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I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

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Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#151

Post by AceJohnny2 »

adql wrote: post #7

Well it took me borrowing one video game to learn that lesson. "No, you must've borrowed it to someone else" when I asked. First game I bought for my own pocket money, which at time, in Poland, was a lot for a kid as it was full price title, Baldur's Gate 1 in nice box with manual and a map, and dubbed gloriously with then-radio/TV stars, hell, the narrator voice was better than original. Needless to say I was pretty…

There's a difference. As the quote goes: "don't loan something you can't afford to lose".

Carmack, it seems, was comfortable with not being paid back.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#152

Post by simplotek »

asveikau wrote: post #58
fdye wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same. Several years ago I had an ex-GF of sorts reach out to me in SF. She was passing through and wanted to say hi, etc. I had a couple hours before my shift at a bar I worked at so I swung by where she was, bought her a drink, etc. Immediately could tell she was in a bad place, looked like her occasional drug use had become a permanent, more hard kind. About halfway through the drink was a clumsy come on and a push…

> She thought I was crazy and was laughing cause I had been conned by an ex. I then explained if I never saw my $40 again it was money well spent. One less person in my life bringing with it their chaos I was surprised by some of this, especially this last part. Firstly, $40 is not a lot of money. Hardly a "big con". Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was…

> Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was obvious she was suffering, and you didn't expect anything in return.

It seems you have been lucky enough to be living a sheltered life, without any acquaintance having tried to chat you up to their advantage.

Unfortunately there are plenty of people in the real world who are either takers or outright set to exploit you. Not many, but enough to have people learn the wisdom of saying "no" to sob stories.

I once came across a guy who apparently lived close to me who was asking for money for a taxi ride because he was out of gas and had to go to the hospital to check up on his kid who had an emergency and blablabla. I gave the guy 10€ and wished him well. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I stumble upon the same guy right on the same spot. He clearly didn't recognize me as he asked me again for money for a taxi ride because he ran out of gas and his kid was just admitted to the hospital and blablabla. I asked him if he didn't asked for that same request a few weeks ago, to which he just stood there looking at me without saying a word, and after a couple of seconds he turned back and proceeded to walk away and never be seen again.

In the pre mass online shopping days I also had a close friend who just moved to another city. Our friend group had thrown him a big farewell party and everyone promised to keep in touch and visit all the time and all those things. After a few days that friend reached out to us saying he now lived right next to a consumer electronics megashop, and if any of us wanted anything shipped then we could simply send him the cash and he would buy the stuff we needed. A couple of guys from the friend group took him on his offer and sent him cash transfers, and that friend proceeded to ghost everyone.

Sadly I have other personal anecdotes, some of which real sob stories.

It really depends on what you mean by helping people with a small amount. Those who profit from your actions do benefit from the money they get from you even if it's under false pretenses. Robbers who steal stuff from people around them are also helped by getting their hands on il gotten gains.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#153

Post by jeffrallen »

luxuryballs wrote: post #131
alach11 wrote: post #93

I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…

The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.

It is possible to give gifts to friends and not expect to be repaid. Life is not zero sum.

But knowing yourself enough to know you can trust yourself to do this is not easy.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#154

Post by racl101 »

luxuryballs wrote: post #131
alach11 wrote: post #93

I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…

The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.

Yeah, I couldn't loan that much. I'd gift a friend at most $ 2K and the expectation that I won't see it will ease my mind more than the expectation that they'd pay back $7K.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#155

Post by theonething »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #134
theonething wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That doesn't sound right The per year limit for 2023 is 17,000. A 11M lifetime limit would mean 647 years of giving. I think the 11M figure is just totally way off. Not sure where they are getting that from.

https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employe... Scroll down to ”Basic Exclusion Amount for Year of Death” The gift giver pays the tax, but only after they give more than the lifetime amount.

So that's an estate tax upon death.

But given we're talking about loans and gifts while a person is living, I think the correct tax to invoke is the gift tax that has a limit of $17,000 per year.

https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employe...

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#156

Post by Benjamin_Dobell »

Obviously, it really comes down to who you're lending money to. I've lent money to a few people and generally been repaid fairly quickly. Mostly just a few hundred dollars to be repaid the next pay day, or maybe at tax return time. I suspect a final small repayment may have been missed here and there because those involved (myself included) forgot, but that's about it.

The largest loan I made (a few thousand dollars) was diligently repaid; a little each month once the borrower found work again. I also allowed the same person to stay with me, my wife and young daughter a few years later. To clarify - not because they were incapable of paying rent - they needed somewhere short term (couple of months) and I was happy to assist. Said person is now fairly significantly more wealthy than me and they've mentioned several times how thankful they are of what I did for them. I don't need (or want) anything from them, but if anything ever happens to me, and my family need help, I suspect they'd try help out if they could.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#157

Post by humanizersequel »

zucked wrote: post #102
Scoundreller wrote: post #3

Meanwhile, I go through life wondering if I borrowed $20 from someone and forgot to pay them back for months and kinda hope they would just say something if I did.

I _constantly_ try to evaluate where I stand with people. If they bought the most recent round of drinks, the next one is on me. If we split dinner, I'm thinking about how their total averaged out compared to mine. If I paid for something, I'm thinking about how much I add to their ledger. I have a "disadvantange" threshold of ~$100 where I won't say anything, but if the imbalance continues to tilt in their favor and…

It's interesting because I — and as far as I can tell, most of my circle — do a similar sort of thing but it's much fuzzier. Nobody is really keeping track of particular dollar amounts, but we seem to have excellent group memory of who last bought who what, who paid for the last round of drinks, etc. I wonder which style (particular vs. fuzzy) is more common.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#158

Post by itsthejb »

gamegoblin wrote: post #122
neogodless wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Only for your edification, as your English is 1/0 (infinitely) better than my Polish. I believe you meant "lending / lent" in place of "borrowing / borrowed." We separate the words, so "to borrow" is to temporarily take the item, "to lend" is to temporarily give the item.

In Spanish they are the same word also -- "alquilar" -- "to rent" and "to rent out". Do any linguistics geeks reading have a word I can google for this phenomenon? That is, a word that means something like "a word or phrase that is bidirectional in one language but part of a unidirectional pair in another"

Ditto in German. One of those rare times English is more specific!

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#159

Post by _a_a_a_ »

neogodless wrote: post #45
adql wrote: post #7

Well it took me borrowing one video game to learn that lesson. "No, you must've borrowed it to someone else" when I asked. First game I bought for my own pocket money, which at time, in Poland, was a lot for a kid as it was full price title, Baldur's Gate 1 in nice box with manual and a map, and dubbed gloriously with then-radio/TV stars, hell, the narrator voice was better than original. Needless to say I was pretty…

Only for your edification, as your English is 1/0 (infinitely) better than my Polish. I believe you meant "lending / lent" in place of "borrowing / borrowed." We separate the words, so "to borrow" is to temporarily take the item, "to lend" is to temporarily give the item.

True but in some parts of the uk (north/midlands) 'lend' can mean borrow. As kids I'd be asked by someone at school 'can I lend your pencil?' (= can I borrow your pencil). Dunno if they use that any more though. Was decades ago.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#160

Post by mmcgaha »

The advice that I have most commonly heard and that I follow. If I loan money to a friend then think of it as a gift instead of a loan. I have given serious amounts of money twice and unfortunately they avoid me like the plague. I wish that they knew that I will never mention it.
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