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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#261
post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately finding a therapist in Germany is near impossible even in a big city, I’ve been on the waiting list for almost a year now with no sign of end and I live in Hamburg which is one of the richest cities in Germany

Could you try one of the remote services like Better Help? (I have no idea if they have good therapists, I just see their name a lot lately).

I do not recommend remote therapy one bit.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#262
44, somewhat in midlife burnout here. Plenty of better replies- getting professional help seems to be a solid recommendation here- but a few thoughts I don't see mentioned elsewhere:

- Your life has value no matter what. Your worth is not measured in money, fame, number of kids, etc. I arrive at this several ways, but firmly believe even the poorest homeless guy's life has intrinsic value worth preserving. Life is certainly better with a little money and social support, so those are worth seeking, but you have value even without them.

- I know when I've really been down two things help me the most: 1) Helping others. Find a soup kitchen, tutor program, some volunteer org and volunteer a few hours. 2) Being creative. This may be more personal, but is something I never _feel_ like doing at the time, but always helps. I watercolor mostly, but would also count writing, gardening, or really any non-commercial hobby.

- The two things above may not be the end all, but may get you to a point where you are networking and have some drive to answer the other questions. "I don't have ideas/skills/network for entrepreneurship" especially seems like a solvable problem.

Again, you can probably do better than some internet rando's advice, but thought I'd mention those. All the best!

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#264

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A therapist is helpful but I would also suggest seeing a psychiatrist. Clinical depression and mood issues need to be treated with medication. I would recommend finding a psychiatrist and get a referral for therapist from them if you are able to. You would be able to work together with both medication and theraphy to get better. It will take bit of a time to get better but don't be discouraged, OP. Progress will be s…

In my experience, learning proper coping mechanisms, finding new hobbies, getting better sleep, better diet, getting enough exercise, making sure your vitamin levels are in line, were all much more effective than medication. Medication actually made feel worse and more trapped, and I've taken almost every single antidepressant that can be prescribed. What worked for me will not work for everyone. It's important to tr…

It's certainly a journey. I recommend checking with both for this reason. If one isn't working out, you would be able to tell which you respond to better. Medication also often take time to work and may need to go through months of experimentation if common prescription do not help. In the meantime, theraphy can act as a strong force in improving your life and vice versa.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#265

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

I'm sorry but how is this helpful? Even if you're actively employed that's a tough cost-benefit decision.

Literally there is no greater cost than not being able to live/earn a living/achieve any of your goals.

So of course the cost is worth it.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#266

Potentially risking downvotes, since religion makes people uncomfortable, but since you mentioned mental health services are lacking, have you tried joining a local church? Priests are the original therapists, and it’s a great way to meet people. It’s not for everyone, but if you’re struggling to find meaning in your own life, perhaps looking up is the answer?

I'm not a religious person, but I second this. I met my wife through a religious institution and I've also made one good friend there.

Note that the religion itself doesn't matter as long as you feel safe and comfortable with the people there.

Now, with regards to your dreams, are they really _your_ dreams? Or are you chasing them because, well, everybody else is chasing them?

I'm no therapist so please take this advice with a grain of salt, but I _felt_ my life improving when I stopped chasing for things that I actually didn't value much, such as a prestígios career, a beautiful home and family, a nice car, traveling the world, buying a big TV, etc. After much introspection, I realized that as long as I can pay my bills, have food on the table, and have the company of my wife and dog, I don't really need more than that.

Obviously we're all different and each of us will have different _needs_, but the _wants_ can be quite similar because of what we've been told our entire lives.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#267
Start listening/reading Jordan Peterson

Get religious. We are meant to have a story we fit into, this had been religion for every culture as far as we know. The modern atheist man is lost, nihilist, doomed in most cases.

Depression is a way your body/mind tell you something is not working, that the things you are pursuing are not worth it (loose interest in everything)

If you go into a religious practice, there is process to forgive yourself (procrastination) and a path to push forward to something good (wife, family, etc)

Woman are starving for a decent man that want to be usefull and do good things.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#268
Start by addressing the basics. Get out of the house frequently, get around other people. Spend 1 hour a day walking in the sunlight. Climbing hills and/or exerting yourself can help you feel better about yourself. Do your own research on vitamin / mineral deficiencies. I find B vitamins and magnesium supplements plus potassium-rich foods to be beneficial.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#269
post #77

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

Katie Morton has some good videos on how to select a therapist and red flags to beware of.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#270
Going against the grain here. The only person who can help you is you. A good therapist can help you realize that earlier too.

You're going to get many perspectives of how you can help yourself in this thread, some will resonate and some won't at all.

Facing your longing for happiness and reason may be the very thing preventing you from obtaining it. Sometimes in order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.

In other words, you have to listen to yourself in terms of how to turn your life around. Maybe even the fear of being successful paralyzes you from beginning.

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