the biggest productivity milestone we've ever hit while doing freelance programming work was to just don't. there certainly already is a solutions for what we were trying to solve, because clients come and go, but the problems are generally the same
Just don’t
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Re: Just don’t
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
Most people don’t want you to solve their issues. They just want you to listen and understand them. If someone asks for advice, that’s another thing entirely. But I’ve learned over the years that just listening and appreciating what someone else is feeling is the most helpful thing you can do.
It may be the most helpful thing for them , but listening to someone else's problems could be emotionally taxing to the person listening. Double so, if the listener has a feeling that he's there just to listen, and that the person talking about the problem just wants to offload their issue to the listener, and is not at all interested about what the listener have to say about the topic. If you want someone to just li…
The parent didn't say you had to stick around. People default to fixing things and need to know that's the wrong thing to do.
Re: Just don’t
#63I get a lot more mileage out of "have you tried..." than "why don't you just...". As a recent example, I wrote a system that auto-generates PDF packing slips from an order form, to send to a warehouse for picking and packing. Yesterday a client told me to "just make it landscape" while I was explaining why "just making it landscape" won't solve the problem of giving the warehouse whitespace to pencil stuff in, becaus…
Marriage has taught me to go even further than that. I now ask "are you telling me to get it off your chest, or you want help solving it?". If the former, I don't offer any solutions whatsoever, in any kind of format.
Re: Just don’t
#64> "They’re not making good progress, and someone’s asked you if you can help. You look at some graphs and error messages. It’s easy (once again, I speak from experience) to say something like “Could you just cache the hot partition keys?” or “So, just scan the logs for the high-latency signals and frequency-sort them.” > This. Will. Not. Help. I wouldn't have thought to do this and would have appreciated this advice.…
There is another way to look at this situation (beyond the use of language and specific words).
The takeaway can be as follows: Ask questions before doling out advice/help.
What this means is, you are getting a better understanding of the current situation, you are being sympathetic and by the time you talk, you do so from a position of knowledge and not shooting from the hips.
For e.g., if a colleague is stuck debugging a slow API call, it would be good to ask them. "Hey, what all have you tried so far to resolve the issue" If partitioning keys and adding more CPU cores has already been tried, then you could suggest - what about scanning logs for high-latency calls?
I think the point the author is making is not just using the word "just". It is about being thoughtful and sympathetic before trying to solve the problem.
At least, that was my takeaway.
Re: Just don’t
#65Related: if someone has a chronic condition, don't drop on them unsolicited medical advice, especially things like "have you tried yoga?", "you just need more sunshine", "you must try my cousin's healing tea!". You're not their doctor, and they haven't shared all the medical details with you. Your 3-second diagnosis is almost certainly terrible. They've heard it a dozen times already, and it's difficult and tiring to…
I've learned that 9 times out of 10, if someone is telling you about their problems, they really just want some understanding or compassion.
I've found that instead of trying to 'fix' their problem with unsolicited advice, saying something like "Wow, that sucks, I'm sorry you're going through that" leads to a much more positive response.
Re: Just don’t
#66Related: if someone has a chronic condition, don't drop on them unsolicited medical advice, especially things like "have you tried yoga?", "you just need more sunshine", "you must try my cousin's healing tea!". You're not their doctor, and they haven't shared all the medical details with you. Your 3-second diagnosis is almost certainly terrible. They've heard it a dozen times already, and it's difficult and tiring to…
Or to an overweight person: "you know you'd be a lot healthier if you just lost weight" or "why don't you get a gym membership" or "it's just calories in minus calories out, bro"? Gee, thanks, you're the first person ever to tell me that I should lose weight and it's just a matter of diet and exercise, like every fat person on the planet doesn't already know. It's like saying to a smoker, "You know that's bad for you…
> "you know you'd be a lot healthier if you just lost weight"
Not least because weight loss is unlikely to make someone much healthier unless they have type 2 diabetes, severe hypertension, or are way beyond "overweight". There is a substantial population-level association between obesity and morbidity, but it's heavily influenced by those who are extremely obese (which tends to come with a variety of other issues not immediately relevant to the average fat person).
Re: Just don’t
#67Earlier quoted context omitted.
what if they complain about it chronically? are you then justified to offer unsolicited advice, or do you have to just listen (i.e. be their outlet)?
Most people don’t want you to solve their issues. They just want you to listen and understand them. If someone asks for advice, that’s another thing entirely. But I’ve learned over the years that just listening and appreciating what someone else is feeling is the most helpful thing you can do.
This is a lesson I am continually still trying to put in practice. I had the initial ah-ha moment from White Men Can't Jump.
See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.
Re: Just don’t
#68For those that don't get the subtle reference to Nike's slogan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Do_It
Re: Just don’t
#69I stopped using the word "just" in the meaning "only" when I took math courses at university.
The lecturers were so good to use that term ("trivially", "evidently", etc.) when it was anything but.
The smartest students were good to follow up.
Everyone else were quiet.
Re: Just don’t
#70I get a lot more mileage out of "have you tried..." than "why don't you just...". As a recent example, I wrote a system that auto-generates PDF packing slips from an order form, to send to a warehouse for picking and packing. Yesterday a client told me to "just make it landscape" while I was explaining why "just making it landscape" won't solve the problem of giving the warehouse whitespace to pencil stuff in, becaus…
I would have taken it as "this portrait packing slip has what we need, now scale and rotate and put it on the left of the same size paper" - and then gone over to the warehouse and grabbed a few copies of what they did.
Yeah, just pop over to a client's warehouse (which may not even be in the same city) to chat with some guys you have never seen before - sounds like a plan! I imagine if it would have been as simple as you suggest they would have just done that ;)