Ask HN: What is the thing you've did as a manager that you regret the most?

It is similar to https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33675112 but about being a team leader, operations manager, or project manager.

Currently, I am moving from being an individual contributor to a management position. And I constantly have this thought in the back of my mind that at some point I'll do something dumb and let down people that I am responsible for. It's illogical because through the last couple of years I have substituded the manager for weeks without any issues. But I understand that this is a normal reaction for anyone who is facing something new

So I thought that the HN community with all its experience has something to share on such topic

Thanks in advance

yeah, that's a difficult one, then you are only substituting you don't have to deal with tasks like that

A few years ago, as fresh IC/Manager hybrid with a couple juniors, I found myself with a junior who wasn't growing well relative to other hires (same team, different team, hires from colleges mostly, some bootcamps too). The two of us didn't talk about performance or contributing or engagement enough. I raised some alarms with my management peers and my manager, but I think it was too late. We transferred them to another team, hoping another team (less independent, more team based), environment, industrial vertical, new manager would foster some growth. A few months later the company let them go.

About a year later, they asked me for a recommendation and I said sure, I will do my best. A recruiter called me, I tried responding via voicemail but no follow up ever came around.

I really struggled to identify weak performance back then. I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. I also kept the topic at bay for too long. My regrets include my slow response, but my regrets extend to the unknown, if I helped ruin this kids career.

You really do need to ask how they're doing, how they think they're doing, and if you have any concerns, air them early so there's time to change.

Have you looked them up to see how they’re doing, career-wise, now?

Never managed, but I strongly recommend reading Extreme ownership. It's a very good book.

As someone who's been through a few managers. Please please give feedback, and not that yearly review stuff. Managers have a very hard time doing that, especially when it's needed. If you don't give people feedback, then they can't push back on the feedback (tell you things you don't know or don't know you don't know) or address it. The end result is a loop where they are stressed which harms their ability to work, and then you treat them with increasingly lower levels of respect, which stresses them out more, which makes them less able to function until you get into a situation where you soft fire them (move them to an unimportant team or project) or PIP them.

Also for the love of god, don't talk shit about any employees on any team. It will immediately be assumed that behavior is pervasive which will make a person question who is shit talking about them or if management respects them at all.