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The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#91

Post by macinjosh »

TylerE wrote: post #83
thegrimmest wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems to be very hard to distinguish between bullying and rough play. Rough play is a developmental requirement (particularly for young boys) across the hominoid clade (and likely wider). Being denied it also has real and lifelong consequences. For further reading, Frans de Waal has done a lot of work in this area. Educational policy informed by this research usually looks not to intervene in physical conflict bet…

An interesting approach I read - I think it was a novel, honestly, but may have been an autobiography - was that fights were not just tolerated but sanctioned, with one big proviso: In the gym, with boxing gloves and headgear on, and fists only. Going down or taking a knee ends the fight. Let 'em work out the tension, but with very minimal chance of hurting anything.

I am here for safe and supervised middle school duels. It would have helped me a lot.

I went to a strict religious school and a kid who bullied me over years pushed me too far one day and I started after him, got maybe one kick to his leg in. Teachers stopped me immediately, but never did the same for the years of verbal abuse mocking me for my weight though. I ended up getting spanked by the principal with a thick wooden paddle in front of my teacher that day. This was the mid to late 90s. I heard once the kid who bullied me is in prison now.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#92

Post by licebmi__at__ »

2devnull wrote: post #2

“ studies suggest that public health interventions could aim at preventing children from becoming the target of bullying behaviours from an early age.” Sounds almost like victim blaming. If true, if there’s something about the bullied that causes them to be bullied, perhaps bullying is actually a form of social correction. Not that nature should be our guide, but often harsh social behavior is functional from an evol…

> Sounds almost like victim blaming. If true, if there’s something about the bullied that causes them to be bullied, perhaps bullying is actually a form of social correction.

This is only true if bullying actually corrects something which is a big logical leap to just leave to an appeal to nature.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#93

Post by scohesc »

germinalphrase wrote: post #37
scohesc wrote: post #11

I was bullied both in school and by my own father (who has Asperger's and a mean streak of narcissism) growing up - definitely suffering the long-term and forever consequences in my life because of it. Low self-esteem, no confidence in myself, can't talk to anybody without second guessing everything. I'm trying to pull myself out of the slump but after living on my own for 3 years I still have troubles with relations…

FWIW, someone very close to me experienced a similar childhood and found CBT and Internal Family Systems therapy really helpful.

Thanks for acknowledging and supporting - mental illness is such a hidden "we don't talk about this" thing in society and people don't pay a lot of attention to it because they can't easily directly observe it in others.

Only recently I've been able to actually talk or mention my upbringing - I was always shamed and threatened never to tell anybody about what was going on or else "I'd rip the family apart". It's hard to fully realize the scale of the abuse until you metaphorically swim to the surface and stick your head out of the water to see the world around you with a different lens for the first time.

I've been using a combination of strategies to try and find my way out of the mess I was thrown into - I've been seeing a psychiatrist for CBT sessions every 2-3 weeks for almost 10 years and have found it helpful, along with attempting to make daily entries in a journal (the ADHD gets in the way sometimes heh).

I'll definitely look into IFS therapy as well. I did some cursory reading and it seems like that's something that would help me.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#94

Post by thegrimmest »

anonym29 wrote: post #84
thegrimmest wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems to be very hard to distinguish between bullying and rough play. Rough play is a developmental requirement (particularly for young boys) across the hominoid clade (and likely wider). Being denied it also has real and lifelong consequences. For further reading, Frans de Waal has done a lot of work in this area. Educational policy informed by this research usually looks not to intervene in physical conflict bet…

Rough play is voluntary, being a victim of bullying isn't. I say this as someone who engaged in rough play, got bullied, and was a bully, at different times.

Learning how to respond to antisocial behaviour by a peer, and being able to resolve conflict independently, are two very important skills that it's critical to learn. Being seen as someone who needs adult help to resolve peer conflict is socially disastrous for young people. We do children no favours by intervening in this developmental process.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#95

Post by kneebonian »

blue039 wrote: post #38

I was bullied pretty severely as a kid. So bad in fact I was put on medication just to deal with it. I was a weaker kid when I was younger owing to the fact I was sick a lot. In America there is a concept of "zero tolerance" that keeps the bullied compliant and the bullies in charge. It was not until I started to get very violent that the bullying stopped. I would fight at a moments notice even sometimes in classroom…

