No one wants to have kids anymore • Hacker News Board

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#201

Post by DonHopkins » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:14 PM UTC

rapsey wrote: post #120

thr0wawayf00 wrote: post #36

> But deep down I get it. Babies are a huge opportunity cost. Financially speaking, they are like winning the lottery but backwards. You can't even think of having one without cancelling your subscription to a good night's sleep. And if you take into account inflation, economic recession, and the rest of the news cycle's highlight reel, even a one-child family can seem to have one too many mouths to fish Lego pieces…

> Every time I visit family for the holidays, I see this in real-time and it reaffirms my decision to not have children. I have an incredibly comfortable lifestyle saving for retirement, traveling and buying real estate. The moment I become responsible for another human, that all goes away. It is unfortunate that unless you have children you can never know what it is like to have children. You see the external things…

>I as a parent would call it empty and sad.

That's pretty judgemental of you. If your own children decide not to reproduce themselves, will you judge their own lives as empty and sad too, consider your own children hollow failures for not giving you grandchildren, and express your disappointment to them that they have failed to live up to your own expectations as a parent? Or will you love and support them for making their own decisions, like you refuse to extend to other people who decide not to become parents?

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#202

Post by thinkindie » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:14 PM UTC

nkohari wrote: post #94

ehutch79 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real parents consistently make it clear how terrible having kids is. The childless among us hear every complaint and lament about how terrible it is. Why would we do that to ourselves?

It's difficult to express to non-parents how good the good parts are. Speaking from personal experience, I never understood why people would want kids until we decided to have our own. This isn't a judgment or to say parents are in any way superior! Having children is a very personal choice which everyone has to confront, and there's no wrong answer. The feeling of being a parent is just incredibly difficult to put i…

I think you got the point right - it's easy to agree, almost objective, that sleepless nights are not good for you or crying babies or toddler with tantrums or chasing a toddler for the bed routing might not be the most funny thing to do after work is not the funniest activity in most of the cases, while the positive things are very subjective, less universal and more personal. That's why pointing out the "bad" things is easier, while reflecting on the positive side takes considerably longer than a random article on the web.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#203

Post by overthemoon » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:14 PM UTC

lotsofpulp wrote: post #146

notch656a wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this satire? I have a child and the monotonous boredom of dealing with a toddler forces me to suppress the distant memories of freedom to go to raves, fight in foreign militia, get lost in stormy mountains, hitchhike across the plains...

Chasing your toddler for an hour is fun. Chasing your toddler day after day, hour after hour because you have no one else to help you might not be so fun. There is distinct difference in the fun of raising children in a village where there are tons of other kids with low risk of cars so they can play outside freely, and raising children 24/7 because they cannot be left without supervision and there are few other kids…

The bit of advice I got from another parent before I had kids was golden: parents need time off the clock. Sometimes you need to hear your kid screeching about something and know it's someone else's problem. We don't have family around, so we give each other breaks on the weekend, usually one day where my spouse and I give each other half-day breaks. Idk what it's going to be like when he's older, but for now it works.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#204

Post by nemo44x » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:15 PM UTC

antiterra wrote: post #39

nemo44x wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s also survival rates of the babies being born. People don’t realize how many babies died back in the day.

That can still be filed under ‘people living longer,’ no?

Sure. But we tend to speak of infant mortality and old age differently.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#205

Post by the_only_law » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:15 PM UTC

throwaway0asd wrote: post #130

This matter is a very clear choice: 1) Have children early at risk of living life without wealth but at minimum risk of health for all parties. 2) Delay. This risks never having children for various biological reasons for the impractically increased chance of increased wealth. As somebody who had children early, went through poverty, and now lives in a large house with a nice job I can't help but look at single peopl…

> I always want to ask them why they cannot afford a Lamborghini or live in a giant mansion

Do you lack any critical thinking ability whatsoever? Or do you have a need to be in peoples’ business?

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#206

Post by cykros » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:15 PM UTC

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #43

A word of advice to anyone on the fence about having kids: There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids, but do yourself and consult with actual parents for what it’s really like to have kids. Articles like this one, which are written by someone who apparently has chosen not to have children, are almost universally terrible at representing the true experience of being a parent. Yes, being a parent involves a…

Probably also worth consulting with someone in their 50s that hasn't had kids. Having kids when you have an active social life seems like everything grinds to a half. NOT having kids when everyone you used to hang out with does is suddenly busy, on the other hand, is its own can of worms. At different age brackets, "normal social life" tends to look different -- and it varies by class and geography as well.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#207

Post by Steltek » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:15 PM UTC

criddell wrote: post #182

jcpst wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you’re focused on these experiences as the defining characteristics of being a parent, you’ll completely miss the big picture. Right. Because that’s the easy part, when they’re babies. At first I didn’t believe my friend’s dad when he told me it actually gets more difficult when they get older.

Babies are the worst. They take so much from you and you get so little back. Toddlerhood is when things start to get fun. Babies cry for every reason and figuring out what’s wrong (if anything) was stressful. I felt that once my kids were able to communicate, everything got easier and waaaaaay more fun. My kids are in college now and I’m so happy and proud of them but at the same time I realize that my parenting job…

The first baby is exhausting. The second one feels easy. The nervous stress that you'll break something is gone and replaced with "been there, done that". Which is really fortunate because the older one can run and climb now so you'll need that time back.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#208

Post by notch656a » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:15 PM UTC

rendall wrote: post #177

notch656a wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those countries just offload the cost of the child onto other people. The cost is not low.

The cost to a society of not having children is also quite high, so pick your poison.

No disagreement there, although I think perhaps society should stop treating children as crops to be harvested for the commons. A tragedy of the commons has been created as society claims social security tax from grown children to pay to the elderly, so the economic incentive is to be a free-rider and live off other people's children while having none of your own.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#209

Post by dmm » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:16 PM UTC

wildrhythms wrote: post #40

dmm wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even if you believe that the earth is overpopulated and think a shrinking population is good, you still need to consider the sustainability of that population change. Birth rates below replacement means that the proportion of elderly increases every year, forever. This means an every increasing proportion of resources has to be transferred from the working to non-working population. It will become harder and harder f…

I don't forsee climate change being addressed under today's economic system of 'build wealth and support themselves', so I'm not sure what kind of world you envision.

Do you think it would addressed under destroy wealth and neglect themselves? lol What are you even saying?

I was just trying to say that as the proportion of retired people increases they will take more resources and that will mean fewer resources for /anything/ else.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#210

Post by Lastodon » Tue, Dec 06, 2022, 2:16 PM UTC

icare_1er wrote: post #98

Lastodon wrote: post #61

"Are we millennials so busy coming up with pronouns that we can't find a weekend to make copies of ourselves?" Oh sod off with this. The primal prerogative of reproduction is predicated on the primal need for safe and secure territory. The wealthiest oligarchs of the boomer generation have done everything they can to ensure the consequent generations are unable to attain that one entirely reasonable primal need. Wome…

"The primal prerogative of reproduction is predicated on the primal need for safe and secure territory" >> Never heard of that.

To translate it to a more common sentiment: "we'd like to have kids, but don't feel stable enough" or "we would have kids, but can't afford a house"