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Body Doubling

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Re: Body Doubling

#161

Post by argc »

ajmurmann wrote: post #122
elcritch wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My teenage years were similar. Cells phones were a thing but relatively rare and texting was limited. Friends in HS would often enough just drop by. Nowadays, if you just stop by a friends house, it feels borderline rude or intruding. My hypothesis is that given the rise of everyone having always connected cell phones, texting, etc, that subconsciously we've all shifted to viewing our physical homes as our form of pr…

I wonder how much of the changed behavior comes from the less intrusive communication options having gotten much lower effort. Even calling someone unannounced is almost unthinkable except if it's an emergency. I think that's because it's so easy to just send a text message first to ask if it's convenient. In the past text messages weren't as common. Before that, I could have called for example before stopping by a f…

> Anecdotal data for another factor: Too much effort is made! I've recently tried to make an effort to build up more of a friend network and turn some acquaintances into friends. I've noticed that we try to make everything so "nice" that it becomes inconvenient. The hosts always spend at least an hour getting their place ready and prepping food.

Most of my adult acquaintance friends are like this, but its nice to have a handful of friends that you've known for long enough where you don't feel bad just going to their house uninvited, without bringing anything and they will do the same to you. The problem is making these friends if you don't already have them, or turning the more polite acquaintance friendships into these. I imagine it will only happen after many years of effort. I've not created this type of friend in adulthood, only have kept around the ones I had when I was younger.

Re: Body Doubling

#162

Post by meken »

munificent wrote: post #61

There was a thread on Reddit recently asking what leisure time was like for people before radio, TV, and the Internet. Someone mentioned a memoir they'd read from the early 1900s and the part that stuck with them was how social everyone was. After work, people would go to friends houses, putter around town and catch up with neighbors, visit shops where they knew everyone, etc. I can't but think that so many of the ma…

One thing I like about my apartment complex is we have a hot tub outside. The weather is almost always nice here, so it’s a nice place to be, so I go out most nights, and often hang out with regulars.

Even though it’s super nice (basically resort-quality), there’s probably only a half dozen regulars, while there’s hundreds (200?) apartment units here.

Re: Body Doubling

#163

Post by pupulon2 »

gensym wrote: post #155
celtain wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

3 more family members are about to move into my house. No matter how much I tell myself that having a larger household and more social time will be "good for me", and of course having help with childcare will be hugely convenient, I'm really starting to dread the loss of privacy.

Two years ago, my wife and I invited my parents to move into a home with us and our children. I expect to always be glad we did, but it has been challenging in ways we hadn't really anticipated. In particular, it requires a more conscious effort for my wife and I to have time to have conversations between just the two of us. The help with childcare is great as well as the extra hands for household chores. The biggest…

Perhaps go on mini-dates with your wife? Coffee shop, park, etc

Re: Body Doubling

#164

Post by Blahah »

I am surprised to learn that this originated in ADHD communities. A huge part of my mental life that sits firmly within my ADHD diagnosis is hyperawareness.

If there are people around, I have at least several mental threads running monitoring their state. It doesn't matter if they are present physically or digitally - nor whether I can see, hear, or smell them, see message notifications from them, or am simply aware of their presence. It's incredibly useful in many situations - but means that I only achieve focus in complete solitude.

Re: Body Doubling

#165

Post by NL807 »

vjk800 wrote: post #84
munificent wrote: post #61

There was a thread on Reddit recently asking what leisure time was like for people before radio, TV, and the Internet. Someone mentioned a memoir they'd read from the early 1900s and the part that stuck with them was how social everyone was. After work, people would go to friends houses, putter around town and catch up with neighbors, visit shops where they knew everyone, etc. I can't but think that so many of the ma…

This is also how I remember my childhood and even early teenage years. My friends would just pop over unannounced and ask me out to play or play sports or something. Also relatives and grandparents would do this occasionally since basically my whole extended family lived in the same village. I also feel like things would have continued the same way if it wasn't for everyone (including me) moving away to study, work,…

> As an adult, it's very difficult to reconstruct the same kind of social network once it has been broken.

This describes my parents' situation perfectly. We are a family of migrants, my parents were very social and had a big network of friends back in their home country. Even since we moved here, they became insular, and never made many long term friends. In fact, they are pretty much alone and not very happy in their older age.

Re: Body Doubling

#166

Post by ausbah »

marshmallowmad wrote: post #57

I think this is the reason why in-person work environments will be more productive over the longer term for any larger organization. Not saying I’m against remote work, as I actually prefer it myself.

productivity being the sole metric by which worker's lives are run is an idea that needs to meet the dustbin of history

Re: Body Doubling

#168

Post by firecall »

“Many people with ADHD find it easier to stay focused on housework, homework, bill paying, and other tasks when someone else is around to keep them company.”

Not true for me!

If anything the reverse is true!

With my ADHD I also get a form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria, so worry I’m being judged or watched.

Not with everything. Just somethings, and mostly my desk based work.

I like silent rooms away from people.

Any distractions at all with detail me for possibly hours!

Re: Body Doubling

#169

Post by Behemoth66 »

ajmurmann wrote: post #122
elcritch wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My teenage years were similar. Cells phones were a thing but relatively rare and texting was limited. Friends in HS would often enough just drop by. Nowadays, if you just stop by a friends house, it feels borderline rude or intruding. My hypothesis is that given the rise of everyone having always connected cell phones, texting, etc, that subconsciously we've all shifted to viewing our physical homes as our form of pr…

I wonder how much of the changed behavior comes from the less intrusive communication options having gotten much lower effort. Even calling someone unannounced is almost unthinkable except if it's an emergency. I think that's because it's so easy to just send a text message first to ask if it's convenient. In the past text messages weren't as common. Before that, I could have called for example before stopping by a f…

I lived in a very orthodox Jewish neighborhood for a while and what you described is exactly what happens on Shabbat still (since there’s no phones being used).

People just feel welcome to drop by. The house is usually a total mess because « work » is not allowed, and there’s no gift bringing either because of religious reasons.

I always admired it. Just one day where no one’s working or traveling and everyone’s free to come over and hangout.

Re: Body Doubling

#170

Post by 6177c40f »

firecall wrote: post #168

“Many people with ADHD find it easier to stay focused on housework, homework, bill paying, and other tasks when someone else is around to keep them company.” Not true for me! If anything the reverse is true! With my ADHD I also get a form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria, so worry I’m being judged or watched. Not with everything. Just somethings, and mostly my desk based work. I like silent rooms away from people.…

Same here, in fact I'm rather surprised to learn that this isn't the norm for people with ADHD, apparently.

On a related note, my office is currently doing a sort of ad-hoc, informal hybrid work schedule, so some days of the week there's very few people in the office. On those days, I find I'm so much more productive just due to the fact that there's less commotion and fewer people talking. WFH was great for my productivity as well, of course. Anyone else notice the same?

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