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Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

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Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#71

Post by fswd »

fluxinflex wrote: post #7
fswd wrote: post #4

You might be introvert, which means you feel compelled to prepare yourself before a meeting or presentation. Without this, you feel anxiety. Giving impromptu talks is easier with an extrovert personality. With some effort, you could switch. I am also introvert and so far have failed 100% of the white board style interviews, basically big tech interviews are heavily biased against interverts. I try to hint to this by…

> Anyway, TLDR: Become an extrovert. As an introvert, becoming an extrovert always comes across as playing a role, being an actor, my character is introvert and anything else is acting. So for me, an introvert can't become an extrovert, but an introvert can play at being an extrovert.

Yes this is true.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#72

Post by aqme28 »

dhunter_mn wrote: post #67
aqme28 wrote: post #18

Take an improv class. Like 6 times a week you'll have to go up in front of a dozen other students. Just that repetition really helped my stage fright.

Many years ago as a part time undergrad student (I went to a "nontraditional" university) I took an Interpersonal Communications class, which was very good. I told the instructor that I had fear of public speaking and wanted to know if she had any recommendations for overcoming it. She strongly recommended a class called "Acting for Non-Actors". She practically guaranteed it would cure me. Alas, I was never able to f…

You're not dead. There are still tons of acting classes you could take.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#73

Post by ipnon »

ignite wrote: post #70

As someone who did exactly this, and taken others through this, let me assure you the answer is "practice, practice, practice". Several people below recommend toastmasters. Do it. https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club They have been around for a hundred years, because they are good at it. There's nothing wrong with other approaches, but toastmasters is good at making nervous people comfortable. Toastmasters' meeti…

When I was trying out for the state high school orchestra I was so nervous I couldn't speak to the judge. My shirt was soaked with sweat. We never made eye contact, it was easier to try pretending he wasn't there. I had practiced the tune a thousand times. Every scale was completely memorized, every rhythmic variation was a reflex. I had practiced so much practically all I knew anymore was breathing and playing the trumpet. I could have played that tune perfectly if I was in a burning airplane falling out of the sky.

You have to be so good at what you do that it doesn't matter how nervous you are. Focus on the content, and deliver. All the audience wants is a good show. Once you realize you're as good as you're supposed to be, all the anxiety and pressure slowly fades away.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#75

Post by riaandewit »

What worked for me: come up with a bit of patter or a general “surrounding script” that you wrap your answers with. JFK did this sort of thing to buy himself time to think.

You can also use it to build in your disclaimers: you’re just giving your opinion on the spot and might have better answers after thinking about it offline for a bit. Counter to intuition, I found the “hmm, first approximation says THIS to me, but can I take the problem away and get back to you with something better, once I have more data and have run through the options in my head?” Approach tends to build trust over time, and actually helps ramp up your confidence too. It turns the whole process from a step to a gradient.

Don’t worry too much about the body language of confidence. Unless you’re doing something pathological like picking your nose or something, there is a WIDE range of acceptable ways to interact: think Brin, Musk, Newton, Darwin, Hawking.

And… cut yourself some slack - you’ve got this ;)

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#76

Post by quickthrower2 »

“I don’t know, I can try and find out for you”

“I am not sure, maybe Sue (in same meeting) knows more about that area?”

Are valid replies. Armed with various get outs, if you can’t answer or only part answer or only probabilistically answer then you will be OK you can say these with confidence.

And if you know you can answer with confidence.

And sometimes it is wise to say you are not sure even if you are (avoiding a promise that might get broken)

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#78

Post by munbun »

ignite wrote: post #70

As someone who did exactly this, and taken others through this, let me assure you the answer is "practice, practice, practice". Several people below recommend toastmasters. Do it. https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club They have been around for a hundred years, because they are good at it. There's nothing wrong with other approaches, but toastmasters is good at making nervous people comfortable. Toastmasters' meeti…

Best advice here. It also takes less practice than you think for stage fright to go away.
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