family stuff they were dealing with so I'd offer an ear and some support. And some I just didn't get along with that well personally so we'd leave it at work discussions which is also totally fine.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#108

Post by projectazorian »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #99
agloeregrets wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've seen this in a few places before. 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better. 3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

#3 can work. My last two managers were decent people with interesting stuff they did outside of work. I've enjoyed sharing some war stories in my experience volunteering at various places. I'll totally talk for hours about any number of topics. I've also done what's probably "life coaching". There are a lot of things I've learned managing a mental illness. Not a therapist, but I know a lot of the techniques and what'…

> I've also done what's probably "life coaching". There are a lot of things I've learned managing a mental illness. Not a therapist, but I know a lot of the techniques and what's worked for me or other people.

Be careful about playing work therapist, it can lead to boundaries getting blurred in a way that becomes detrimental to the relationship and ultimately your career over the long run.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#110

Post by OJFord »

cauthon wrote: post #86
agloeregrets wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've seen this in a few places before. 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better. 3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

> 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better Some people communicate or receive feedback better in person/video than over email, and that's okay!

Which might be why GP said 'either via a stand up or'?
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