1:1's are your best chance to improve your personal relationship with your manager, especially if you are remote. He must like you and must not ever feel threatened by you. Anything else is secondary as long as your work is at least "satisfactory".
Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#22What went well this week
What could have gone better
what processes need improvement
Career/personal/project growth and updates
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#231. Here's what I'm working on. (Is this a good use of my time?) 2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?) 3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)
I've seen this in a few places before.
1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better.
3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#241. Here's what I'm working on. (Is this a good use of my time?) 2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?) 3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)
Aren't the first two covered at standup every day?
My management do not attend standup and I prefer it that way.
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#25First we talk about our Home Assistant setups and how we're using HA to chart and improve our houses. Then we discus how the kids are doing in school and in general (they're of similar age, have similar issues). Then, in the last 20 min or so, we turns to work and she asks about the things she wrote down last time (is this still the same, has it improved?), she asks if I'm still happy doing what I'm doing, what she can do for me, if I feel stuck with anything. I can vent, she writes down things. She makes useful suggestions and plans to address issues I raise. She may have some critique, I can be pretty chaotic, tend to end up with many side tasks. Talking to her helps. It's nice. I also ask about her struggles, see if I can help.
Edit (after getting 14 upvotes): My 1on1 is about monthly to quarterly btw. Weekly is a bit much if you ask me. Maybe good to say that my "team-lead" is not my PO or project manager, we have a matrix structure. In ways she is a colleague, but on the management axis she is "above" me.
Another edit: I'm in one project for .2 FTE, that manager wants to see me 1on1 every 2 weeks so that's after 2 days of work. Thinking about that project, I feel OP's pain. I keep pushing this person towards team meeting that I could join occasionally, somehow, he's not having it. Luckily he is certainly not responsible for my promotion, that's the manager from part 1.
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#261-1's are probably useful for the very ambitious types who want to climb the ladder as they can make their manager clear the path for them.
For people who want to stay in their current role and just keep doing their job as well as they are paid to do it, 1-1's are like pulling teeth and a huge waste of time.
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#271. I need X Y Z, can you get me it?
2. Here is what I am worried about. What are some things that you are worried about?
Usually takes the 15 mins for coffee
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#28These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…
I agree with this. I came to loathe my weekly 1-on-1s because I felt they were just interrupting my work with a 30 minute “So… how has your week been?” chat. I got zero value from them, hopefully my manager got something. In the past I had a manager ask me if I wanted to do them and I said no, so we stopped doing them and it was awesome.
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#29Pay raises.
Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?
#30My staff and I talk about anything they want. What's bothering them, what they want to do, things they are excited about. I don't want a status update from them, that's what stand ups are for. I want to know how are they doing and how they can be in a better spot than they are now. It's literally about them and nothing else.