> Can't edit kernel parameters from the firmware's own boot selector though can you.
Yes you could, if the firmware did let you change the Unicode string (some firmwares let you do crazy things)
> UEFI has effectively replaced all that with a proprietary boot process. The vendor is now in complete control; want a usable text console, or to access the firmware via an external monitor? Vendor doesn't give a shit. Want to access the boot loader via the serial console? Oh you must be an enterprise, let me direct you to our sales staff who won't give you the time of day unless you've got £thousands to drop into their pocket.
You are over dramatizing the current situation. Just boot to a UEFI shell and you can do all that. There are many.
If all you need is to edit the cmdline parameters, add an initrd containing a busybox + kexec to show the currently entered parameters and either keep booting as is, or edit them and kexec the kernel with the new parameters.
It's something a bit like what zfsbootmenu does to let you select the root filesystem you want, and it's much more powerful than a UEFI shell since you get the wide set of drivers linux suppors, and the even wider set of tools you can run on the commandline.
> Don't get me wrong, I'd love to replace GRUB with systemd-boot, but these are very real impediments to me ever doing so.
The #1 impediment seems to be your lack of desire to reclaim freedom, something easy to do if you spend a few hours learning about UEFI payloads, initrd, kexec etc.
Get in touch by email and I'll help you.