Ask HN: How to overcome strong feelings of worthlesness and inadequacy

Yes I don't really know the feeling of what is like to create something, this kills me.

I am constantly disappointed by my code, it sucks, it's really bad and that also makes me lose motivation whenever I try to build something, for some reason failure is a permanent constant and the fear that I am going to fail anyway keeps me from actually getting trough building something to the end...

As for your lack of motivation, remember what Chis Gardner (pursuit of happiness) said:

- If other guys can do it, you can too.

- The cavalerie is not coming.

- Baby steps count too, as long as they are in the right direction.

You want to truly become a good engineer/hacker. That's great. Now get to work, because the only thing that stands between you and your goal of becoming a great engineer is you and your self doubt. As you said, you have no excuses. But most importantly STOP feeling overwhelmed an inadequate and START accepting that the field of computer science is just HUGE. There are literally hundreds of programming languages, technologies, skill sets (front-end, web dev, DB etc.). Nobody masters all of them. And further, true mastery of a skill takes practice and therefore time. What you see on HN is an aggregate of the best of the best, a community where everyone chips in the best of their abilities. And that's why it is so great to read HN.

Now, to get out of this whole, simply use divide and conquer. Pick one fundamental C.S. skill you want to learn (algorithms, data structures, OS/compilers etc.) and learn it really well. Dive really deep and try to not just watch videos on academic earth but do the homework, code the samples, build small projects around it. Once done, pick the next subject. Remember, it is better to complete one small thing, that to start 10 big ones.

you can create amazing things!, this started a revolution in my head, I now have a goal: I want to be like these guys I want be admired by my peers

Sleigh bells ringing... No wait, alarm bells. What does wanting admiration and to be like others have to do with creating things?

I have tried telling myself that its alright, that its all about hard work that I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and just do it and start working, but no matter how hard I try I keep having these feelings of inadequacy

You keep telling yourself that you aren't working hard enough, that you keep failing, and that this is OK, and then you're surprised when you feel bad afterwards?? Hello, McFly?

and pretty soon I'm back to feeling sorry for myself, "it doesn't matter how hard you work, you'll never be like them"

What are you trying to prove, and to whom? I don't ask to hear an answer, I suggest you ponder it though.

This is indeed ruining my life.

Indeed. What if you never ever become a great hacker, would you still code for fun? Could you ever really feeply admire and like yourself in that future?

I have to admit I'm rather relieved reading your post because at least I'm not the only one who is rapidly developing an inferiority complex here ;)

For my part, I'm 28 with a Philosophy degree and currently in a junior role at a late stage startup. I'm not a developer, more like "guy who hacks together Perl and queries MySQL all day".

So, you at least have an edge on me - for what little that's worth! In fact, stepping back to take stock of what you do in fact have might help. I realize it's not much consolation to know you're neither homeless, politically oppressed or living in a war zone - but keeping that perspective has helped me through some moments of self-doubt and pity.

I totally know what you're saying about having no excuses with all the free and accessible information out there. Believe it or not, I find the plethora of choice a little crippling in its own way. When I spend 5 weeks debating which language to learn, and 5 days actually trying to learn a language - there's clearly something wrong!

I don't know where you are in your life, but it might be worth considering a bold leap. I've seen a few programming boot camps promoted here on HN - one in the Bay Area and the other in Chicago. If you're between jobs, this might be something to consider.

Dev Bootcamp : http://devbootcamp.com/apply

Code Academy : http://codeacademy.org/

I know how incredibly difficult it is to find the time and motivation to work on a side project. In fact, if you're looking for a learning partner - I'd certainly welcome it. I'm currenly interested in the following : Python, Perl, Django, Dancer, Ruby, Groovy, Rails/Grails, JS, coffeescript, design principles, NoSQL, Big Data, Hadoop. I can be reached @ esoteric.doktrin at gmail.

Good luck - keep calm and carry on, as they say.

The OP should worry about the long run, but only after taking every necessary measure to get through the short run.

Meanwhile, whether or not any course of treatment is a long-term, sustainable, smart solution depends on the patient, of course. Therapy, both short-term and sustained, has markedly improved the lives of multiple friends and relations of mine, and drugs have very definitely saved the lives of a few, and that's just the ones I know about.