191–200 of 310 posts
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Indeed, nothing to help focus the mind like having kids. Until I held my firstborn life was all fun and games.
Is it a bad thing for life to be fun and games?
Almost exactly 18 months ago, my then 87 year old father, after feeling unwell and having some fluid problems with his lungs was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer. He turned down treatment and died at home a couple days before Christmas last year. I've come away from the experience very unhappy with the medical system. There's a long list, things that in any other industry would be prosecuted. The medical and hospic…
I ultimately came away from the situation realizing that things only got done when you actively threaten people and force them take action.
Doctor doesn't want to properly follow up on a stage-iv foot ulcer and home wound care misses scheduled appointments? Ok, we're going to the ER and telling them that the doctor doesn't respond to his service and home care didn't show up. Had to do that several times but eventually doctors and home care got tired of getting yelled at (by me and by whomever at the hospital system they reported too, because, ER staff was unhappy) that home care and doctors visits were much more regular.
Sadly 94 with a foot ulcer only ends one way and in the hospital post-amputation doctors were deflecting responsibility for his ongoing care and basically leaving him on a post-op ward with minimal PT/OT and extremely limited interaction due to COVID restrictions. A JACO complaint resulted in a meeting at the hospital with about 16 doctors in attendance. I started the conversation by telling them "Your inaction is killing my grandfather and before we leave here today we will find a solution because I will not allow you to murder him". My aunt (who was there) described me as "a bit much" but within 24 hours he was moved home with appropriate support, multiple PT/OT daily, 24-hour home care, nursing visits, etc.
Sadly 94 with an amputation only ends one way and within 6 months he reached a point where we knew the end was near. We enrolled in a home hospice program but the end came quickly. Hospice, despite promising 24/7 coverage and promising quick response times, failed in the end and despite repeated calls over his final day nobody showed up. Eventually, only threatening to call 911 (because we were desperate) and saying we would tell 911 that hospice care was non-responsive resulted in a nursing dispatch, but, it was too late.
The American health care system seems to require one to stand up and scream sometimes to get help. Doctors, nurses, etc are individually great people but they all have their own myopic opinions of the situation which my grandfather was not the center of. Getting things done requires reorienting them and making them realize you will not settle and that medical opinion is both only an opinion but also only one part of a large equation. (Yes, perhaps, PT/OT techs in Dr X's experience are better in sub-acute rehab facility X, definitely they will do 3x daily instead of 2x daily, but being completely isolated (no family visits due to COVID) is a completely dominating concern and not even a medical one.)
Every regret I have from that year is from not pushing people harder, everything I'm proud of is from when I did.
Almost exactly 18 months ago, my then 87 year old father, after feeling unwell and having some fluid problems with his lungs was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer. He turned down treatment and died at home a couple days before Christmas last year. I've come away from the experience very unhappy with the medical system. There's a long list, things that in any other industry would be prosecuted. The medical and hospic…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd rather not go into personal detail but I share a similar experience. The thing that really drove it home for me was when I got back home and was telling my own doctor about my experience dealing with family in the medical system and she said I was mistaken or there was a misunderstanding because that kind of thing doesn't happen. I asked why she was siding with a doctor she'd never met before instead of listening…
It's a common theme - doctors just don't listen to their patients at all.
Almost exactly 18 months ago, my then 87 year old father, after feeling unwell and having some fluid problems with his lungs was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer. He turned down treatment and died at home a couple days before Christmas last year. I've come away from the experience very unhappy with the medical system. There's a long list, things that in any other industry would be prosecuted. The medical and hospic…
So many stories like yours. They are one of the reasons living in the United States never appealed to me. With Christmas coming up this must be a very hard time for you, hang in there.
I would take USA in a heartbeat if I can have good insurance
You are getting cutting edge care in USA. For example, My father has prostate cancer and latest NCNN guidelines recommend 'triplet therapy' [1] at diagnosis and is the standard in USA. But in UK they you only get chemo and ADT via NHS.
