The phrase for this is "hero to zero".
Ask HN: Is it just me?
11–20 of 109 posts
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#12I think it's definitely possible to end up in your situation through no fault of your own. But if it were me, I'd definitely look into seeing if there was a way I could have fewer conflicts and avoid that situation.
That said...
The most reliable way to get raises in our industry is to move jobs every 3-5 years. And since you're doing that anyhow, I'm not sure there's anything to fix here. You get to be yourself, and you get the raises.
Also, you're self-aware enough to ask if it's you or not, without an obvious bias towards it not being you. That makes me think you're doing pretty good.
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#13Typically when lines of communication break down, it's because trust has eroded.
Based on your example, is it possible that it takes 3-5 years for the business to understand the limit of your capability? You get early wins but eventually every convo becomes a debate. It kills energy, and neither of you wants to be around each other anymore.
They can't fire you without lots of effort because you're probably fulfilling your duties, but it's no longer "fun" to work with each other.
Can this be mitigated? Certainly. More open minds on either side. When was the last time you lost an argument, accepted the decision, and moved on?
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#14> Typically, I work for an employer for around 3 to 5 years. […] Then around the halfway mark or later, things sour for a variety of different reasons. Typically, I will fall out with someone senior, like my line manager. It's normally over something mundane but definitely technical.
This is a red herring. The fact you’ve carried it out this far to the 3-5 mark is extraordinary. Most people move every two years just to overcome this effect.
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#15This is my experience. I've come around to thinking it's a "trough of disillusionment" thing combined with the nature of hierarchical organizations.
Try reading "Developer Hegemony" by Erik Dietrich. I'm not sure about his remedies yet, but he presents a good model for idealistic types to understand corporate pathology.
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#16I've been working more than 11 years at my current small company. There are often times where things do not work the way I want. Bad communication, new strategies I don't like, different opinions on how do something, bad or sloppy code I need to cleanup, crappy processes, etc... etc...
But still, after all those years, I don't feel bad about it. That's life and life is a mess sometimes. There are things you can change and there are things you can't. And most often a change takes quite a lot of effort or leads to nothing.
You need to distance yourself from this mess. This is easier if you first and foremost take care of yourself. Lead a good life, take care of your family, do sports, do something else than think about your job all the time.
And on the job, just try your best and even if things fail, learn from them and carry on. Hope this helps a bit. Stay strong and all the best to you!
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#17I am currently reading non violent communication after seeing a suggestion for it on here.
I think communication is an underrated skill set. Mostly because it's so easy to feel like you are good at it when you are really not.
I think a lot of us are in the Dunning Kruger phase of communicating.. I know I was up untill a few years ago and I've been in my job (as a 3d artist) for nearly 10 years.
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#18No relationship ends successfully, nothing wrong with spending 3-5 years at an org, learning what you can, then moving on. Knowing this, maybe it’s worth resetting your goals at the next role to take i to account how this cycle tends to go. Set “end” criteria for when you should move on and reevaluate those goals regularly.
> No relationship ends successfully
I guess once again it depends on how you define success. I am still friends with some ex bosses and even ex partners. It does require a level of maturity for both parties to accept that just because circumstance threw you together it's quite possible to reach the point where it's best for everybody to part ways.
An enemy is the worst thing to have. If you can put aside the ego-driven temptation to burn bridges you'll end up with more tranquility, less regret and maybe even a better network of contacts.
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#19Sounds like you may need to improve your social skills. Good employer should understand than nobody is amazing at everything, but such is the world today that marketing wins everywhere (on personal level too). Or you think you are better than you are, not possible to tell from the post (but I'd say unlikely given some introspection that went into making it).
Or maybe his social skills are just fine and it's the corporations he's worked for that are pathological.
Re: Ask HN: Is it just me?
#20Conflict occurs but are they always hills worth dying on? That's what you need to evaluate when it arises. If you can't live with a decision then OK but don't rail against it once made. That's not your place and won't be accepted behavior. Jumping to new positions requires you to prove yourself again. Eventually that gets old and you lose interest. Being a cog in the machine is OK as you get older IMO.