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Just don’t

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401–410 of 464 posts

Re: Just don’t

#401
More and more over the years I have come to distrust rules like this. I see it as a bandaid solution. Communicating what is easy and what is difficult is valuable, and not saying just is throwing in the towel. "I can't communicate at well so I'll just be silent". The harder but better strategy is to strive to improve your knowledge. There is also another thing to take away, a sort of principle of caution. When you don't know how hard something is for someone, because it's the first few times you can a certain skill of theirs in action, you should be cautious about assumptions. For instance don't make something out to be easy, and give them a little extra margin. But as you know them better you will have a good estimate of their skill and this will no longer be needed.

Another thing with not saying just, is that it's a strategy for avoiding conflict. Avoiding conflict is a good default, but adopting what amounts to a never engaging in conflict is detrimental. Sometimes conflict is needed. Sometimes you need to subtly or not so subtly tell someone they suck. Sometimes being polite is the kinder move, and sometimes brutal honesty is the kinder move. If someone doesn't know there is a problem then how can you expect them to fix it? If a task should be easy but isn't that's a signal that you have to skill up.

Re: Just don’t

#402
post #6

Related: if someone has a chronic condition, don't drop on them unsolicited medical advice, especially things like "have you tried yoga?", "you just need more sunshine", "you must try my cousin's healing tea!". You're not their doctor, and they haven't shared all the medical details with you. Your 3-second diagnosis is almost certainly terrible. They've heard it a dozen times already, and it's difficult and tiring to…

As someone who has suffered from migraines for 30 years, I can tell you that everyone just LOVES to tell you ALL the things you're doing wrong to cause them. As though I haven't been to every specialist I can find, and have tried -- literally -- every treatment known to man (except botox, yet).

Have you tried avoiding sugar? :)

Re: Just don’t

#403

Alternatively, if you’re not fit for work, then don’t be at work? I mean, at what point is it over the line to be useless at a job you’ve agreed to do, and that you demonstrated competence for and interviewed for? Many times I’ve said things like “just restart the cronjob for this” or “just tag this issue to so-and-so if you can’t get it, they wrote the original” etc. I’m all for taking care of yourself, but if you c…

There are situations where it comes off condescending, and minimises the listener.

But I will say that I sometimes appreciate hearing it when I'm overcomplicating things. It reminds me to keep it simple.

Re: Just don’t

#404

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everyone here is looking for ways to make unsolicited suggestions in a diplomatic way. Even with extra language this can be irritating to reply to. I’ve learned to first ask if there is anything I can do to help, rather than immediately making suggestions. Often times people are doing just fine working through a problem, and may want to communicate the status without receiving advice on how to solve it. For interpers…

If you’ve been asked to help troubleshoot or fix a broken system then it’s not really unsolicited. Often if I’m the person who is stuck I’m totally willing to let a new set of eyes offer all of the “obvious” things that have already tried, because while it’s usually just a rehash, there are occasionally “but what about” cases that haven’t been checked yet. And if we don’t find anything new, at least the helper is now…

Certainly if you have been asked for help then offering advice is fine. But often people will jump straight to offering advice without even establishing that the person wants help, and I wanted to call attention to that behavior.

Re: Just don’t

#405
A good system is solving easy problems quickly so that time can be freed up for rare tricky ones. 9 out of 10 people should just use Glide to manage images in an Android app. The remaining one has a good reason to do something else and has the best chance to be helped by an expert who is not being bugged by 9 others. Heuristics is not bad, it's just not 100%.

Re: Just don’t

#406

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I go with "my first impulse is to suggest..." which IMO adds the diplomatic nuance of admitting an incomplete understanding of the problem and/or the person experiencing the problem. You either get a "good suggestion, I'll try that" as a response or you get "you might think it's a good idea but I already considered it and XYZ problems occurred" and you can work from there.

