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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#731

Post by hanedot10 »

kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

I am your age and I turned my life around in the last few years and now have much of the things you wish for. I can attribute much of it to therapy. It's ok to ask for help, you have shown you can do it here. Best of luck, know that it is possible.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#733

Post by salambombay »

soheil wrote: post #286
necovek wrote: post #10

I don't have any idea why you think "a wife, kids" are out of the picture for you: after early adulthood, men and women are looking for someone they can see having a family with, and not for the more superfluous things in life (good looks, status or lots of money). At 43, having kids is harder for women, but usually not for men (well, at least making babies: bringing up kids does get a bit harder as you age regardles…

Second that. I wish people would avoid not rejecting "it's too late for kids at 43". The more implicit affirmation you hear on HN it strengthens that false belief.

Wow! So many negatives. I had to whip out pen and paper to figure it out: Negative: "avoid" Negative: "not" Negative: "rejecting" Negative: "too late..."

So, you're saying: you wish people accept its ok to have kids at 43?

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#734

Post by m_fayer »

Other than terminal illness, war, abuse etc. there is no age/life-configuration/set-of-limits that cannot be turned around into a satisfying life. It's a failure of imagination that prevents you from figuring out what that satisfying life might look like (it probably won't look like the life you believe you've missed out on, you need to put those dreams to rest), a failure of motivation and imagination that blocks you from figuring out how to get there, and a failure of hope that locks it all in.

Effective therapy (and possibly medication) will grant you the starting energy and improved outlook that you need to make the rest possible. Godspeed.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#735

Post by baandang »

ogou wrote: post #117

Yes. I turned my life around at 43. Single, obsolete tech skills, lots of debt, personal issues. Began with taking a genuine inventory of my life and how I function, not just how I felt. I picked a constructive and structured approach to that, which looked a lot like CBT therapy but was something else. It was a life reset, clearing out all the baggage. It was very difficult but incremental and genuine over time. Afte…

To me, happiness as we age is making sure that we still have dreams and goals. My goal is to make my 50s the most exciting and interesting decade of life and then try to top it in my 60s.

Even if I don't reach the goal that is besides the point.

I am also though not acting out a romance novel with a wife, kids and living happily ever after. Disney is not going to make a movie that the prince gets divorced and lives happily ever after being single , no kids, and the freedom to do whatever they want.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#736

Post by baandang »

docmars wrote: post #497
rchaud wrote: post #453

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The eyes never lie. Neither does body language; posture, tone of voice, conversational flow. All of those things change for the better when a person is genuinely content and secure with who and what they are.

I think for me, the hardest part is reconciling two things: 1) maybe being _too content_ or satisfied with life's mundanity — the idea of being settled down and spending most of my free time at home with my dog, playing video games, reading news, watching interesting videos, and occasionally reading a good book — with the occasional social gathering with friends, whether that's hosting a small party, or going to a fu…

Yea that is just not going to happen.

I have dated so many divorced and separated women that just couldn't deal with the video games anymore. Way more so than financial problems. Financial problems didn't make them feel actively and completely ignored day in and day out.

Almost like the ultimate aphrodisiac in 2022 is a guy who hates video games.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#737

Post by thorin »

jimhi wrote: post #109

I've been gathering a list of people who turned their life around at 35+, might be an inspiration - https://mrsteinberg.com/creatives-who-made-it-when-they-were...

And Harvey Pekar I guess, I love American Splendor.

However a lot of those people had already "made it" in some sense, but they became notable in old(er) age.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#738

Post by waterlovinguy2 »

Started surfing at 39 Post 40: started windsurfing Became a full-time software developer Got married Had a child Got a new motorcycle Ran two half marathons and multiple races shorter. Started writing and drawing with regularity and getting better at both all the time (this post not withstanding)

All in all I look back at my 40's and consider it the best decade of my life. Do a quick search and you'll see that so many artists, writers, etc. did their seminal work later in life. Athletics and punk rock are the only areas your youth is a true factor (excluding Iggy Pop)

Get some therapy, re-set your ideas and expectations of your life and good luck to you truly.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#739

Post by docmars »

baandang wrote: post #736
docmars wrote: post #497

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think for me, the hardest part is reconciling two things: 1) maybe being _too content_ or satisfied with life's mundanity — the idea of being settled down and spending most of my free time at home with my dog, playing video games, reading news, watching interesting videos, and occasionally reading a good book — with the occasional social gathering with friends, whether that's hosting a small party, or going to a fu…

Yea that is just not going to happen. I have dated so many divorced and separated women that just couldn't deal with the video games anymore. Way more so than financial problems. Financial problems didn't make them feel actively and completely ignored day in and day out. Almost like the ultimate aphrodisiac in 2022 is a guy who hates video games.

I'm sorry you feel this way, and it's easy to become cynical after several failures on that front (I'm assuming) — I know many happily married men with amazing wives who generously allow their husbands to play video games for a reasonable amount of time, and they have children too. It's not universal, but ultimately they found women who respect them.

Another parallel I draw is: many women binge shows on Netflix and Disney+, or binge-read fiction novels, or [insert their own hobbies here] — and they especially have no room to criticize men for playing video games. Heck, many women have taken up playing games too when they find the right genre.

> Yea that is just not going to happen.

I actually dated someone who was quite a homebody herself, but things didn't work out for other reasons, not so much our lifestyles.

If not receiving constant attention counts as being ignored, then I'm not sure what to tell them.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#740

Post by A_Venom_Roll »

larve wrote: post #320

Managed to lift myself out of a suicidal hole that started when I was around 7-8. It started with quitting smoking and picking up exercise, which did seem to make a lot of the underlying substrate of hopelessness recede. Then came the pandemic, which allowed me to step back from human interaction and day to day noise enough to realize how much calmer my life could be. I picked up mountain biking which reconnected wit…

Loved reading your post man.
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