51–60 of 156 posts
It seems difficult and overwhelming, but actually the first year is pretty easy. You need to support your wife so that she can sleep and relax as much as possible. When she feels relaxed, the baby will feel relaxed, too. Her milk will feed and protect the baby, so there isn't that much else to worry about.
Take a lot of photos. First 4 months are one big haze, because of how perpetually tired we were. And, yeah, "your life, as you know it, is officially over".
I think you've put the comma in the wrong place in that quote.. Assuming you aren't actually saying that "their life is over", the comma should move forward one word in your sentence to show that it is "life as you know it" being over, rather than life being over "as you (already) know".
Give them both lots of love, pull energy from seeing your baby's little features- their delicate little hands, wisps of hair, milk drunkness, chubby cheeks!
Get skin on skin contact as soon as you can, wrap your arms around your little one- you are their protector and nothing will hurt them with you around.
Be prepared for some dark thoughts; usually centred around something/somebody hurting or taking your child away. I think this is probably normal.
Give your partner support and put little things in the calendar each week- like a TV show the three of you can watch- its making the mundane special that will keep your morale up when you're operating on 3 hours sleep.
I suppose every person with functional testes counts as a "potential father." I didn't see the poll -- do you mean people with children on the way? I raised three children. I don't have a lot of advice to offer because you make it up as you go. That happens because every child comes with a personality, as a unique individual. You need a lot of patience. Raising children takes up a lot of time and energy, so the more…
Sleep deprivation was a big issue for us, and we solved it cosleeping with him in the same bed (criticised by other parents and older generations ), but it works for us cause we don't have to standup and fully wake up to soothe him and feed him. First few months we used a cosleeping bed and now just sleep together (he is in the middle between us).
Another tio is to try different stuff multiple times and different ages. Some useful things were white noise, pacifier, singing, dancing.
Good luck, and welcome to the brotherhood. I'll smile at you with a deep understanding face whenever I cross you in the daily walks with your newborn.
All those books on parenting you have? Read them before the birth, because after it, you will have zero time and energy to do so.
And those books will be full of completely conflicting "science", large numbers of anecdotes, and almost entirely pointless. Your child is different to any siblings, yourself, and any of the local children. People will swear blind "This is the sole way to make a child sleep", etc. At the end of the day things are so different that you need to find your own way. Love your partner, don't drop the child on their heads,…
Everybody advised us to let the baby “cry it out” to learn to fall asleep on his own. We never did because it didn’t feel right. And things did work out in the end :)
- Be present at all times while the baby is being born. If for any reason your wife passes out, she may have some trauma because of it (a much stronger form of post-partum depression), and it will help (tremendously) (if she trusts you) if she knows that you were there, as a witness to everything that happened. Just don't leave her, and also be ready, if necessary to receive the baby on your own torso if your wife can't do it (that's to avoid trauma/fear for the baby).
- I think that this is literally the most important recommendation one may make: Probably the most traumatizing experience of children is not being raised by their parents. Do everything you can to never leave your wife or to never have her leave you. And always be present for your children. In my experience, people who were raised by their two parents have much less problems in society than those whose parents (even just one) were absent. This is to such an extent that less brilliant people will have much better careers that absolutely stunningly intelligent people who had issues with their parents. Even if one loses a parent because of sudden death due to some random accident, one will feel betrayed in the deepest way (Why did you have to die? Why aren't you here when I need you?): it's difficult to overcome this and not become too defensive.
- Trauma as a child is how you make sociopaths and maybe also psychopaths (mentally ill - real illness, not just inappropriate behavior). Avoid exposing your children to traumatizing situations. If they are, do your best to guide them out of the trauma: recognize it, tell them it's OK to fell like they feel, find professional help to handle this.
- Children have their own personality, they are not you. The best you can do is see them as young, friendly companions in your life. Guide them, direct them, always having fun. Let them choose, but orient the way they choose. Let them experience things early, that's the best way to learn. Provide many hugs, be physically close. Allow them to rest on you. Allow them to cry, but not to be too loud. Tears are OK, screaming is not.
- In the evening, every day, lay in their bed close to them them before they sleep and talk with them, ask them about their day, how they felt... This reminds them on a daily basis that they count in your life, that you are interested in them. You'll also enjoy these moments. And you'll learn a lot about them and their relations to other people and children. It's really funny.
- Always expect just a bit more than they are able to provide, but don't punish.
- From the beginning, explain everything. They'll quickly understand. I promise you'll be surprised how mature they'll be.
- At the same time, allow them to be children. My son (almost 5) loves super heroes, but he also still enjoys Mickey Mouse shows for young children - that's OK, it won't harm him, even if you know he's able to watch more complex stuff.
- Read every day (part of) a story to them. That might be the most predictive thing to ensure good results at school.
Don't stress. How it goes is simple: up to the birth of your first child, you don't know anything about parenting. As soon as the baby is born, you become a master in parenting and know everything. It's like a two-states system with no in-between =).
In the same way, babies understand everything about life, until they learn to speak: they understand the pleasures of sleeping, eating, being taken care of, being in the arms of their parents, cuddling etc. They are so smart that they almost always know how to get what they want (scream and cry). They live to eat, to poop and pee, to sleep and to sometimes laugh (isn't that wonderful?).
Then suddenly, it goes away. They somehow become dumb and you have to educate them and teach them everything. And somehow, that's the begin of the most interesting part of being a parent.
Congratulations and have fun!
If at all possible, change diapers on the floor - the baby will move. And there's little need for a changing table.
We took shifts with the babies, so we each could get uninterrupted sleep. #1 quickly had a good sleep schedule. #2 ... took 10 months. And would mostly only sleep while being pushed in a stroller or co-sleeping. With relatives, their kid would only sleep in a moving car.
Find activities for parent+kid(s). The local library had one starting a 4 months, which I enjoyed. So do some of the local churches.
I loved taking #1 out in a chest carrier for walks + naps. #2 didn't like it at all.
People will stop and tell you you're parenting wrong. Feel free to ignore them. Most common was (in cold weather) that baby needed more clothing on. One person told me it was psychologically harmful to have the baby facing forward in the stroller instead of backward. I swore at them.
Relationship: don't keep a (mental) score of changed diapers, chores etc. with your spouse. You're not roommates. Team work isn't perfectly balanced or symmetrical.
You: Everything is just a phase and will soon pass. Remember this, when things are tough. Also, don't be confused if the first months feel more like a struggle than the most magical period. In the beginning they're more a "generic baby", which may or may not be your thing. After 4–6 months, they'll have developed a little more personality and you will fall in love with that person.
Parenting: Positive reinforcement. Overflow them with love. Try to teach them nice manners from the very start (greeting people, thanking etc). Everything in life is easier with a likeable person.