They also have major delays (years) in getting latest medical innovations, eg: Daraloutamide isn't available via NHS for PC so you are out of luck if you cannot tolerate the only available option there ( enzalutamide). I personally know family in UK who have Cardiovascular events on Enzalutamide but can't access Darolutamide because it isn't available via NHS.
There are also a wider variety of clinical trail options in USA compared to UK when you run out of SOC options. you can check here https://clinicaltrials.gov/ to see which country has the most research going on when you get to that stage.
I urge you to do major research your options because its literally life and death. Seek out experts who can make this decision for you based on available options. Imagine losing years of your life because you made a country decision based on generic internet comments :/ .
1. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fphar.2022.9559...
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“Fine company” will just turn into higher costs for consumers. If raising the price of Coke is the goal, I believe there are already proposals for a sugar tax in various jurisdictions. Let’s tax the hell out of processed foods so they become at least on par with the price of healthy food. It’s very tricky since taxes like that will hurt low income households the most. Another option: ban advertising of heavily proces…
> Let’s tax the hell out of processed foods so they become at least on par with the price of healthy food. Isn't processed food already more expensive than "healthy"? E.g. precut fries vs potatoes. Etc. What is cheaper to buy processed?
But walking into a typical US grocery store feels like a place where cheap, quick, processed foods are the focus with healthy food being secondary (perhaps because they’re optimizing their store layouts in response to consumer demand for sh*t food). Rarely is healthy food promoted on isle endcaps.
I do 100% of my day to day shopping at a (very expensive) health food store for this sole reason. At the health food store, they don’t stock soda, chips, etc (or if they do it’s locally made, organic, etc… “healthy” junk food). You can’t buy things like Oreos or Coke because they simply don’t carry it.
For me, removing unhealthy options when grocery shopping led to 40+ lbs of weight loss - with no other lifestyle changes and no additional exercise over 2 years.
When I make the occasional visit to a normal grocery store, I’m always in awe at how much real estate “bad” food gets. It’s the majority of the store.
All of this is to say, another place to look at are grocery stores themselves and the food they decide to carry and promote in their stores, including the layout of the stores, % real estate given to crap food vs. healthy food, etc.
Almost exactly 18 months ago, my then 87 year old father, after feeling unwell and having some fluid problems with his lungs was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer. He turned down treatment and died at home a couple days before Christmas last year. I've come away from the experience very unhappy with the medical system. There's a long list, things that in any other industry would be prosecuted. The medical and hospic…
I went through this with my then 94-year-old grandfather a couple of years ago. I ultimately came away from the situation realizing that things only got done when you actively threaten people and force them take action. Doctor doesn't want to properly follow up on a stage-iv foot ulcer and home wound care misses scheduled appointments? Ok, we're going to the ER and telling them that the doctor doesn't respond to his…
Almost exactly 18 months ago, my then 87 year old father, after feeling unwell and having some fluid problems with his lungs was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer. He turned down treatment and died at home a couple days before Christmas last year. I've come away from the experience very unhappy with the medical system. There's a long list, things that in any other industry would be prosecuted. The medical and hospic…
I'd rather not go into personal detail but I share a similar experience. The thing that really drove it home for me was when I got back home and was telling my own doctor about my experience dealing with family in the medical system and she said I was mistaken or there was a misunderstanding because that kind of thing doesn't happen. I asked why she was siding with a doctor she'd never met before instead of listening…
A year later I've realized that my father was 80 years old. We all have to die at some point. Your father was 87. I understand you're upset. It may be that there was more for the medical system to do, there may not have been.
At what point does spending possibly millions of dollars to extend some one's life 1 year, 2 years stop becoming good and turns into actual harm?
They have to go at some point. Even if it is someone else's fault.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
So many stories like yours. They are one of the reasons living in the United States never appealed to me. With Christmas coming up this must be a very hard time for you, hang in there.
I've lived in India, UK and USA for atleast 5 years in each. I would take USA in a heartbeat if I can have good insurance You are getting cutting edge care in USA. For example, My father has prostate cancer and latest NCNN guidelines recommend 'triplet therapy' [1] at diagnosis and is the standard in USA. But in UK they you only get chemo and ADT via NHS. They also have major delays (years) in getting latest medical…