I find this very weird to speak about out loud/in public. Having advances is a personal thing and can be quite embarrassing to ask for - maybe after x years it's not as bad but still... Maybe a cultural thing?
I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
171–180 of 344 posts
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#172Yeah listen I'm glad it worked out for Carmack, but for everyone else
YMMV
YMMV
My personal experience. I overcame a lot to go from "lower middle class" to "upper middle class". So I'm great with money, save a lot, etc. But, given my history and where I come from, most of the people I know aren't good with money. I learned a lot of this the hard way - via loans.
I'm not "from the hood", but there's similarities. You sometimes have to cut ties to mature/grow in your personal life. I had to learn most of these people who "were" my friends really aren't my friends any more.
"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in"
Be smart people.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#173Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you often consider friends and family as rich saps or marks?
You shouldn't loan money to those people though, just give it without expectation of repayment.
Really? In my experience people pay back. When I was a student I and my friends ofent had to cover each other when buying tickets or whatever.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#174Ugh... This touched a nerve. Surely, if you have a semi-unlimited amount of money (way-way more than will ever be asked from you), it's easy just to loan and forget. I think it's a much harder game for the rest of us. Also, it has a built-in assumption that people will self-limit what they are asking. I learned the unpleasant way that people don't. At some point in my life, I had a friend who was constantly asking fo…
Yeah certainly a lot of privileged/tone-deaf attitudes in here. I feel like I'm at a conference for Effective Altruism or something.
They're insecure about being successful when others are less fortunate. Rather than admit they got where they are due to a combination of skill _and_ luck, it's decided that it was all skill and that it is the duty of the skilled elites to take care of the rest of us.
Unfortunately, these days you don't even need skill, just a splash of narcissism and good self-marketing.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#175I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…
The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.
If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship.
Sure, there should be some consequences for not paying it back, but incessant mockery and refusal to pay for McDonald's is probably a fair exchange.
"Give people lots of leeway, but only once" has worked out well so far. People can't fool you into making a big mistake twice, and once is just the cost of doing business^W^Wfriendship.
On the other hand, finding friends past age 30 is hard enough that paying random devs random sums of money isn't that bad of a deal.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#176I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…
I had a friend who needed help once and was talking to my stepfather about it who had a successful business.
His thing was if a friend needs help and you can afford it then do it - and it’s not a loan. Making it a loan makes it a bad business transaction.
I took that to heart with that friend and later my daughter’s nanny needed help and asked for an advance and we gave her the money she needed.
Both amounts were significant but we could afford it and I’ve never regretted either.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#177Earlier quoted context omitted.
Private gifts are not taxed until it is over $12 million dollars (the estate tax limit). The IRS does require you to report it if it goes over $16k from one individual to another . This is solely to keep track of that $12M lifetime gift limit. Totally reasonable IMO unless you don't believe in inheritance taxes at all. so you could do $48k from a couple to their child and child's spouse.
Understood and yes it does sound reasonable. I still cringe a bit.
In several European countries this is a trick to get around inheritance tax so, if you die several years after the gift, it's taxed as per inheritance.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#178I'm surprised American McGee hasn't paid him back prior to this. I always assumed that McGee was more successful than he apparently was. Probably due to him putting his name in front of the game's title.
Sounds like McGee might not have got his fair share of Id's success. Maybe Carmack felt bad about that.
> his fair share of Id's success
That's a pretty prejudicial way to put it - he was a junior dev who got fired, how much of "Id's success" do you think he was entitled to?
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#179I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…
The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.
I've had favorable circumstances (parents that did ok, REALLY cheap rent in an expensive city, a regular job) and I've been able to have the same policy, every time my attitude is I will loan money that I could without being too broken up about it set on fire then and there and never with any explicit expectation of good use. if it's returned (some have, some havent been able to) it's a bonus.
now this is a SMALL amount compared to most people but I have friends who have had a really rough time financially.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#180Earlier quoted context omitted.
> She thought I was crazy and was laughing cause I had been conned by an ex. I then explained if I never saw my $40 again it was money well spent. One less person in my life bringing with it their chaos I was surprised by some of this, especially this last part. Firstly, $40 is not a lot of money. Hardly a "big con". Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was…
> Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was obvious she was suffering, and you didn't expect anything in return. It seems you have been lucky enough to be living a sheltered life, without any acquaintance having tried to chat you up to their advantage. Unfortunately there are plenty of people in the real world who are either takers or outright set to exploit…
> It seems you have been lucky enough to be living a sheltered life, without any acquaintance having tried to chat you up to their advantage.
I'm sorry good sir or madam, I stopped reading here.
In my personal life experience with abusive people, I find it makes me want to be more in favor of unconditional help for others, not less. Though I have experienced the urge to want to help people less, which you seem stuck in, and I was formerly stuck. I think it's a stress response. It creates a lot of anxiety to keep sizing people up for how they're going to screw you, instead of just accepting them and treating them well. (Yes, there is a difference between treating them well and letting them abuse you.)