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I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

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Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#21

Post by RjQoLCOSwiIKfpm »

monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

Instead of rewarding the antisocial behavior and therefore causing it to happen more frequently, albeit to other people, I would recommend one of these:

- "I'm sorry but I've lost my job. I cannot afford this."

- "I'm sorry but no means no."

- If they insist: "Which part of the two letters in 'No' do you not understand?"

You aren't the jerk. Someone who doesn't accept "no" is the jerk.

There's places to go to to lend money, they're called banks. If you're not a bank it's not your job.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#22

Post by n42 »

mikrl wrote: post #9
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

Would telling them to go fuck themselves not be cheaper and easier? Edit: I don’t have fuck you money, so I am actually ignorant of the dynamic you’re describing. I’d rather be known as an asshole with backbone than a rich sap though. One of those looks more like a mark than the other.

relationship dynamics change in many ways when you have disproportionate amounts of wealth

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#23

Post by danuker »

zahrc wrote: post #8
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

That is so surreal to me. I had to loan money from friends for real emergencies and always made sure they get paid - often more than they gave. How can one not be guilt-ridden until their deathbed?

There exist sociopaths and utility monsters.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#24

Post by johnchristopher »

zahrc wrote: post #8
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

That is so surreal to me. I had to loan money from friends for real emergencies and always made sure they get paid - often more than they gave. How can one not be guilt-ridden until their deathbed?

> How can one not be guilt-ridden until their deathbed?

Well, some most likely are.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#26

Post by serioussecurity »

zahrc wrote: post #8
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

That is so surreal to me. I had to loan money from friends for real emergencies and always made sure they get paid - often more than they gave. How can one not be guilt-ridden until their deathbed?

Heavy drinking.

Usually they're choosing between a set of bad options.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#27

Post by gernb »

monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

It's very generous of you.

I'd like to point out my experience of taking the loan and never repaying it. I felt guilty for decades and more distant from the loaner. They never brought it up but my guilty mind did.

So I'm not 100% sure it was a net positive for our relationship.

If I was to do loan money and they didn't pay back in some reasonable amount of time I think I'd tell them explicitly it was a gift. Though I'm not sure that would fix things in the guilty person's mind (yea, I get I'm projecting my feeling on guilt on them. They might not feel any guilt at all)

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#28

Post by greenthrow »

monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

That is not how the psychology of that interaction would work. If someone doesn't want more than what they asked you for they wouldn't accept it. If they did want more then they aren't going to stop asking because you gave them extra.

This is an obvious fabrication by someone with little to no actual life experience.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#29

Post by wheels »

It almost always makes more sense to just give money (or frame it as a "payment" for something) than to loan friends / family money. The usual thing I ask is that people do it for someone else later in life if they can. It just makes everything less icky if there's no nominal expectation of repayment. Occasionally I've had things repaid anyway.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#30

Post by SuoDuanDao »

zahrc wrote: post #8
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

That is so surreal to me. I had to loan money from friends for real emergencies and always made sure they get paid - often more than they gave. How can one not be guilt-ridden until their deathbed?

The majority of requests for money come from a minority of people with sad stories. You are clearly a member of the majority.
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