I think a lot of this also depends on how close you already are to a partner. Ie is this a first or 2nd date? Or have you been together for awhile? Are you romantic partners, or just close friends?
Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
11–20 of 131 posts
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#12One of the often repeated pearls of wisdom from How to Win Friends and Influence People[0] by Dale Carnegie, is people like to talk about themselves and they’ll like you more if you let them do that in a conversation. I’m paraphrasing. This research seems to counter that. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influ...
Another pearl of his is to be "profuse in your praise". Even if it risks sounding empty or pure flattery, because it always leaves a good impression and works.
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#13One of the often repeated pearls of wisdom from How to Win Friends and Influence People[0] by Dale Carnegie, is people like to talk about themselves and they’ll like you more if you let them do that in a conversation. I’m paraphrasing. This research seems to counter that. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influ...
I find the conversations can be awkward if you go too far in that direction. And it can feel like an interview. The best conversations are give and take where both sides talk almost an equal amount of time
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#14[deleted]
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#15One of the often repeated pearls of wisdom from How to Win Friends and Influence People[0] by Dale Carnegie, is people like to talk about themselves and they’ll like you more if you let them do that in a conversation. I’m paraphrasing. This research seems to counter that. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influ...
I believe the conversational meta has shifted in the last 80 years. But more than that, people like to talk about themselves IFF they feel safe and unjudged.
Yeah, I think there is this unspoken assumption that the answer to this question does not depend on the specific cultural milieu, or the specifics of the context in which engagement occurs.
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#16"Some people find some other people more likable when those people speak more in a conversation, but drawing any other conclusions than that would be fantastically stupid on its own merits, and doubly so given the recent crises in this field."
There, I fixed it for you.
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#17One of the often repeated pearls of wisdom from How to Win Friends and Influence People[0] by Dale Carnegie, is people like to talk about themselves and they’ll like you more if you let them do that in a conversation. I’m paraphrasing. This research seems to counter that. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influ...
I think you could probably thread the needle on this, and say that both are correct. For example, if you talked a lot about things the other person had expressed interest in, and supported their own opinions, and made them feel like the conversation was "about" them even if you did most of the talking.
But, it's more likely that that's not the case, and the two are in conflict. Between the sources, I tend to think Carnegie is right, both because it's a strategy that has been working for long time, and because it accords with my own experience of the world, and because ... you know... a single social psychology research paper is sort of hard to credit when it conflicts with common sense.
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#18One of the often repeated pearls of wisdom from How to Win Friends and Influence People[0] by Dale Carnegie, is people like to talk about themselves and they’ll like you more if you let them do that in a conversation. I’m paraphrasing. This research seems to counter that. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influ...
Another pearl of his is to be "profuse in your praise". Even if it risks sounding empty or pure flattery, because it always leaves a good impression and works.
I wonder if this works because true-ringing praise has to be about the particular person, and the production of it demonstrates that you're paying (sole) attention to them, and the attention is what causes them to enjoy the interaction, not necessarily the praise itself. If so, "active listening" might produce the same results.
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#19Would love to see this result reproduced. Also a confounding factor might be what they talked about; would be interesting to see a follow-up that tried to break out by subject matter (someone filling time vs. conveying real knowledge vs. responding to the other person, for example).
Re: Mistaken beliefs about how much to talk in conversations
#20"Some people find some other people more likable when those people speak more in a conversation, but drawing any other conclusions than that would be fantastically stupid on its own merits, and doubly so given the recent crises in this field." There, I fixed it for you.
For a second I thought this was the actual conclusion taken from the study and I felt respect to the authors for speaking the truth.