I was bullied quite a bit in school, now my boys are starting school and I have them enrolled in BJJ, and the first time my kids comes home upset because someone was picking on him I'll tell him to put that kid in guard and don't let go until the teachers physical remove him.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#96

Post by s1artibartfast »

voski wrote: post #70
blue039 wrote: post #38

I was bullied pretty severely as a kid. So bad in fact I was put on medication just to deal with it. I was a weaker kid when I was younger owing to the fact I was sick a lot. In America there is a concept of "zero tolerance" that keeps the bullied compliant and the bullies in charge. It was not until I started to get very violent that the bullying stopped. I would fight at a moments notice even sometimes in classroom…

I was also bullied a lot. Especially between first and eight grade. I was much bigger than everyone else but I would never fight back. I always felt bad about potentially hurting someone else so I would just take it. The kids couldn’t actually physically damage me since I was so much bigger. They did cause a lot of psychological harm. I had a very negative predisposition towards anyone that I met. I just assumed ever…

I think the key term here is learned helplessness. Children and to a lesser extent adults push boundaries. Establishing strong boundaries is a key part of developing a sense of control over one's life.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#97

Post by kneebonian »

0xfeba wrote: post #56
blue039 wrote: post #38

I was bullied pretty severely as a kid. So bad in fact I was put on medication just to deal with it. I was a weaker kid when I was younger owing to the fact I was sick a lot. In America there is a concept of "zero tolerance" that keeps the bullied compliant and the bullies in charge. It was not until I started to get very violent that the bullying stopped. I would fight at a moments notice even sometimes in classroom…

I think you go a bit far, but I agree somewhat. I was picked on a fair bit in school. The nature of "zero-tolerance" meant that fights were quick. I recall one day just being shoved into a a door threshold unexpectedly. I had had it at that point from this person, so I took my heaviest book out of my bag and slammed him in the head with it as he was already walking away triumphantly. Looking back, he could have been…

> But how can you know someone will leave you alone or just escalate things?

You don't but in the animal kingdom most animals haven't evolved to be able to overcome their predator, they've just evolved to make it difficult enough for their predator to decided to look elsewhere for food. Make sure they know if they pick on you their going to have trouble and they'll go somewhere else.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#98

Post by kneebonian »

dboreham wrote: post #42
blue039 wrote: post #38

I was bullied pretty severely as a kid. So bad in fact I was put on medication just to deal with it. I was a weaker kid when I was younger owing to the fact I was sick a lot. In America there is a concept of "zero tolerance" that keeps the bullied compliant and the bullies in charge. It was not until I started to get very violent that the bullying stopped. I would fight at a moments notice even sometimes in classroom…

> keeps the bullied compliant and the bullies in charge I've seen some of this in our local schools: meetings held with the head teacher to "hear both sides" when one side is a bully asserting their right to bully the other side. > kids in an actual martial art I had this idea, based on my experience as a kid, but never actually got around to enrolling them. They're in college now and so I guess it wasn't necessary.

> They're in college now and so I guess it wasn't necessary.

Just saying man if you are looking for a Christmas present for them get them a membership to train at a BJJ gym, if you have a daughter it will keep her safe, if you have a son it will give him the opportunity to interact and build relationships with people he doesn't know, and may not normally associate with. BJJ is all about technique over physicality and carries a low risk of injury.

For both of them it will give them the confidence that if they end up in a bad situation they know they have the skills to respond calmly. In addition if the gym is any good they'll have them do some rolling so they'll be able to learn to stay calm under pressure, which is a very transferable skill.

Just a suggestion.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#99

Post by dpkirchner »

TylerE wrote: post #83
thegrimmest wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems to be very hard to distinguish between bullying and rough play. Rough play is a developmental requirement (particularly for young boys) across the hominoid clade (and likely wider). Being denied it also has real and lifelong consequences. For further reading, Frans de Waal has done a lot of work in this area. Educational policy informed by this research usually looks not to intervene in physical conflict bet…

An interesting approach I read - I think it was a novel, honestly, but may have been an autobiography - was that fights were not just tolerated but sanctioned, with one big proviso: In the gym, with boxing gloves and headgear on, and fists only. Going down or taking a knee ends the fight. Let 'em work out the tension, but with very minimal chance of hurting anything.

I wonder how many people would be still willing to fight if they were forced to delay for some amount of time (hours?). My hunch is it'd be very few, which would be a win.
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