Talking to strangers can make us smarter?

It's less about language and more about curiosity. Some people are comfortable in the expat bubble, or as uninvolved observers. Meeting people, being actively curious about them, it demands energy.

However there are some experiences that you can't buy. There's no entry ticket to an intimate celebration. You have to talk your way into it. You have to put in the work. You have to genuinely care about the people you interact with.

I know this. I've experienced it time and time again. I just left a place full of people I will miss dearly. However after a long day of riding, I can't be arsed to do it. Thank god for extroverts who drag us kicking and screaming into their universe.

Giving compliments to people on their style, demeanour/energy or some situation that’s interesting in the moment is how I talk to strangers.

Also, only do it when you mean it.

Some people respond negative to lukewarm but most people really appreciate it.

> “Anyone here have any anecdotes where you had that same experience?”

I actively engage with strangers in public. I do so in ways that match our current activities. What this looks like: Last week I was grocery shopping in the freezer section. The place I pick up tortellinis from had moved them, so me and another person were searching through the freezer cabinets. After a fruitless moment I asked them what they were looking for in the hopes during their search they had spotted the tortellinis’ new location. They mentioned they were also on a hunt for tortellini. I mentioned to them in passing that when a store moves something a note or something similar would be helpful to tell shoppers the new location for the item. We then continued talking about shopping experiences at other places, and some how wound up talking about our favorite dishes. In the end my new shopping acquaintance found the tortellinis and asked me how many bags I wanted.

Most experiences occur in shared events, such as standing in line for something, waiting after for an order to be fulfilled, or simply overhearing a conversation in a shopping center and commenting about my experience on what they mentioned. All these interactions, from my recent memory, have been positive.

I like speaking to strangers. I feel uplifted and I depart conversations feeling like I participated in something societal. At the base, speaking to strangers has also taught me a crap load of stuff too. Examples: how to hang a nearly squirrel proof bird feeder, how to cook lamb better, how to wire a lamp, where good restaurants are, how to put a post in the ground more securely but with less concrete, etc.

And, yes, I like humanity more because I talk to strangers. I see my appreciation for others happen when I become angry at people. I find myself asking “well they’re doing this for a reason, I just haven’t asked them their reason, yet.”

I think a lot of that is delivery. In a society like the UK (where I currently live) where there’s a deep and heavy cynicism and sarcasm in the cultural dialog, most people assume you’re taking the piss unless you really can convey you’re not - not that this is a good reason not to complement people if you think it’s warranted.

In NZ the culture is a lot more earnest, so it’s a bit easier.

As a transplant from the Midwest to the North East, anecdotally, this matches my experience. Even after many years and friends, I still feel an outsider here. My wife and I often lament it. There is no sense of community to speak of, just thousands of ships passing in the dark.