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Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

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521–530 of 567 posts

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#521

Always take sides. By not taking a side you are automatically wrong. This doesn’t mean you should engage in identity politics, etc. but when faced with a choice take the time to make an informed decision. If you say something “should be a thing” you are automatically now in charge of creating it or convincing someone to create it. Do not tell people who are working on things that they should realize your idea if you…

>Pick people, not projects.

This is really important. Addendum: pick the right spouse if you can, easier said than done. It's better to be single than have a dysfunctional spouse.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#522
post #379

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Taking a side does not mean submitting yourself to an argument. The advice is "take a side", not "advocate/defend a side in all circumstances".

It involves grokking the arguments from both sides and if it’s anything non-trivial it will take hours to actually give it due diligence. “Taking a side” without being some political hot-head dipshit is a massive waste of time.

You don't necessarily need to be right, either, but the point is to take a stand so that there's something substantial to discuss. Put another way -- allow yourself the opportunity of being wrong. The assumption is that good faith dialectic follows, though of course that is an assumption made only on good faith.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#523
post #511

I have found that all the best advice I've received centers on how to focus your attention. As humans when we can give something our full attention it's almost impossible that what we are doing won't bear fruit. Here are some axioms around that idea that if you implement you will progress. - Time is not your most valuable resource. Your attention is. - Focus your attention only on things that have disproportionate re…

Thank you for your list! Would you be able to share what "T.R.A.F" is as I was unable to find out more by Googling it.

You won't find it on Google. It's a technique from a book for executives from the early 80's. The last chapter is on how to use a personal computer to manage your files instead of a file cabinet! No internet.

T.R.A.F stands for (T)rash (R)ead (A)ction (F)ile

The idea is everyday you, "along with your secretary" lol, Go through each item in your inbox and mark each item with either a T R A or F. You don't read or contemplate on the item you simply categorize it and move to the next item.

Mark T - to TRASH item like junk mail, unimportant, not worthy of a response

Mark R - to READ later ie articles, memos, letters, etc.

Mark A - to take an ACTION on this item. Phone call, pay a bill, etc

Mark F - to FILE this item away receipts, tax return, etc.

You are to do this exercise at the beginning of each day. The idea being your action pile is the items you need to work on. Schedule a time daily or weekly to go through your read pile and catch up on reading. Trash all the garbage and file away things you need to keep but don't need to look at.

Whatever you didn't complete from your action & read list you put back in your inbox for the next day. Each day mark a dot in the upper right had corner of the item. Once the item collects 3 dots. Force yourself to handle it that day. No more delay.

This system was designed in the days before computers but apply it to your email inbox and it works very well. I started by just using flags on the email messages. Green flag action, Blue Flag read, Red Flag trash, Orange Flag file.

I have since evolved into a custom system that is a blend of TRAF and Eiesenhower Matrix. I'm actually designing a mail client around this idea. It has greatly improved my ability to handle the onslaught of material that comes my way.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#524

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are a fool if you believe this

Great!

We’re still talking about (remembering) Solomon, Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle to this day. Every Christmas people remember the 3 wise men. You’re getting your advice from a time when history barely existed. Of course nobody remembered people back then. Times have changed though. Your entire life can be online and people will remember your wisdom or folly forever and forever.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#525

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to nitpick, but the words have no value. The value comes from what you or me assign to them. Certainly there are things in your past (or mine) that we heard and effectively ignored. But if heard again we'd laugh or cry. The point is, the meaning we attach to the words are literally in our heads. We determine the worlds they create. It's not the other way around.

> Not to nitpick, but the words have no value. The value comes from what you or me assign to them. I don't think this holds, otherwise every libel suit would be thrown out of court on the basis of "that's what you think it means". Not to mention that we have dictionaries that record the assigned meanings of words :-)

Libel suit? Are we all going to court in our minds every day? All day? We're talking about personal experience and personal responsibility.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#526

My mother told me to not care what other people thought. She also told me that words can't really hurt people ("sticks and stones..."). She also believed its "mean" to have any preference about people, calling it a version of "keeping score". In fact, "keeping score" was one of the worst things you could be accused of in my household. Her advice fails to accept the reality of social and emotional needs. It also fails…

Not that I disagree with you, but what does "keeping score" actually mean? I don't understand how it's related to being mean or having "preferences" about people...

"Keeping score" was primarily a charge used by my mother against people who questioned her or charged her with wrong-doing. She used it to avoid responsibility and put the focus on the victim. This mixed with her brand of extreme egalitarianism into a general dictum "it is wrong to dislike people".

