Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

Make a routine where you get out of the house and go buy a newspaper. Then read it on a bench somewhere.

Start with these two.

1) Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people book.

2) The Game by Neil Strauss(friend gave me a copy .. this is about pick up artists, something I never did but it was influential in some way)

3) Surely you're joking Mr. Feynmann

All these books have something about being social. I make it a bit to get to know strangers (on planes, uber rides, whatever). I almost think of it as a missed opportunity if I don't have an engaging conversation with people. Many are strangers and I'll never see them again, so if I say something stupid, whatever. I guess that is the idea I got from The Game.

I still suck in group settings socially. I feel incredibly awkward. But 1-1, I am actually impressed with my transformation. I was super introverted until exactly 30. I guess one other thing that changed is if someone invites me to something social, I always came along, and I kept a smile on my face. This was exceptionally easy to do in NYC (getting invites to hang out with people I mean).

I also have to say, friend, you must love and respect yourself, first and foremost. I felt some pain in your words. Look .. we all have done stupid things we may cringe on in reflection. My addiction is tech and online shopping. I try to do my vices in moderation. Don't judge yourself too harshly. We're all imperfect humans. Good luck to you.

Which ones? Some drugs are more social than others. On the other hand, your problems sound pretty deep-seated and you probably won't relax enough to bridge that gap with recreational use. You'd probably be better with a therapeutic approach.

> Setting personal goals is even more hopeless when at the core, I just feel empty. Every time I try to set even small goals for myself (starting personal projects, hobbies, etc.)

I don't think 'deciding' to have a hobby ever works that well. It is perfectly normal to get interested in something, try it out, and then lose interest after the initial thrill has worn off. But drive comes from being obsessed by something even if you're useless at it. Avoid comparing yourself to others, which is a huge problem in this age of social media. Your solitary tendencies are an asset here in that you can take time to get really into something that fascinates you. It's fine to find this late or be lost along the way.

> [...] gravity pulls me back into the void. Any sort of direction or intention feels like trying to build a house of cards on a non-existent foundation.

It sounds very much like you're judging your efforts on the foreseeable outcome, and lacking depth/experience that outcome doesn't seem that great. Don't worry about it. It's perfectly OK to just please yourself, and even if all you ever work on are simple things, those might be the useful examples someone else desperately needs. Don't worry about the outcome, do it because you like it. Being goal-oriented is not the only way to go and tbh I think it's massively overrated.

Some of that is cultural. One approach you should consider is trying out a different culture for a while to see if you like it. Moving to a different country for a while is the closest thing there is to a life reset button. You have to deal with people because you don't know your way around, to the point of perhaps needing language classes. And you have to work differently at it because you'll need to meet people across linguistic and cultural gap, so you'll get a lot of practice telling your backstory and answering the kind of predictable questions about it (from superficial to serious and thought provoking). It's totally OK to be kind of awkward in this situation. In general it's fine to be awkward as long as you're nice. You'll also be able to practice listening and asking other people about their lives, and making it easier for other awkward people to communicate with you.

Having a solid economic situation gives you a huge head start. Figure out the logistics, pack a bag, and head off somewhere - don't overthink it, just follow your whims. If your first whim isn't that rewarding, try somewhere else. Just go be a part-time tourist for a while and immerse yourself in some different environments until you stumble on something you really like.

I feel your pain, bro. At least to the degree possible via writing.

I’ve been there and partially still am.

I haven’t got my sh* together. And haven’t even figured out for sure what i wanna do with my life. Or better say - what else/next I am going to do with it.

And you know what, a substantial (if not most) part of the so called successful people you see on the internet - neither.

I promised myself not to pretend anymore that I have. Not to lie to myself and others when possible.

The good thing is that you have something inside you that craves for a change. It cannot take it no more.

I would focus on this something first.

> no idea what I even want to change

Here you go! There’s a force inside you that wants to change your state of being.

And this has giant meaning for you. Otherwise you wouldn’t bother posting here, right?

So why don’t you start respecting and nourishing this part of you first?

You have nothing to loose, as your other parts didn’t have any luck finding any meaning anyway, did they?

This is what helped me to climb out of the deep black hole i once spiraled down into.

Not to the happy life, but at least to the level when I was motivated enough not to miss an amazing wife god sent my way and start a family.

This has not solved the “void” issue for me. No happy end here, sorry.

But this and having a baby pushed me out of my comfort zone in a good, even though very mentally and physically challenging, way.

Next big step up from the void for me was working with psychotherapist. Although I’ve spent quite an effort finding the “right one”.

This hasn’t made me happy either, sorry :)

But it helped me to start learning to listen to my deep inner voice. The same one that originally screamed for help to get him out of the emotional, social and mental void I’ve put him into.

It helped me to start really caring about me, instead of boosting my ego or supporting my public mask.

It helped me to start recovering that intimate connection with myself most people suggesting to solve such issues by healthy diet or Stoicism teaching take for granted.

I keep learning. And my wifi signal from this inner self is still weak, connection keeps interrupting :)

But at least I am at the point where those surface level meditation/hobby/gym/books/sleeping advice start making some sense to me. And start having some positive effect.