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The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#201

Post by SoftTalker »

jvm___ wrote: post #87
corobo wrote: post #52

Heh, decent timing. My last CBT session ended with me realising one of my issues may be a lasting effect of bullying. Essentially I was trying to find out why I procrastinate, beyond "it's just the ADHD lol" Boiled it down and down and down until we hit the core of the issue and realised I don't want to poke my head up and ship code/sites/ideas/etc because I believe I'll be bullied for it. In school doing anything th…

"If I excel, I will be bullied" or "I need to bring things with me to parties/events because people don't value me for just being me"

What? Bringing beer/wine/snacks to parties is just polite.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#202

Post by AppleBananaPie »

savryn wrote: post #72
corobo wrote: post #52

Heh, decent timing. My last CBT session ended with me realising one of my issues may be a lasting effect of bullying. Essentially I was trying to find out why I procrastinate, beyond "it's just the ADHD lol" Boiled it down and down and down until we hit the core of the issue and realised I don't want to poke my head up and ship code/sites/ideas/etc because I believe I'll be bullied for it. In school doing anything th…

yeah, when I was trying to figure out 'What is the moment before the split second "my fingers just opened a new tab" effect, I realized so much of adhd is really consciously or subconsciously: emotional flinching distraction is just running away from a feeling. I don't actually care about the content of the new tab, i'm not addicted to the internet, blah blah ---------- BTW, The old book Focusing by Eugene Gendlin re…

Thanks for sharing 'distraction is just running away from a feeling.' It puts my experience into words succinctly without giving a root cause to why I might feel that feeling. Separately sometimes I can find a period of my life that seems to explain why I act the way I do but I'm also not confident in my memory to know if it was happening before hand or if I'm just associating two things that are only slightly related.

For example: I tend to be a very self deprecating individual because I like to laugh and hang out with people who say silly things but I also use it as a crutch to avoid accidentally offending people. I went to a very bad college and so was considered very good at academics while there and may have developed this then to fit in. I could also have developed it growing up because it was a way to laugh off mistakes. I could also just like the sense of humor. Heck even this statement I'm replying to that I like so much I'm certain I've heard it and resonated with it before but have just lost focus of it over time.

Anyway thanks again for sharing, it has helped refined my thinking.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#203

Post by pengaru »

kingofheroes wrote: post #62

When I was coming up, especially in middle school, we were always told that you should just ignore bullies and they would go away. This, of course, never actually worked. And anyone who did fight back against their bullies were punished just as severely, if not moreso if they swung first, as the bully. This entire approach was complete BS and only served to enable bullies because they now know that their victims eith…

> You may be punished, but the sense of catharsis more than makes up for that.

The kind of punishment doled out by law-abiding adults to children isn't even a blip on the radar vs. suffering a vicious bully. It isn't even worth mentioning, punishment for violence is a total farce until adulthood. That's basically the whole source of the problem; bullys have realized there are no consequences.

The best response to a bully is an immediate and vigorous aggression resembling that of a honey badger, full stop. I agree it's important to teach children self-defense and get them familiar enough with conflict to not piss themselves when faced with it. It's the children who can get away with fighting back without negative consequence, and substantial upside potential.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#204

Post by SoftTalker »

progrus wrote: post #133

My parents basically said “If you keep getting bullied, assault the bully, try to draw blood, and we’ll take you out for ice cream if you get suspended.” Highly recommended for any parents of boys out there - it is the best way to address this problem.

> we’ll take you out for ice cream if you get suspended.

Is that before or after their arrest, incarceration and juvenile court hearing?

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#205

Post by dsego »

progrus wrote: post #133

My parents basically said “If you keep getting bullied, assault the bully, try to draw blood, and we’ll take you out for ice cream if you get suspended.” Highly recommended for any parents of boys out there - it is the best way to address this problem.

