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Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

nytimes.com

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Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#41

Post by Dendilion »

Eleison23 wrote: post #28

Many of us are victims of feminism to some degree. I managed to make lasting friends in high school with some gay boys. But after high school, I preferred to hang around straight people, and a straight guy won't get too close--because it might be gay? I was subjected to decades of gender-based emotional abuse and so my relationships with women are also poor. This is a direct result of feminists and feminism. I develo…

What?!

So because you preferes to hit on someone else you didn't co sider asking your other friend to ask if you should go with them to a train station?

That's not an issue of feminism this is just you being weird.

You had gay friends and again you mention feminism?

Wtf do you have a ethical problem with friendship?

Are you perhaps actually gay and that's you issue?!?

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#42

Post by Dendilion »

hobbitstan wrote: post #2

Men don’t need friends. Men need family. You have some casual friends at work then spend your quality time with family and maybe some childhood friends you kept in touch with. This is the natural way of things.

I enjoy the company of my male friends.

It's not natural what we do in our modern society at all btw.

Tribes were very normal and tribes never just focused on family.

Animal kingdom also shows plenty of group and tribe behavior

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#43

Post by strikelaserclaw »

eatbitseveryday wrote: post #3

I wish I had some. I heard once, the best or only places to make friends as an adult are where encounters are repeated and casual, so like university and church. But I don’t attend either.

or work place, i made many friends in adult life from work.

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#44

Post by strikelaserclaw »

hobbitstan wrote: post #2

Men don’t need friends. Men need family. You have some casual friends at work then spend your quality time with family and maybe some childhood friends you kept in touch with. This is the natural way of things.

men need friends, women need friends, everyone needs friends.

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#45

Post by Khaine »

Because any media that shows two males as friends, has legions of people claiming them as gay, i.e. Sam and Frodo, Sherlock and Watson. So in the popular conscience two close guys must be gay. You cannot have a relationship in popular culture between two males, without a vocal minority claiming them as gay. Men subconsciously react to that. To signal they are straight avoid looking like they have close relationships with other men.

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#46

Post by heresie-dabord »

atoav wrote: post #20
eatbitseveryday wrote: post #3

I wish I had some. I heard once, the best or only places to make friends as an adult are where encounters are repeated and casual, so like university and church. But I don’t attend either.

Art exhibitions and gallery openings, the gym, a sports tournament, every kind of society, concerts, bands, club or voluntary activity, ... If you don't put yourself into the places where you get to know new people and don't spend some fraction of your time there you might not find friends. Getting to know people is not luck, it happens when you want to do it. Getting to know people is the first step of finding frien…

> put yourself into the places where you get to know new people

The recommendations in the TFA directly imply that in these places where one goes seeking contact, one must also be in a sociable, queryable mode (my periphrase).

That way, any potential for agreeable discussion, laughter, or assistance has the best chance of arising.

Good conversation requires more than most people give. Modern society optimises for work and monetary transactions, and modern communities optimise for becoming very comfortable cells of isolation in which quality of interaction depends almost entirely on the fragility of family ties that also suffer these optimisations.

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#47

Post by favflam »

I moved to a city. One reason was that the car-dominated suburbs makes it reaaaally hard to make friends. Time from getting out of bed to meeting someone is like 30-45minutes, and I have to spend money. In the city,it is more like 15 minutes, meaning you can do it twice as often, hang out longer.

I would say this is a big factor.

The country side works so long as your friends are close by for beer, movies, and games? maybe?

Re: Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

#50

Post by P5fRxh5kUvp2th »

Khaine wrote: post #45

Because any media that shows two males as friends, has legions of people claiming them as gay, i.e. Sam and Frodo, Sherlock and Watson. So in the popular conscience two close guys must be gay. You cannot have a relationship in popular culture between two males, without a vocal minority claiming them as gay. Men subconsciously react to that. To signal they are straight avoid looking like they have close relationships…

As a male, that's never factored into having male friends, are you sure you're not projecting your own insecurities onto others?
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