This post and the comments remind me of this old mocking tweet [1] equating techy rationalists to quokka
> The quokka is a meme animal that lives on Bald Island on the SW coast of Australia, where it has no natural predators. If you visit this island, it will fearlessly walk up and try to hug you..........The quokka, like the rationalist, is a creature marked by profound innocence. The quokka can't imagine you might eat it, and the rationalist can't imagine you might deceive him. As long they stay on their islands, they survive, but both species have problems if a human shows up.
Among my peers, a contractless intangible favor weighs far heavier than one signed on paper with a $$-sign associated with it. That I'd offer/accept such a favor from someone not in my close group of 'people who would uproot their lives for me' is unthinkable. It is a double edged sword. Good faith and high trust societies allow for frictionless societies, but only because betraying that trust has very high social (and sometimes legal) costs. But at some-point, if it is truly no-strings-attached, you're just naïve & gullible. You're letting yourself be taken advantage of, and your naivete is actively working towards the future destruction of the high trust society.
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People should stop trying to be selfless. It is possible to convince/delude your conscious into believing that you are being selfless. But enough unreciprocated favors make you jaded in the subconscious. It is an unhealthy festering that goes on, until a person finds values that sit well with both the conscious and the subconscious.
Invest in people (monetarily or as a relationship) directly. That way, if things go south, you can blame your intuition for picking (human) stocks, rather than resenting the person who failed despite their best efforts. Ask for reciprocation in intangibles (look after my kids, teach me a skill, be my emotional shoulder, let me crash anytime) they can easily give. That way, you are almost paying for a service more so than giving an unprotected loan.
My experience comes from living in joint-family style Asian relationships. They go above and beyond for members of the family who are struggling, but never properly communicate the nature of the unspoken interest that this help entails. So the helped person ends up in a situation where they don't know if they can ever say 'No' to those who helped them at a rough time. It also means that if the helped person isn't reciprocating in (the unspoken) kind, then they get slandered as being selfish, while simultaneously not knowing what is expected from them in the first place. Don't make your friends read your mind. Sign a contract (socially or legally) make the stakes clear to everyone. Life is a lot easier that way.
Paradoxically, Being aware of the transactional nature of relationships, helps structure transactions where favors don't impose an unseen burden on the counterpart in the relationship. In a weird way, being more selfish, is the best way to be selfless.
[1] https://twitter.com/0x49fa98/status/1276138147521400833 (Ignore the rest of the tweet, it goes off the rails pretty fast)