It can also backfire, depending on the kid's psyche. A troubled child could imaginably interpret that as carte blanche and overreact to a perceived threat or retaliate and get into serious trouble.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#206

Post by garbanz0 »

corobo wrote: post #52

Heh, decent timing. My last CBT session ended with me realising one of my issues may be a lasting effect of bullying. Essentially I was trying to find out why I procrastinate, beyond "it's just the ADHD lol" Boiled it down and down and down until we hit the core of the issue and realised I don't want to poke my head up and ship code/sites/ideas/etc because I believe I'll be bullied for it. In school doing anything th…

Can you elaborate on how the deception part is related to the bullying? I don't see the connection

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#207

Post by Cupertino95014 »

AtlasBarfed wrote: post #190
Cupertino95014 wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So now it's groups of bullies, not just one? That wasn't part of the problem statement. Also firearms: that wasn't part of it until you brought it up, either.

So bullies are people that stress the societal boundaries of acceptable behavior. The advocacy of violence in response is a further stepping over of a societal boundary, essentially the same one used by bullies. So the boundaries are crossed, both legal, institutional, and societal. But you want to be pedantic about "problem statements"? That firearms and school shootings are some boundary that is fantastical and doe…

Lots of people on this thread advocate for fighting back. I don't know why you have a problem with it.

"Bullying" on the original article had nothing to do with firearms & school shootings, as you would know if you read it. It has to do with one nasty kid picking on another one. It very rarely makes the news.

If you need to have the last word, go ahead. I'm not replying any further.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#208

Post by PaulHoule »

corobo wrote: post #52

Heh, decent timing. My last CBT session ended with me realising one of my issues may be a lasting effect of bullying. Essentially I was trying to find out why I procrastinate, beyond "it's just the ADHD lol" Boiled it down and down and down until we hit the core of the issue and realised I don't want to poke my head up and ship code/sites/ideas/etc because I believe I'll be bullied for it. In school doing anything th…

I wonder if private schools are a way that rich kids can afford to be different but poor kids can't. See

https://sfstandard.com/business/inside-ftx-founder-sam-bankm...

Would rich kids be facing much more competition for elite spots from poor but smart kids if bullying wasn't part of the curriculum in the public schools? Given that only 10% of kids get to go to a school where dignity is assured, it could be that 90% of the smart kids are being kneecapped and don't reach their full potential. One more thing that makes a mockery of "meritocracy".

I was glad to see though that New Hampshire (where I grew up) finally passed a law making it possible to sue schools for bullying like the other 49 states.

https://newhampshirebulletin.com/2021/05/26/families-deserve...

I wonder also how many Enrons and Challenger Disasters we've had because many of what could have been our best people had it beat into them that self-assertion is not allowed for them.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#209

Post by frodetb »

standardUser wrote: post #200
corobo wrote: post #52

Heh, decent timing. My last CBT session ended with me realising one of my issues may be a lasting effect of bullying. Essentially I was trying to find out why I procrastinate, beyond "it's just the ADHD lol" Boiled it down and down and down until we hit the core of the issue and realised I don't want to poke my head up and ship code/sites/ideas/etc because I believe I'll be bullied for it. In school doing anything th…

I strongly relate. I've noticed a lot of my bad habits or odd approaches to things are actually simple pain avoidance. Bad things happen to us and we unconsciously develop methods of avoiding or lessening those bad things. No different than a beaten dog flinching at a raised hand. For me, a lot of these behaviors have been easy to unlearn, but it took half a lifetime to notice them in the first place. And who knows w…

It' uplifting to hear that these things can be managed and unlearned. I hate knowing that I am my own biggest obstacle in certain respects.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#210

Post by bradlys »

progrus wrote: post #133

My parents basically said “If you keep getting bullied, assault the bully, try to draw blood, and we’ll take you out for ice cream if you get suspended.” Highly recommended for any parents of boys out there - it is the best way to address this problem.

I mean - great advice if you’re as big as the bully. As a kid who was often smaller than kids 2-3 younger than him all the way to his senior year in high school… Can’t say that advice would go over well.
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