Everyone here is looking for ways to make unsolicited suggestions in a diplomatic way. Even with extra language this can be irritating to reply to. I’ve learned to first ask if there is anything I can do to help, rather than immediately making suggestions. Often times people are doing just fine working through a problem, and may want to communicate the status without receiving advice on how to solve it. For interpers…

Are we talking about work or marriage? If someone wants to interrupt another person's work, they should be gracious enough to first try obvious suggestions and explain why that didn't solve the problem. Just listening is great in personal relationships when the focus is on the journey rather than the destination.

Re: Just don’t

#407
In German, "Just do XYZ" would be "Mach doch einfach XYZ" where einfach is the translation of just (and doch is emphasis).

Einfach can also be translated to easy, so the assumption that saying something like this means not taking the other person's problem seriously rings even more true here.

Re: Just don’t

#408

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everyone here is looking for ways to make unsolicited suggestions in a diplomatic way. Even with extra language this can be irritating to reply to. I’ve learned to first ask if there is anything I can do to help, rather than immediately making suggestions. Often times people are doing just fine working through a problem, and may want to communicate the status without receiving advice on how to solve it. For interpers…

Are we talking about work or marriage? If someone wants to interrupt another person's work, they should be gracious enough to first try obvious suggestions and explain why that didn't solve the problem. Just listening is great in personal relationships when the focus is on the journey rather than the destination.

As I said I believe this applies equally to professional settings and interpersonal relationships. I don’t see why interrupting someone’s work and offering unsolicited suggestions should be considered gracious. It sounds irritating to me. Listening is very valuable in professional situations!

Re: Just don’t

#409

I get a lot more mileage out of "have you tried..." than "why don't you just...". As a recent example, I wrote a system that auto-generates PDF packing slips from an order form, to send to a warehouse for picking and packing. Yesterday a client told me to "just make it landscape" while I was explaining why "just making it landscape" won't solve the problem of giving the warehouse whitespace to pencil stuff in, becaus…

A surprisingly successful shortcut for dealing with people who won't listen is to throw out the old "Best practices" canard. "Oh, you'd like to do x? Well that's not' best practices' these days." People will accept any ridiculous thing you say if you pretend it's "best practices."

Some will, but the most difficult clients won't. Like the grand parent posts, I had to deal with a client who had interesting work, so much room for creating wonderful solution and truly help people. It was all wasted due to interpersonal issues, the entire team (which at some point was just four people, CEO, CTO, financial backer and a developer) felt like a couple that needed serious counseling or maybe a divorce.

These people would ignore everything if it meant change. I don't think they were particularly happy in their weird little world, but best practices meant nothing to them. In their mind what they had was a special little snowflake of a use case (not true btw). Best practices simply didn't apply to them.

A year later I got a similar client. They had one systems administrator who was so scared of losing influence that he'd sabotage any solution you brought forward. Any time you adapted to fit he's last "on just one more thing" he's find a way to rationalize why their particular use case defied best practices.

Re: Just don’t

#410

Alternatively, if you’re not fit for work, then don’t be at work? I mean, at what point is it over the line to be useless at a job you’ve agreed to do, and that you demonstrated competence for and interviewed for? Many times I’ve said things like “just restart the cronjob for this” or “just tag this issue to so-and-so if you can’t get it, they wrote the original” etc. I’m all for taking care of yourself, but if you c…

It's not about "say this and you'll break someone forever." It's about getting the best out of those you manage by engendering trust and respect.

When you diminish someone's work or efforts (by any means; not simply by using the word "just"), you demonstrate to them that they can't confide in you, and should hide things from you whenever they can. As these events build up into a regular pattern, people learn that they can't trust you with anything important, and over time lose respect for you, and then your ability to manage them effectively is hampered. The team's performance is lower than it could be due to morale.

Your first line "Alternatively, if you’re not fit for work, then don’t be at work?" changes the contours of this topic into an either/or argument that absolves you of any need for empathy, which is worrying.

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