It depends on what your relationship with them, and their position in job hunting.
If it is your co-worker, they got laid off and you didn't. It is awkward. I would just say the normal thing that you would say to people who left their job like moments you cherished with them and things you learned from them, and that you are sorry to see what happened to them. if you think they don't have a problem finding another job, I won't even say the last bit of being sorry, just say it sucks what happened.
I really hate fake sympathy.
What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
71–80 of 167 posts
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#72If it's from Elon's Twitter you can say congrats!
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#73Why is being laid off being compared to the grief related to the death of a parent? Why would there be any grief from a layoff? It’s just a job. Anyone in mourning because they have to job hunt probably has some bigger issues that aren’t going to be helped in any way by what friends do or do not say.
I think this is a fair question. Let me share: As somebody who's been laid off and fired before, I think the hardest part is not always the money (though it can be), but loss of control. People say the same thing about having their house broken into, they don't care about material loss, it's the sense of violation and not being safe in their homes that may persist for years that far outweighs money. So the hard part…
>If you're taken by surprise (which can happen a lot actually, since a lot of people in tech are incredibly awful at giving negative feedback directly and clearly) then you may for years get uncomfortable about any Friday meeting on your calendar from a manager.
And, to be honest, some people can be pretty oblivious. I've known people whose work always went through multiple rounds of rework to the point where they were a complete time suck and even had projects just given to someone else to finish. And they were still in complete shock when they were eventually let go.
In addition, even in companies that don't routinely lay people off, there can still be organizational changes and sometimes someone can just be left without a metaphorical desk--especially if the company isn't doing a lot of hiring.
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#74> “Hey, I heard about the news. I don’t have the right words and please don’t feel obligated to reply. Just know that if I can do something, big or small, now or in the future, I’m just a text away.” i like this
I don't like it personally. I feel it is exaggerated, especially the part "I don't have the right words" I would feel awkward if I were on the receiving end — I lost my job, not someone died. Maybe it is just me, I get awkward easily, for context.
It highly depends on the context. Are they 20-something single person working on a high-pay job, or someone older with a family to support and struggling? The response needs to be different.
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#75It depends on what your relationship with them, and their position in job hunting. If it is your co-worker, they got laid off and you didn't. It is awkward. I would just say the normal thing that you would say to people who left their job like moments you cherished with them and things you learned from them, and that you are sorry to see what happened to them. if you think they don't have a problem finding another jo…
Being retained when a co-worker is laid off is a weird experience. It happened to me once, and the co-worker was also a friend. I thought his layoff was poorly handled and it appeared (at least to me) that it was based on bias and not business need or a performance problem.
I started looking for other work the same day.
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#76Earlier quoted context omitted.
After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…
> we are paying a lawn service to mow for you. That would rub me the wrong way if I hadn't asked for it. I am just the sort of person who does not want pity or charity. If I want help, I'll ask for it or do the hiring, thanks. In particular, mowing the lawn is one of my "escapes" where I can kind of zone out doing something that is routine and mindless for a little while. It's almost like meditation. Shoveling snow o…
You might have no idea what you are talking about, if you have never experienced any mind-altering situation like a family tragedy before.
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#77Earlier quoted context omitted.
After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…
> we are paying a lawn service to mow for you. That would rub me the wrong way if I hadn't asked for it. I am just the sort of person who does not want pity or charity. If I want help, I'll ask for it or do the hiring, thanks. In particular, mowing the lawn is one of my "escapes" where I can kind of zone out doing something that is routine and mindless for a little while. It's almost like meditation. Shoveling snow o…
Many people, if you ask them if they want a gift, will say no just to be polite. In this scenario, if somebody said "I'd like to take care of the lawn for you if that would be helpful," I would deny the request because I wouldn't want to impose on them.
Just going ahead and doing it for me would be amazing. The number one gift anybody could give me in a tough situation is to not force me to make one more decision.
Which is to say, I guess it comes down to knowing the person.
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#78I'll mention one more thing which helps: Concrete offers of help. Depending on the circumstances, those can be practical (e.g. cooking and bringing food, covering part of funeral expenses/logistics) or supportive (e.g. making yourself available to talk through things or just be there for someone). A vague offer of help, many people will never make use of. "If there's anything I can do..." often doesn't quite signal "…
A co-worker who was laid off recently reached out to see if I had any room on my team. It broke my heart to say that we're not hiring for the foreseeable future either. I liked him a lot and thought he did good work, and otherwise I'd certainly have considered him. I told him as much.
We made plans instead to meet up for coffee and catch up next week. I wish I had something more concrete to help him out. This feels only slightly better than the empty platitudes mentioned in the article.
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#79[deleted]
Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off
#80"The Five Stages of Grief" from the Kubler-Ross Model seems to apply. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance The detail most get confused with is these stages occur in no particular order. Personally, I would likely jump from 2 to 3, then found a competing nonprofit firm with 9k people in the same situation, The real danger with talent layoffs is people wrongly assume every employee is replaceab…
The problem with theses is that this list was compiled from aggregated observations but individuals can go through any number or all in all different orders. Instead, it’s used as a prescriptive tool to help track where someone is in the grieving process, which is misguided.