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Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#81

Post by SoftTalker »

massysett wrote: post #45
mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

"They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time." As a manager it is critically important that I have a sense of what my staff is doing. New assignments come in all the time that require quick turnaround. I need to know who on my staff is available for such projects.

As a manager how can you not know what your staff is doing at any given time? I've worked in some places where developers chose their own stories but we had morning standups to communicate what we were working on.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#82

Post by bipson »

With technical managers: how things are going, what needs to be solved to speed things up, what is holding the progress up.

With non-technical managers (which I would expect to have 1:1s in the first place):

- How it is going

- How the team is doing

- What I need

- How my life is

- How his kids are

- What I would like to see happening in the team or company

Usually if this is a team manager, he had zero insight from the daily progress or process (why should he). So to see where problems need to be solved for the team, whom to promote or move into another position, etc. can only come from such meetings. And he also needs personal, confidential opportunities for that.

Not everyone is vocal, not every team member understands what is a problem or an issue in the first place...

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#83

Post by bravetraveler »

I wish I could offer more on maximizing this time... However, I think I can help in another way.

Don't feel bad about 'blowing your trumpet' or complaining; that's exactly the time to do it!

My manager and I skip our 1:1s more often than we have them, and when we do, it's usually just a hang-out session.

We meet once every two weeks, and most of the time is just talking about random things we found neat.

However, there are times when another team is being difficult and I need help 'navigating the business'. These meetings are super valuable for that.

I can provide more in-depth information on the situation as a whole, and we can work on a plan - without needlessly involving the rest of our team.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#84

Post by fwungy »

My introduction to 1:1 was with a notably bad manager and that has given me a bad taste for them.

Once a week is a horrible schedule. That's a regular production killer as you need to task switch from focused work up to the corporate game level. Before the meeting I spend time thinking about what to talk about and after the meeting I need to refocus, which takes time.

During the meeting I try to keep things light and social and parse the information I share with consideration of my manager's ability to handle it. I also have to consider how my dislike for the meetings might be perceived as hostility by my manager and be harmful to my career.

Yes, I hate them.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#85

Post by wpietri »

What I have liked both as a manager and as an employee is to talk about things that are important but not urgent, especially focusing on the employee's experience and happiness. I think they day-to-day work stuff belongs mostly elsewhere.

When I start 1:1s with a new engineer, I will ask about why they took the job, what they were hoping to get out of it, and where they see themselves as going professionally. Then over the long term it's my job to make sure that they are getting what they want out of the job and staying happy enough that they stay, so I'll return to those early conversations and update them.

Lara Hogan has some good resources for managers: https://larahogan.me/resources/one-on-ones/

Regarding the OP's situation, though, it sounds like they are feeling responsible for directing the 1:1. I'd say that's a bit of a managerial failure. But answering the question directly, in the OP's shoes I might turn to broader questions. Ask about the company strategy, and how the employee's work fits in. Ask for career advice. Ask about manager's relationships with higher ups.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#86

Post by cauthon »

agloeregrets wrote: post #23
dkokelley wrote: post #3

1. Here's what I'm working on. (Is this a good use of my time?) 2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?) 3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)

I've seen this in a few places before. 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better. 3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

> 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better

Some people communicate or receive feedback better in person/video than over email, and that's okay!

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#87

Post by eterevsky »

agloeregrets wrote: post #23
dkokelley wrote: post #3

1. Here's what I'm working on. (Is this a good use of my time?) 2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?) 3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)

I've seen this in a few places before. 1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better. 3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

It is not about simple updates. Questions about project prioritisation and blockers totally belong to a 1-on-1. They are easier to discuss face to face rather than over email.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#88

Post by drewcoo »

robust-cactus wrote: post #40

As a manager: 1. The most value I get is when people complain. It can be about the tech stack or about processes or lack of change. I then choose whether to solve the problem or teach the individual how to solve (coaching or teaching). 2. When the individual uses me to make organizational change happen. This usually happens with managers or staff engineers. 3. Gives me enough context to pull on threads and refactor t…

Michael Lopp would agree:

https://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-t...

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#90

Post by massysett »

SoftTalker wrote: post #81
massysett wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time." As a manager it is critically important that I have a sense of what my staff is doing. New assignments come in all the time that require quick turnaround. I need to know who on my staff is available for such projects.

As a manager how can you not know what your staff is doing at any given time? I've worked in some places where developers chose their own stories but we had morning standups to communicate what we were working on.

We don't have morning standups. Why is a 1:1 a waste of time, but a morning standup isn't?
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