211–220 of 310 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think you're taking a humorous tone[0] too literally. The poster you answer to was saying that they think the biblical stories are myths/legends. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Understatement
I'm usually very good at detecting irony, tongue-in-cheek and similar "humorous tones". I see nothing indicating it here.
"One great thing about having small children is that they make you spend time on things that matter: them. They grab your sleeve as you're staring at your phone and say "will you play with me?" And odds are that is in fact the bullshit-minimizing option." This. He is right about this.
This may be true, but this is not the majority of your life - unless you’re on some mission to repopulate the earth, you’ll have maybe 8-10 years when you have children who aren’t babies who want to play with you. Apparently people become magically wise during those years and then quickly forget these wisdom after. If that’s not true then you should be seeing a glut of extremely wise people who’ve been “corrected” by…
Most of the time, the things that are screaming for our attention are not the truly important things, so it's easy to get distracted and waste time. When we have little kids, they happen to be both important and screaming for our attention, which makes it much easier for us to focus on what's important. That's the point he was making.
I actually observed this in my life a week ago. We just moved our toddler from the crib to a bed and he's been waking up in the middle of the night asking for attention. When this happened, my first instinct was like "ugh. I have to go lay down w him rather than doing advent of code". Then I realized that laying down w my 2 year old is so much cooler and meaningful than anything else I could be doing w that time.
I heard the phrase sometimes "you don't have to do this, you get to do this". That's what I think the quote is about.
This makes you think that Paul would be interested in fighting for a world where people don't waste most of their short lives in bullshit corporate jobs because the market demands it, and instead can focus on important things like their families.
Funny enough, I know some engineers who go to work, non-remote, to escape from their wife and kids for a bit and work becomes an avenue to relax! And having to take care of an aging parent who lives with me, I can understand.
And it inevitably it gives ammo to those who want to take away remote work for everyone.
“See, they don’t actually want to work remotely!”
> If you had a handful of 8 peanuts, or a shelf of 8 books to choose from, the quantity would definitely seem limited, no matter what your lifespan was. I find this argument strange, especially since he uses the word "seem". "Seem" does not mean "is". If you really want to make life seem short, measure it in millennia. You only get a fraction of one. Personally, I feel it's about your state of mind. If you're depress…
A great sign that we should pay attention to his advice :)
"One great thing about having small children is that they make you spend time on things that matter: them. They grab your sleeve as you're staring at your phone and say "will you play with me?" And odds are that is in fact the bullshit-minimizing option." This. He is right about this.
This may be true, but this is not the majority of your life - unless you’re on some mission to repopulate the earth, you’ll have maybe 8-10 years when you have children who aren’t babies who want to play with you. Apparently people become magically wise during those years and then quickly forget these wisdom after. If that’s not true then you should be seeing a glut of extremely wise people who’ve been “corrected” by…
Sample size of 1, but there is a noticeable difference in my friend and family group between people with kids and without kids. Particularly around “having it together.” Children are little logistical nightmares, more so the younger they are. From scheduling around the kids schedules (I.e when they wake up, have dinner, swimming lessons, when the bedtime routine starts, etc) to being prepared to leave the house for mundane things like grocery shopping (is the diaper bag packed, do we have milk, will we be gone long enough to need to pump, etc.). There is also much less agency as a parent, a good portion of every day is on the rails dictated by your kids schedule. You are also chronically sleep deprived for a window of 6-24 months around each pregnancy and the mother has a tonne of discomfort, weight, and a new balance of hormones for a large window around the pregnancy. You’re operating in this degraded state and have to juggle the logistics of parenthood on top of the family budget because you still have bills to pay. Your kids finally go to bed, but you can’t leave them at home alone (morally or legally) so unless you pay someone to sit on your couch for the night or find a relative who can pitch in, you are literally trapped in the house and can’t leave until they wake up.
People without kids say “thank god it’s Friday!” at the office, people with large families call the weekend two days without child care. People without kids mention going to the movies, people with kids haven’t been to the movies since their first kid was born unless they scheduled it a week in advance with their grandparents, and that movie had to be weighed against every other possible option for date night because you might not get to go out together again for months.
I don’t know how this _couldn’t_ impact a human’s behavior. To conflate it with “wisdom” might be incorrect but, at least from my personal observations, parents operate VERY differently in their day to day lives than their counterparts without children.
To your point of that having a lasting impact, it’s clear grandparents to these families have forgotten a lot of what it meant to be parents. Often suggesting unreasonable things in the face of the logistics of parenthood (like staying up late for a social gathering - as if they’ve forgotten what an over tired 20 month old is like).
Here’s my perspective on life: dying is probably the whole point of your life, or perhaps coming to terms with it, and conquering your fear of it. All other forms of “importance” derive from this root. - It is is unlikely anything you do will “matter”. Out of ~117 billion people to have ever lived over countless millennia, the lives of note throughout history are what? 10k? 100k? Even if it’s 1b meaningful lives that…
How is past mutable?
Example. A few years ago I was laid off right after my kid was born. Bad thing that happened to me, right?
In retrospect, if I didn't get laid off from there, I would end up living in a different state, and my kids wouldn't live next door to their cousins. And I am fine work wise as well.
So I retrospect, getting laid off from that job was the best thing that could have happened because it was a critical junction to my current life which I love.
"One great thing about having small children is that they make you spend time on things that matter: them. They grab your sleeve as you're staring at your phone and say "will you play with me?" And odds are that is in fact the bullshit-minimizing option." This. He is right about this.
This may be true, but this is not the majority of your life - unless you’re on some mission to repopulate the earth, you’ll have maybe 8-10 years when you have children who aren’t babies who want to play with you. Apparently people become magically wise during those years and then quickly forget these wisdom after. If that’s not true then you should be seeing a glut of extremely wise people who’ve been “corrected” by…
A lot of relationships go sour, and IMO I think it's fairly difficult for even the married-forevers to say if their relationship stays good. There is also more conflicts of interest with your spousal partner than there are with children in many ways. Your partner is major, but so is your friends, your kids, your family and there isn't a silver bullet for any of them.
My daughter is turning 5 in a few weeks. I realized I only have 3 more of these until she’s (likely) moving out. 4x5=20, and she’ll likely be living her own life by 20. Most of the time you spend with your kids is spent by the time they’re 16. I moved away from my hometown. I see my immediate relatives twice a year now, once at Christmas and once in the summer. Most of my family is getting old. I probably have 125 or…
I'm 40. My parents are 75 and I recently moved back next door to them. I expect to be here until they die. Is it my favourite place to live? No. Best for my career? Couldn't be worse. But I see my folks every day. I see my childhood friends every week. I see as much of my family as I can stand - I bump into a random cousin on the daily.
Do you value closeness to family above other things and would you like your daughter to value closeness to you when she grows up? Choices are here to be made.
At 51, I am trying to come to grips with wasting my life in my 20s, 30s and 40s. I don't remember doing anything memorable during that time. I spent too much time doing bullshit programming or doing the same old comfortable things with friends. I wish I dated more. Tried more things that young people can do. I was too scared to make mistakes. Now I can't go back. It's driving me nuts.
You can't go back only forward, find peace with your past. A therapist can help. Put another pearl on the string of life and move forward.
My biggest regret is not going to therapy sooner. I would've been so much happier sooner. Now I laugh at the irony of that statement.