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Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#21
post #3

I'm pretty much in the same boat, so I don't have any good advice, but you have my sympathy. The only thing that's kept me going for the past year is setting a "final project" to complete before I die. This "big goal" feels a little less pointless than the "small goals", even though I know it's not.

May I ask what your "final project" is? I'm curious what you've identified as important or close to you in this way. I've felt like this before as well, like might as well dedicate my life to a project, but have never been able to keep up the motivation for big goals like this.

Designing and writing a programming language and compiler/interpreter/IDE completely from scratch. The motivation is due to my lack of joy/outright hate of using most languages, and a big dose of wanting to do something that most people haven't. The idea of it has taken hold of me and become an obsession, but I've also been afraid to speak about it until recently for fear of losing hold of the only goal I've ever had in life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#22
This is clearly linked to one of the four existential givens "meaning and meaninglessness.

Carl Jung said, man needs to find meaning to continue his journey around the world, therefore, without this meaning, he is lost in no man’s land and wandering the labyrinth of existence.

I too felt this great cloud hanging over me in my early 30's, I am now nearly 70.

I left school with no formal qualifications, worked in the building trade and constantly asked myself "Is this all there is". For me, I found that while I was stuck in this place of no return, the boredom, the depression and an overwhelming sense of just giving up on life I found my way. It is in this place that you need to trust your organic self to find your way.

I came to realise that everything I had previously done in my life has been programming by society, family and a raft of other institutions. Ultimately none of this I actaully chose to be my life.

So I changed my life to do things that I wanted. I gorged on books and went back to college and university, qualified as a psychotherapists and spent the next 30 years loving life.

Taking responsibility, another existentialist requirement. Namely taking responsibility for your current life situation. As Sartre said, "The individual still retains the agency over their own existence and they are still free to make the choice"

At 30 years old your brain has only been fully developed for about 5 years, Now is the time to reconstruct the life you choose.

books: all Carl Jung, Victor Frankl, Irvin Yalom or any existential philosophers

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#23
Are you really lost if you can point out you're lost?

Read some Ecclesiastes or "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Or maybe "Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass" for some perspective.

At certain times in life the watering hole dries up, when external and/or internal motives have been squeezed to their last drop it sometimes feels like a desert. Those moments present the opportunity to head down a path to become more authentically loving (Christ-like). Following that lighthouse is always the right direction, no matter how lost you may feel.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#24

Jim Carrey said: “People talk about depression all the time. The difference between depression and sadness is sadness is just from happenstance — whatever happened or didn’t happen for you, or grief, or whatever it is. Depression is your body saying f*ck you, I don’t want to be this character anymore, I don’t want to hold up this avatar that you’ve created in the world. It’s too much for me. You should think of the w…

I feel everyone is playing a character, in a way. There's more to unpack here, but perhaps I just haven't found the character that feels right/true.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#25
Volunteer. Go help other people. Something with commitment, not just casual. See how other people are trying to survive. Perhaps you’ll start appreciating how fortunate you are in the process. Take responsibility upon yourself. Stick through it.

Join the military. Join the police. Set a goal to pass and get accepted.

Start doing a sport. Track your progress vigorously. Commit to doing it for at least a year. Rain or sunshine, snow or mud.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#27

It's a little hard to provide good advice when you say that the deep sense of emptiness has always been with you, and that you have no idea what you want to change. I'm sure you've spent a lot of time thinking about how you feel, so I find it interesting that you're unable to identify what potentially could fix the sense of emptiness. Have there been any times in your life when you felt significantly less empty or ev…

>I'm sure you've spent a lot of time thinking about how you feel, so I find it interesting that you're unable to identify what potentially could fix the sense of emptiness. Have there been any times in your life when you felt significantly less empty or even somewhat closer to a sense of meaning?

I do think too much self-awareness can be a problem, and maybe that's what you're getting at. The times when I don't feel as empty are usually when I'm distracted by something in the external world, and momentarily stop ruminating on my own thoughts. I do feel like they are "distractions", but now I am wondering why I consider them distractions (from what?), and if that's one of the fundamental axioms, as you say, that I should reconsider. Thank you for the insight.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#28
> There is an old Eastern fable about a traveler who is taken unawares on the steppes by a ferocious wild animal. In order to escape the beast the traveler hides in an empty well, but at the bottom of the well he sees a dragon with its jaws open, ready to devour him. The poor fellow does not dare to climb out because he is afraid of being eaten by the rapacious beast, neither does he dare drop to the bottom of the well for fear of being eaten by the dragon. So he seizes hold of a branch of a bush that is growing in the crevices of the well and clings on to it. His arms grow weak and he knows that he will soon have to resign himself to the death that awaits him on either side. Yet he still clings on, and while he is holding on to the branch he looks around and sees that two mice, one black and one white, are steadily working their way round the bush he is hanging from, gnawing away at it. Sooner or later they will eat through it and the branch will snap, and he will fall into the jaws of the dragon. The traveler sees this and knows that he will inevitably perish. But while he is still hanging there he sees some drops of honey on the leaves of the bush, stretches out his tongue and licks them. In the same way I am clinging to the tree of life, knowing full well that the dragon of death inevitably awaits me, ready to tear me to pieces, and I cannot understand how I have fallen into this torment. And I try licking the honey that once consoled me, but it no longer gives me pleasure. The white mouse and the black mouse – day and night – are gnawing at the branch from which I am hanging. I can see the dragon clearly and the honey no longer tastes sweet. I can see only one thing; the inescapable dragon and the mice, and I cannot tear my eyes away from them. And this is no fable but the truth, the truth that is irrefutable and intelligible to everyone.

> The delusion of the joys of life that had formerly stifled my fear of the dragon no longer deceived me. No matter how many times I am told: you cannot understand the meaning of life, do not thinking about it but live, I cannot do so because I have already done it for too long. Now I cannot help seeing day and night chasing me and leading me to my death. This is all I can see because it is the only truth. All the rest is a lie.

> Those two drops of honey, which more than all else had diverted my eyes from the cruel truth, my love for my family and for my writing, which I called art – I no longer found sweet.

—Leo Tolstoy, A Confession

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#29

It's 6 AM. My wife's away for work, I didn't digest a pizza, I have dishes to do before the plumber comes at 8, a gift package to collect at some UPS point at 7, some residual burnout due to too many things to do in the last week, month, year, years, and a Monster energy drink yesterday which has completely blown up my metabolism. I'm on Discord looking for humans, you know, a little irrational, non-conformant human…

Hope you got those dishes done, man.
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