Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 78 posts

Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#1

Post by yogrish »

I am in a Techno managerial leadership role in my organization. I am facing issue when facing large audience. I am good at giving tech talks to multiple audience. May be initial anxiety will be there while giving tech talks, but once I start, I am really good in making impactful tech talks/presentations. Also general topics, I can talk infornt of my 75 member team.

But when it comes to impromptu talks, giving opinions or asking just questions in big forums involving senior leaders / peers or other team members, I generally fumble. My body language doesn't show confidence, try to mince words etc.

I step back because i feel i am being judged, or I make wrong statement etc.

Any one who has overcome this fear and were able to improve Body language showing confidence amidst many people (esp. when your managers are present). Please let me know if you have any hacks in overcoming this situation. This will take me leaps forward in my career. Thanks for your support, as always.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#2

Post by Shinmon »

You are being asked those questions because you are seen as an expert in the matter or as an "authority" (by expertise) in general.

First, I think it should be okay to answer "I don't know" if you don't know. If you feel like this is okay it should become easier.

If you lose confidence when your managers are around I would start asking myself why this is the case? Are you afraid that they will judge you? Do you have a strained relationship?

Anyway, this is a rather complicated issue which takes time to tackle. If you can afford it, go see a public speaking coach/mental coach/therapist. If you think it's just part something you need to practice, there are "impromptu theater" groups.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#3

Post by polotics »

Preparation preparation preparation. Then dress rehearsal with feedback from trusted people. The improve and prepare again with the improved version. Then when you get on stage, you will know that the fear is good: it means that you are fully emotionally invested in what you're going to say. Fear not feeling fear before you get on any stage: it's a bad sign that you won't come out as sincere.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#4

Post by fswd »

You might be introvert, which means you feel compelled to prepare yourself before a meeting or presentation. Without this, you feel anxiety. Giving impromptu talks is easier with an extrovert personality. With some effort, you could switch. I am also introvert and so far have failed 100% of the white board style interviews, basically big tech interviews are heavily biased against interverts. I try to hint to this by saying I'm not much of a social butterfly. To be honest I perplexed to even think how extroverts find enough time to be productive at coding which requires long uninterrupted time in front of an editor. The whole working from home helped introverts out, but I guess that is going away for some companies.

Anyway, TLDR: Become an extrovert.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#7

Post by fluxinflex »

fswd wrote: post #4

You might be introvert, which means you feel compelled to prepare yourself before a meeting or presentation. Without this, you feel anxiety. Giving impromptu talks is easier with an extrovert personality. With some effort, you could switch. I am also introvert and so far have failed 100% of the white board style interviews, basically big tech interviews are heavily biased against interverts. I try to hint to this by…

> Anyway, TLDR: Become an extrovert.

As an introvert, becoming an extrovert always comes across as playing a role, being an actor, my character is introvert and anything else is acting.

So for me, an introvert can't become an extrovert, but an introvert can play at being an extrovert.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#8

Post by mettamage »

You're not scared of talking to large groups per se (I'd call 75 large). So it seems you're sensitive to perceived status. But they are your team. I dare to guess you think about the outcome and might be afraid it's going to go sideways.

Cognitive behavioral therapy might help. Why CBT? I have a suspicion you have some warped beliefs. Fix them. Get a therapist who specializes in social anxiety cases and do that with him/her.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#9

Post by fluxinflex »

> But when it comes to impromptu talks, giving opinions or asking just questions in big forums involving senior leaders / peers or other team members, I generally fumble. My body language doesn't show confidence, try to mince words etc.

Hang on, didn't you just post your question to a forum of peers? ;)

Perhaps it has something to do with context, HN is just a bunch of tech kiddies (and adults) staying around the water dispenser drinking the cool-aid, while work is full of bosses constantly on the lookout for people to make redundant. At least that is what I imagine.

Preparation is important, mental preparation is even more important. I once did a speakers course and the best part was telling an emotional story (out of ones own life) in front of the other participants. Being close to tears in front of other people harden me to talk about anything in front of anybody.

I was one told the imperfect notion of imagining your listeners to be naked (sorry this was told to me before #metoo - don't do this at home). The intention was to believe that your better than your listeners and therefore king of the stage. Don't believe this. That doesn't work. It makes you arrogant and presumptuous.

I found it better to think of being a speaker as being asked to speak by people who wish to listen and learn something from you. Speaking isn't a competition, it is a community sharing ideas.

Re: Ask HN: How to overcome stage fear / social anxiety

#10

Post by ggeorgovassilis »

> Any one who has overcome this fear

Yes, but you're not going to like the answer: I stopped caring. Not because that is the best solution, but the only one that worked for me with my limited skill set. I focus on the topic and blatantly assume that my contribution outweighs my presentational shortcomings. People keep seeking my input despite that, so the sum must be a net positive or everybody is just crazy.

I read some of your HN contributions, you seem to be a based person. I think I would enjoy working with you and you probably get along well with others in your organisation. I think people hold you in higher regard than you think they do.

Post reply on HN