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The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#341

Post by jancsika »

PaulHoule wrote: post #268
jancsika wrote: post #264

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The ringleader of this group Group? What university was this? Who was the resident assistant? Was that particular incident with the rock written up somewhere? What you've written here isn't run-of-the-mill college bullying anecdata-- it is the beginning of a serious piece of investigative journalism.

The year was 1990. The school was the New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology. The leader of the group was Chris Cater. The resident assistant who was battered was Steve Dyker and this happened in front of South Hall, the dorm I lived in, although I wasn't there when that incident happened. When Chris did this in front of witnesses he was expelled immediately although I did see him come back to sell drugs on ca…

I'm reticent to ask more questions given that you said receiving the newsletter was retraumatizing. But one of the people who witnessed the behavior you described should consider documenting it.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#342

Post by jongjong »

I think some degree of bullying is fine as it helps to prepare children for the real world. Once you've grown up, everyone constantly tries to take advantage of you, cheats you, breaks your morale, lies to you and then gaslights you about everything... The world is run by bullies and you need some serious prep work for that!

That, said, I've heard stories of bullying where someone gets their head held down a toilet. That's crossing over the line into assault and these people should be jailed.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#343

Post by P5fRxh5kUvp2th »

mypalmike wrote: post #333
P5fRxh5kUvp2th wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Have we considered ways to make bullies not want to bully? That seems way more productive to me. At over 40 years of age I've had to deal with people attempting to bully me, most of them are completely shocked when they realize they can't. My point here is that if you think bullying is something that stops at graduation then sure, that sounds like a reasonable position, but the premise itself is wrong. One of my fa…

I'm curious when you've encountered bullying after high school? I'm over 50 and haven't seen it since (and I was a frequent victim back then).

too many to count, but just to name a few

- property manager put a lock on the door 3 days before I had to be out, went in and removed a few of my animals. Took the bitch to court, to this day I'm not sure if she was unaware that there are laws on the books in my state SPECIFICALLY to deal with that exact situation.

- VP got pissed off at me and told my manager to write me up. I refused to sign the document, immediately quit, and she was fired roughly 8 months later. 10 months later that same manager contacted me wanting to hire me (I refused).

I could go on, but I won't. If you've never dealt with a malevolent person who actively wanted to take advantage of you in over 30 years, congratulations. But that sure as shit isn't normal.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#344

Post by wrycoder »

twiddling wrote: post #288
XorNot wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I keep wondering what you think bullying is, at the school level? Because at my level, it was physically violent - and I was not in a school where this was considered "a problem". Everyone knew who the bullies were, and there was a collective culture of silence because the school could not possibly enforce proper physical safety on the grounds or around it. You avoided them and stayed away from them, because they abs…

I knew one kid who stood up to the bully and then was jumped by the whole gang after school. They used steel pipes to break a leg and knock out teeth. Of course there were no "witnesses" as "snitches get stitches" in that old neighborhood.

If the environment is that uncivilized, the usual solution is every kid joins a gang, for mutual protection.

That is a sad comment on the adults in the community failing to provide proper parenting, families, and civil government.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#345

Post by jongjong »

It's ironic how, in the tech sector, the bullied (the nerds) have themselves become the bullies; through censorship, monopolization of opportunities and political manipulations.

I didn't get bullied too bad in school. What I've experienced in the tech industry as an adult has been far worse.

I'm actually grateful for the schoolyard bullies as they helped to prepare me for life as an adult.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#346

Post by dqpb »

corobo wrote: post #52

Heh, decent timing. My last CBT session ended with me realising one of my issues may be a lasting effect of bullying. Essentially I was trying to find out why I procrastinate, beyond "it's just the ADHD lol" Boiled it down and down and down until we hit the core of the issue and realised I don't want to poke my head up and ship code/sites/ideas/etc because I believe I'll be bullied for it. In school doing anything th…

At 34 I think you should feel free to do exceptional things. The reality is, probably no one will care.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#347

Post by akiselev »

jongjong wrote: post #345

It's ironic how, in the tech sector, the bullied (the nerds) have themselves become the bullies; through censorship, monopolization of opportunities and political manipulations. I didn't get bullied too bad in school. What I've experienced in the tech industry as an adult has been far worse. I'm actually grateful for the schoolyard bullies as they helped to prepare me for life as an adult.

It’s ironic how [insert group here] continue to redefine words like “bullying” to play the victim.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#348

Post by jongjong »

akiselev wrote: post #347
jongjong wrote: post #345

It's ironic how, in the tech sector, the bullied (the nerds) have themselves become the bullies; through censorship, monopolization of opportunities and political manipulations. I didn't get bullied too bad in school. What I've experienced in the tech industry as an adult has been far worse. I'm actually grateful for the schoolyard bullies as they helped to prepare me for life as an adult.

It’s ironic how [insert group here] continue to redefine words like “bullying” to play the victim.

The schoolyard bullies didn't prepare me for gaslighting though... They were never ashamed to admit what they did.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#349

Post by themacguffinman »

jimkleiber wrote: post #330

I feel quite shocked reading the other replies to see that so many people seem to believe the only way to resolve violence is to respond with violence. Perhaps I wasn't bullied as physically or severely as people here, but I had a few people that picked on me a lot in high school. One who ended up dating the girl I was in love with and whom I introduced to my friend group. He rubbed it in my face for almost four year…

> but at what point do we then become the bully trying to instill fear in them?

This isn't really as ambiguous as you present it to be, the obvious answer is "when you do it to them unprovoked, that's what distinguishes bullying from self-defense".

There are scores of comments here describing a strategy that worked for them, it's evidently effective. Have you ever tried what you're preaching with real childhood bullies? I'm naturally skeptical that it's effective to ask an immature victim to play therapist with an immature bully, but I might find it more believable if you mentioned literally any reasoning or evidence at all suggesting it could work.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#350

Post by P5fRxh5kUvp2th »

jonwithoutanh wrote: post #306
P5fRxh5kUvp2th wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When people know you will fight back they tend to not mess with you and getting hit is not the worst thing that can happen to you. You'll heal up. Not fighting back sticks with you and hurts forever. 100% I once had a kid walk up to me and tell me he had to show me something out in the recess yard. We get out to a certain spot, he bends down and picks up a screwdriver and throws it at me, slammed into the side of m…

Yeah, if that was everyone's experience being bullied no one would care. My bullies would tackle me, surround me, and kick me while I was down for minutes. Never less then 6 of them at a time. I had 3 concussions from being tackled and having my head smashed against the floor. They would throw sand into my eyes. I remember not being able to see while being beat. I remember having to wear an eye patch for a week from…

this strikes me as learned helplessness.
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