Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#21

Post by DamonHD » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:36 AM UTC

I invented a product and founded a company and after a similar length of time sold it during the pandemic. It's a wrench. My older child will be leaving home fairly soon. That's also hard to absorb.

I've almost by accident arranged to start a part time research / academic role (PhD student) in January. I can also manage financally. This work will help fix an urgent practical problem in my country and wider.

Am I burning with passion and leaping out of bed each morning? Not yet.

If I took a wrong turn here would it be disaster to change my mind? No.

Give it time. We're both making a big change after many years and I think that amongst other things the supertanker in our heads takes time to change course. It may not be enough, but I think time is necessary.

(Feel free to drop me an email - see my home page - if you wish.)

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#22

Post by Zoo3y » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:36 AM UTC

You don't sound lost, but you do sound bored. Dive into a non work related hobby. If I was rich and married I'd do as much as I can to learn, teach, and collect art. None of us would be able to tell you what is important to you.

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#23

Post by cjbprime » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:36 AM UTC

Since no-one's mentioned it yet: you should see a therapist, feeling lost like this is an excellent and common reason for therapy. Happy holidays, g'luck.

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#24

Post by justinko » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:37 AM UTC

Do nothing. Binge tv shows. Go on long walks. Hit the gym. Your mind will pull passion out of boredom and restlessness. Lean into it.

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#25

Post by eof » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:37 AM UTC

10 day (free) vipassana meditation retreats will fix you right up. Don’t get caught up in the dogma though.

dhamma dot org

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#26

Post by starwind » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:40 AM UTC

lost_founder wrote: post #12

starwind wrote: post #9

Yeah I felt the same way about 18 months ago. I took a contract gig (hybrid) that pays well, lets me pick up some new skills, but limits me to 40 hours a week, isn't that hard and I'm not emotionally invested since I don't even work for the company. It's been a nice way to get some space and figure out what I actually want

Has it been helpful? Have you figured anything out?

Yeah, I got some hobbies. Reconnected with old friends. Starting working out and taking care of myself a lot better. I was way too emotionally tied up in my job when I was working for big corporations. I got kind of lucky cause I work with a good group of people and even when we're remote we interact all day long-I do wish we went into the office more though

Nice thing about contracting is the hiring process is a lot more streamlined, and there's no expectation you'll stay for years. So, when you're feeling better, you can move on to a regular job again

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#27

Post by peterhunt » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:40 AM UTC

If you want to have kids, now is the time. Seems like you’re in a great position to do it right and it will almost certainly fill the hole you’re feeling.

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#28

Post by krembo » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:43 AM UTC

Just install Blind and start complaining about your TC

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#29

Post by bjt2n3904 » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:44 AM UTC

The men who walked on the moon faced a terrible challenge: what do you do afterwards? Surely, everything else won't stack up to... Ya know. Walking on the moon. (You can read their biographies. It was a struggle for them.) Perhaps you might relate -- successfully selling a business is a significant life achievement. But... What next?

Personally, I've observed a lot of people here at HN invest a significant portion of their lives and significance into their careers and companies they found. But then -- a story similar to yours, their career or company is taken from them, and an existential crisis hits.

Speaking as Christian and an engineer -- Paul made tents for a living, but Paul did not live to make tents. Paul lived to share the gospel, something of eternal significance. I've found, as he has, that this investment is far more worthwhile than anything else I've ever done with engineering. I hope I won't lose my job any time soon. But even if I do, it's not my life's work. The book of Ecclesiastes is a magnificent read in this regard.

Congratulations on your wedding, and sale of your business! I'm sorry to hear the acquisition didn't go as well as it should have. Hoping the best for you in 2023, my DMs are open on Twitter if you want to chat!

Re: Ask HN: I’m Lost. Help?

#30

Post by johnwheeler » Wed, Dec 28, 2022, 6:44 AM UTC

Don’t try. It will come if you just follow your whims and don’t commit to anything. You’re not burnt out from programming. You’re burnt out from delivering, which is a totally different and much more demanding framing of the activity. When you have to stay laser focused for so long, it takes its toll. It’s the opportunity costs. You don’t get to do what you want, and your body and mind are not ready to go through that again.

Don’t try. Just do what interests you until it doesn’t anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that.