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I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

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Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#251

Post by dudeinhawaii »

The vast differences in lending experiences in my youth (18) led to me using it as a measure of a person's integrity and perhaps how I view them overall -- for better or worse.

I lent one friend money to help pay for a video card and he paid me back exactly on time when he said he would. I respect him to this day. I lent another friend money to pay for some car parts and he did the whole dodging, partial payment, and then forgetfulness thing. I ended up giving up trying to get payment but wrote him off and never had a meaningful interaction with him again.

In some ways its crappy, judging an adult by something in their youth but I've yet to find a case where someone's character changes appreciably in this regard. You're either responsible and pay your debts or you're not.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#252

Post by agumonkey »

jmuguy wrote: post #84

When I was younger I learned that loaning money to friends, and then asking to be repaid, sucks. You're made to feel like you're some sort of Scrooge character. Now I either simply give whatever is asked, and make it clear I do not wish to be paid back, or just say no. Initially it seemed logical to say OK you need 100 bucks for this or that and you'll get me back. But then a month later I'd mention it and was met wi…

Money is a very very subtle topic between humans.

I live where I was a born, so naturally, all elders needing a hand for whatever (mostly computing obv.) get my assistance. They always want to pay or they feel really really bad.

Reminds me I need to read graeber's book about non currency debts.. it seems to discuss these relationships.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#254

Post by pedantsamaritan »

zucked wrote: post #102
Scoundreller wrote: post #3

Meanwhile, I go through life wondering if I borrowed $20 from someone and forgot to pay them back for months and kinda hope they would just say something if I did.

I _constantly_ try to evaluate where I stand with people. If they bought the most recent round of drinks, the next one is on me. If we split dinner, I'm thinking about how their total averaged out compared to mine. If I paid for something, I'm thinking about how much I add to their ledger. I have a "disadvantange" threshold of ~$100 where I won't say anything, but if the imbalance continues to tilt in their favor and…

Thinking I could be insulated because of 10x $10 differences that I thought were close enough makes me sad. I think insulating can be fine, but hopefully your friends know you well enough to know why or you tell them explicitly. Could be in each transaction to split you making sure you're square, or doing a bulk square up.

Some therapists like specific goals like this, for fixed periods of time. Doesn't have to be open ended. Spend X weeks working through the challenges of letting this go.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#255

Post by curiousgal »

stcroixx wrote: post #253

I've never loaned any money in my adult life, not even been asked, nor have I asked for a loan from anywhere besides a bank. Surprised to hear people are doing this with all the obvious potential problems.

> Surprised to hear people are doing this with all the obvious potential problems.

Surprised to hear people think everyone out there have similar life circumstances to themselves.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#256

Post by waterhouse »

traceroute66 wrote: post #107
richthegeek wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

pożyczyć is both borrow and lend :) In English there's a difference of direction. "Kuba pożyczył moj długopis" - Jakub borrowed my pen "Kuba pożyczył mi jego długopos" - Jakub lent me his pen I'm learning Polish slowly, living in Warsaw...

> "Kuba pożyczył moj długopis" Surely a true Pole would say "kurwa Kuba pożyczył moj pierdolic długopis" ? ;-)

Lolz. I don't know Polish, but Google Translate renders these as "Kuba borrowed my pen" and "fucking Kuba borrowed my fucking pen" respectively.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#257

Post by sowbug »

neogodless wrote: post #45
adql wrote: post #7

Well it took me borrowing one video game to learn that lesson. "No, you must've borrowed it to someone else" when I asked. First game I bought for my own pocket money, which at time, in Poland, was a lot for a kid as it was full price title, Baldur's Gate 1 in nice box with manual and a map, and dubbed gloriously with then-radio/TV stars, hell, the narrator voice was better than original. Needless to say I was pretty…

Only for your edification, as your English is 1/0 (infinitely) better than my Polish. I believe you meant "lending / lent" in place of "borrowing / borrowed." We separate the words, so "to borrow" is to temporarily take the item, "to lend" is to temporarily give the item.

I have two more. I don't think any English speaker really cares about them, but they're fun.

One: you "bring" things toward the speaker, and "take" them elsewhere. So "don't forget to bring your umbrella!" is incorrect.

Two: "like" compares, and "as" joins independent clauses. So "I wish I could communicate like tptacek does" should be "I wish I could communicate as tptacek does." A correct use of like might be "You, like tptacek, comment insightfully." A famous example of a controversial misuse of "like" was the 1970s slogan "Nobody can do it like McDonald's can." It should be "... as McDonald's can." When that came out, grammar aficionados lost their minds.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#258

Post by John23832 »

monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

Oprah said it best.

If you give money, the other side will always resent you when you try to get it back. They'll think "I'm struggling to pay this, and this person had it" however irrational that may seem.

If you care enough to give, just give. If you don't, don't.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#259

Post by screwturner68 »

RussianCow wrote: post #196
sillysaurusx wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. Sure, there should be some consequences for not paying it back, but incessant mockery and refusal to pay for McDonald's is probably a fair exchange. "Give people lots of leeway, but only once" has worked out well so far. People can't fool you into making a big mistake twice, and once is just the cost of doing business^W^Wfriendship. On the othe…

> If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. This is easy to say if you're a software engineer at a top tier company making a solid six-figure salary, but $7k is an enormous amount of money for the vast majority of people. I think I would significantly hurt my relationships if I failed to pay back $7k to any of my friends.

exactly. At times in my life $7000 might as well be $1MM, If you take money from someone pay it back.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#260

Post by neogodless »

gowld wrote: post #221
neogodless wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Only for your edification, as your English is 1/0 (infinitely) better than my Polish. I believe you meant "lending / lent" in place of "borrowing / borrowed." We separate the words, so "to borrow" is to temporarily take the item, "to lend" is to temporarily give the item.

This thread is full of native English speakers using "loan" to mean "lend", so "borrow" isn't any worse.

The word "lend" is a synonym (same meaning) for "loan" (as a verb) while "borrow" is an antonym (opposite meaning).

"I will lend you money" or "I will loan you money."

"I need to borrow money until I get back on my feet."

It is not grammatically correct to say "I will borrow you money."

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