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Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

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Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#121

Post by ljiljana »

barrucadu wrote: post #117

My "purpose", though it feels rather grand to call it that, is simply to have a good time. Do I derive some sort of great spiritual meaning from working on side-projects, reading lots of books, playing tabletop RPGs, and planning to get a dog some day? No. But those things bring me satisfaction and happiness, and that's all that is necessary. Purpose, meaning, and cosmic significance is overrated. This life is all we…

Exactly. And when someone talks about this "purpose" I get a feeling they're trying to scam me. All I have are these little things in life that make me smile and feel good, today it was catching this funny little bug in my code, tomorrow it might be going for a run, on Saturday it may be a message from my mom, and that's all there is :)

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#122

Post by dinkleberg »

This is a topic I think about quite regularly, so I think it is safe to say I don't have it all figured out.

But the one belief I've come to is that we do ourselves a disservice when we fall pray to the idea that the universe has some purpose for us. In reality, we are just animals like the all the rest, just more intelligent. We don't believe that there is some grand purpose behind the squirrels you see in your yard, and it is hard to imagine they put much thought into it either.

Instead, if we look at our lives as just one thread of existence among all the others, it takes a lot of the pressure off of us having to live some preordained path. Instead, we can choose our own path and follow wherever our interests and experiences bring us.

Of course, being biological creatures, there is always our internal "purpose" of continuing the human race. Whether that is through having kids, ensuring our environment isn't going to be uninhabitable in a few generations, or the propagation of our species beyond our planet, there are things we can all do towards this end (with wildly differing degrees of challenge admittedly). But these are the purposes we all share to some degree.

But beyond that, your life is yours to live as you wish. Find the things that you are drawn to and where spending hours on it feels effortless and you'll be on your way to a good life.

I think the big temptation that many of us face, in big part due to our environments, is the belief that we need to become wealthy to live a good and purposeful life. In some cases the purpose you decide upon will naturally, and conveniently, lead towards the acquisition of wealth. But for most it will not. And pursuing wealth when you could be pursuing the things you actually want to spend your time (your most valuable resource) on is often a mistake.

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#123

Post by barrucadu »

Nathanba wrote: post #120

No offense, but how many years have you lived in this world? Have you seen it? Have you never cared yet? If not, what is your problem? How about you actually go and when you read a piece of news or see a problem out in this world, you CARE. For one second in your life, you actually dont just look at yourself and do everything for your own higher happiness and well being and you actually try to help somebody else or f…

Is it offensive to want to be happy / happier without first solving someone else's problems? What's the appropriate amount of happiness to feel before it should turn to guilt?

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#124

Post by n8cpdx »

Nathanba wrote: post #120

No offense, but how many years have you lived in this world? Have you seen it? Have you never cared yet? If not, what is your problem? How about you actually go and when you read a piece of news or see a problem out in this world, you CARE. For one second in your life, you actually dont just look at yourself and do everything for your own higher happiness and well being and you actually try to help somebody else or f…

This is a really bad take. Adopting a random pet cause from the news, on an issue that is completely outside one’s sphere of influence, is a recipe for becoming angry and bitter, or idiotically throwing soup on paintings.

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#125

Post by irrational »

game_the0ry wrote: post #78

In plain english, "Ikigai" is the intersection of: - what you enjoy doing - what you are good at doing - what you can get paid for doing Imagine a a circle for each of those categiries as a Venn diagram - the middle of the 3 would be "Ikigai." Try making a list of all three, then see if there is overlap.

There are many things I enjoy doing. And I have been well paid for doing one of those things for decades. The fact that I have been employed at it for decades might indicate that I am good at it. So, maybe the trick is to enjoy doing many things so that maybe someone will pay you to do one of those things.

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#126

Post by fbrncci »

From experience. Keep trying a lot of things, and keep introspecting and reflecting on things which have gone well, where interesting and felt less like work or effort; but where rather fun and enjoyable. Over time, you'll get a taste of what is purposeful, and then you keep going that way, while continuing to introspect and reflect.

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#127

Post by mistermann »

lostlogin wrote: post #107
jstarfish wrote: post #53

I take issue with traditional advice on the subject-- it's all self-centered. Finding MY purpose. MY life meaning. MY values. The path to getting there involves MY consumption of , acquisition of wealth, influence, or other forms of self-indulgence. Everything is about MY happiness. Consider that perhaps you don't find your "calling." Instead, it finds you. The only "trick" here is that you have to be reachable by pu…

> Volunteer work is a good start, missionary work is even better. I couldn’t disagree more with regard to missionary work. Having someone tell me why their sky friend needs to be in my life is outright offensive. I get a fair few US 20-25 year olds trying this crap out at my home in Auckland, New Zealand.