This is very poor advice. It's not wrong to dislike people! If you believe it is, then other people are wrong to dislike you. If being wrong is bad than you have no basis to like them, and they are not good people, not worthy of being friends with. Furthermore, that they are not being punished reflects on the failed state of authority (the school teachers and admins). Her advice was untested and didn't take into account basic human social or psychological needs.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#527

I went to a Vipassana retreat [1] for the 4th time in my life (over a 10 year period). It has been a while, last time since 2016. It's hard to keep up a practice, but I'm in a position to do so now that's must better suited than before. I can't go into that, since I want to keep this comment short ;-) I've noticed a few things: - I experience pleasant, neutral and unpleasant feelings more intensely. - I am better cap…

This should come with a warning. Vipassana and other meditation retreats have also caused profound psychosis in people. Be warned about an irreversible mental breakdown. Your mind is unnaturally put in a hyper insensitive environment that it is not meant to be in, nor is it designed to from an evolutionary standpoint. It is designed to stay alert with its environment and defend you from threats, seek mate/food. There…

Fair point. I have experienced the dark side of meditation outside retreats. I have been able to tame it.

It’s a good warning that you make

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#528

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean words only hurt if you let them in so that’s why we think of things this way. It sucks to be in a relationship with someone who can’t forgive or forget. Mean vindictive people who will twist words and who are suppose to love you unconditionally.

Something to consider, as more and more people say things to you, you start to understand the different ways in which people are terrible, which isn't all that bad because nobody is perfect. But then you start to understand the ways in which all people are flawed, that's when you really lose faith in humanity. So words might not hurt, but they offer more and more reasons to disengage, not just from terrible people, b…

FWIW, meditation (Vipassana after a few years of Samahdi), really helps with this because it shows you your own inconsistencies and faults. You're part of that sometimes nasty group, too. This may well lead to a short depression at times but overall, a much more positive outlook. "Them's just how it is, and good things still sometimes happen."

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#529
post #305

Your ego and your conscious mind are the source of most of your problems. Meditate to delve deeper and find out who you truly are. (Or more accurately, who you are not.) If you can tap into and sync up with this inner self, your problems will melt away and you will find happiness without needing much. This isn’t to say that you must get rid of your conscious mind or ego. Simply understand why they’re useful. Your con…

Been recently struggling with health and having a lot of time on my hands, I have gotten more into meditation. I like the way these thoughts of yours are going. While learning who 'I' am and who I am not might be a part of our introspective journey, are there any books you could recommend looking into as to support the practice of mindfulness and meditation?

For this hands off way of thinking, I highly recommend the Tao te Ching and the Book of Leadership and Strategy (Tao te Ching part 2), translated by Thomas Cleary. I am a big fan of Taoism and Zen Buddhism.

Alan Watts is also a good resource to check out on YouTube for mindfulness meditation, though he’s not for everyone. You can find a few lectures about meditation and Zen Buddhism if you search around. For understanding who you are not, try Learning the Human Game: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SsU9UUtELkw

The point of learning all this is because there’s a lot of stuff happening when you are meditating or being mindful in everyday life. It’s difficult to discern who is the real you. The big questions is: WHY are you behaving a certain way? What do you get out of it and who taught you? Where did it come from?

If society taught you so that you can be proper and fit in, it isn’t you. If you learned it through trauma or for the sake of pride/ego, it is not you. Pay attention to your emotional reactions to things. They are telling you that you want something to change. Then simply do what it takes to move that direction. No need to get mad or sad or wish it were different. That is all a waste of energy. (Avoid saying shoulda, woulda, coulda)

We are not our thoughts. Pay attention to when those arise and let them go. Your true self will have tons of energy and motivation, and you will not have any resistance in doing it. Let that energy carry you till you feel diminishing returns or fatigue, then figure out what you want to do next in the same manner.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#530

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suing to threaten the pensions of underpaid teachers. Makin’ a difference in the world.

Does raise an interesting question, though: Is it the teachers' or the parents' responsibility to teach manners to a child? Isn't this something that you'd pick up at home first, before ever stepping a foot into an institutionalized pedagogical setting? Perhaps instead of suing the entire school district, GP should rather sue the parents of the offending child? /s To remove the tongue from the cheek, though, and prov…

An old guy's perspective: It's not this or that lesson or parental intent that matters, it's the sheer amount of one-on-one interaction with the parent(s), that matters most. IIRC, that's about twenty minutes a week for most kids. Nomads (See the book The Old Way by Elizabeth Marshal Thomas) don't have the same behavior problems at all; but the kids are getting an incredibly high amount of one on one interactions with their parents (mother in particular, while gathering, say berries, with them.)
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