Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

11–20 of 644 posts

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#11

Post by leokennis »

anon291 wrote: post #6

Part of this is that Americans have an obsession with babies sleeping in another room and in another bed. My family immigrated here and no one ever did that. Children sleep with their parents.

I slept with both my babies for maybe two nights. Nights where I slept an hour or less because I would wake with every little sound they made. Then I put them in their own rooms, with a baby monitor set to a reasonable threshold.

I got a solid 3-4 hours a night. The babies got fed, cleaned, cuddled etc. Win-win.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#12

Post by darrmit »

I'm more interested in the long-term psychological effects of sleep training and how it affects a child's perception of "secure attachment" [1]. We sleep trained our oldest and did not our youngest and their personalities couldn't be more different. Of course, this may be entirely unrelated, but it's still something my wife and I have wondered about as we've learned more about it.

[1] https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/psychologists/what-is-secu...

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#13

Post by beaned »

I wish that when they included this line:

"Modern Mayan mothers, for example, expressed shock when they heard that in the US, babies were put to sleep in a separate room."

That they followed it up with why Mayan mothers prefer to sleep with the baby. Is it just a default cultural expectation or do they have their own reason for it?

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#14

Post by pessimizer »

jjulius wrote: post #7
anon291 wrote: post #6

Part of this is that Americans have an obsession with babies sleeping in another room and in another bed. My family immigrated here and no one ever did that. Children sleep with their parents.

What does it matter how a family sleeps as long as it works well for the family? Edit: And is it an "obsession" or simply a cultural difference?

> as long as it works well for the family?

It's easier for the family when the child is in the room with the parents. At least in the same way it is easier to have a master bathroom rather than one on the other side of the house.

> is it an "obsession" or simply a cultural difference?

It was an imposed cultural difference. American parents were told they would hurt their children if they slept in the same room with them, or attended to them too quickly when they cried. So they changed their behavior in order to conform.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#15

Post by lazide »

darrmit wrote: post #12

I'm more interested in the long-term psychological effects of sleep training and how it affects a child's perception of "secure attachment" [1]. We sleep trained our oldest and did not our youngest and their personalities couldn't be more different. Of course, this may be entirely unrelated, but it's still something my wife and I have wondered about as we've learned more about it. [1] https://www.betterhelp.com/advic…

The same happens regularly without sleep training too, so ymmv obviously.

One thing I will note - if the kid doesn’t sleep and wakes up the adults for years, that impact pretty clearly ruins the adults, and has severe impacts on the kids too.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#17

Post by alfred_wram »

jjulius wrote: post #7
anon291 wrote: post #6

Part of this is that Americans have an obsession with babies sleeping in another room and in another bed. My family immigrated here and no one ever did that. Children sleep with their parents.

What does it matter how a family sleeps as long as it works well for the family? Edit: And is it an "obsession" or simply a cultural difference?

> as it works well for the family

I understand the argument to be that it doesn't work well for the baby. That they experience a form of abandonment because their brains are wired to equate abandonment with the absence of close contact. They're very dependent on the proximity of a caregiver.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#18

Post by mfer »

darrmit wrote: post #12

I'm more interested in the long-term psychological effects of sleep training and how it affects a child's perception of "secure attachment" [1]. We sleep trained our oldest and did not our youngest and their personalities couldn't be more different. Of course, this may be entirely unrelated, but it's still something my wife and I have wondered about as we've learned more about it. [1] https://www.betterhelp.com/advic…

We sleep trained both our kids and their personalities are so different.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#19

Post by voisin »

lazide wrote: post #16
robg wrote: post #8

Co-sleeping has much more of a basis in human history. The challenge is transitioning.

And SIDS.

Source? Everything I’ve read has shown this to be more of an urban legend if anything. Most SIDS deaths related to cosleeping involved alcohol or drugs. SIDS was actually found to be reduced due to breathing regulation matching that of the parent.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#20

Post by lazide »

pessimizer wrote: post #14
jjulius wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What does it matter how a family sleeps as long as it works well for the family? Edit: And is it an "obsession" or simply a cultural difference?

> as long as it works well for the family? It's easier for the family when the child is in the room with the parents. At least in the same way it is easier to have a master bathroom rather than one on the other side of the house. > is it an "obsession" or simply a cultural difference? It was an imposed cultural difference. American parents were told they would hurt their children if they slept in the same room with t…

SIDS data shows a (relatively) high occurrence of kids dying by having parents roll over on them, or them getting entrapped/suffocated in bedding. In traditional cultures, this usually gets covered up.

Additionally, it’s much harder for the parents or kids to get consistent sleep (often already causing a lot of difficulties during this time), when toddler age kids are in the same area, due to differing schedules.

In the US, due to mainly socio-economic issues (need to migrate for work often results in families separated over long distances), it is relatively uncommon to have relatives living in the same household able to help with childcare too, especially late at night. So it puts a lot more load on the parents.

If not managed effectively, this can break the parents in ways no one likes to talk about in polite company.

Post reply on HN