On the other hand, beneficiaries of missionary work may be more interested in the actual tangible benefits they receive from missionary initiatives than they are in your imaginations about reality (which is what they are).

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#128

Post by n8cpdx »

Maybe start with a values sorting activity and go from there. No one else can identify your purpose but you. And in truth, purpose is often chosen. Don’t be afraid to try a few on, and keep trying until you find something that works for you, helps you be your best self, and is consistent with your values.

There are fun, well-designs versions on Amazon, but you can always just print or write your own cards for the activity. https://casaa.unm.edu/inst/Personal%20Values%20Card%20Sort.p...

Most of the values sound good on paper, so it is helpful to set a limit to force you to prioritize.

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#129

Post by clavalle »

Purpose is made, not found.

The meaning of life is to create meaning.

Now let's get to the real question; How do you live with mindful intention? How do you create the meaning you want?

This is the hard part:

First, you have to know where you are starting from. You have to be honest with yourself. What do you value? Not 'what do you feel like you /should/ value?'. What do you /really/ value? This takes dispassionate introspection. Recall your physically manifested behavior over time. How would someone observing you describe how you spend your time? What conclusions would they come to about what you value based on your behavior? It's important not to have selective memory here. Your mind will rebel. You'll probably tell yourself nice stories about your motivations or circumstances that explain away behavior that isn't, at first blush, ideal. Just be honest. Assume that the person you have been was perfectly rational and has completely fulfilled what they truly value with their behavior. What are those values?

Now, the point of that introspection isn't to beat yourself up. Watch a ton of TV? Perhaps you value a well-told story or time to relax. Spend yourself into debt? Perhaps you value living in the moment and the experiences that spending brings. It's ok, and you probably should, put the best possible spin on the values that motivate the observed behaviors. This is your baseline. These are your current values that you actually hold. This is your current purpose and meaning. Don't like them? Change them. Like the values but not how they currently manifest in your behavior? Change the behaviors, but don't ignore the values and motivations that lead to those behaviors.

It doesn't get easier from here. While going through that exercise you may have had some negative emotions. Guilt. Denial. Shame. Confusion. Envy of an imagined self living a better life. You may have imagined 'better' ways you could have behaved. Now you have to decide, knowing what you now know about yourself and where you currently stand, which of those emotions are intrinsic and which are externally imposed. You want to keep as much of the intrinsic motivators and dump as much of the external motivators as possible. They are not always easy to tell apart. Decide what behaviors would satisfy your intrinsic motivators and work those behaviors into your life. Revisit this process often. External motivators may masquerade as intrinsic. You can tell them apart by whether these new behaviors are fulfilling over time or continue to be a painful struggle.

You'll learn to recognize Yourself over time and you won't need to look backward and pick yourself apart too much to figure out your Intent. Finding something motivating, formulating intent, and acting to realize that motivation will become just how you live. You'll be creating meaning and purpose from moment to moment.

Re: Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

#130

Post by Nathanba »

n8cpdx wrote: post #124
Nathanba wrote: post #120

No offense, but how many years have you lived in this world? Have you seen it? Have you never cared yet? If not, what is your problem? How about you actually go and when you read a piece of news or see a problem out in this world, you CARE. For one second in your life, you actually dont just look at yourself and do everything for your own higher happiness and well being and you actually try to help somebody else or f…

This is a really bad take. Adopting a random pet cause from the news, on an issue that is completely outside one’s sphere of influence, is a recipe for becoming angry and bitter, or idiotically throwing soup on paintings.

Well I agree with you on one thing, I certainly asked myself whether it even makes sense to even attempt to reason with someone who has lived his entire life with no purpose and no God and apparently no morality that would compell him to care about something other than himself. That's a dangerous individual to me, to me, it's crazy. It's like attempting to tell a politician to please stop only stealing for yourself and actually do something useful and fix something. It's expecting a total change in character and morality from someone. Then add to that the danger that they pick an absolutely terrible, misguided shallow purpose prepared by politicans and their propaganda. My advice is to look into the bible and attempt to find God. Only that can revert your character in a way necessary that would help avoid the problems.
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