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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#211

Post by globular-toast »

fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

I can relate to having it beaten out of you. There were definitely many years after school where I'd learnt to suppress and hide my geeky interests. There's no way, for example, I would have been visibly excited when a train went past. More recently I've stopped suppressing it, though. Now as a 36 year old man I will run to be able to see a train go past if I want to. It helps that I now have friends and a girlfriend who are just like me. It turns out if you find the right people these are attractive qualities.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#213

Post by globular-toast »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Yeah, I've always said this. It's better to buy things that you are super into and you think they might be tempted to get into themselves. I'm sure we've all received that cheap mousepad from Grandma because she knows you're on the computer all the time. It's a waste and make the recipient feel bad when they throw it in the bin.

What's funny also is how certain things always become associated with gifts. When some of my friends grew beards in the 2010s they started receiving beard oils and balms etc. from everyone. I grew my beard much earlier and it wasn't considered a gift-giving thing back then. Coffee seems to be a thing you can be in to but (in the UK at least) tea isn't. Most people I know drink tea regularly but nobody would ever gift a teapot or something to them.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#214

Post by ChrisMarshallNY »

fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

> Even into adulthood, I occasionally find myself making fun of people for being into specific things.

Yesterday I learned that there's an entire subreddit, dedicated to making fun of programmers. People take snippets of social media posts by programmers, and post them out of context (without links to the context), and everyone takes turns, making fun of the snippet.

That looks like a lot of fun...

Hey, whatever creams your twinkie...

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#215

Post by BeFlatXIII »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

I have that problem when buying presents for my mother. She's taken up a serious interest in painting during her retirement years. The things I'd think to buy would be below her level or are things she already owns (perhaps because they were a gift from me when she was early in her artistic journey). The big-ticket stuff would be already gifted to her by my dad as a gift to celebrate their wedding anniversary.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#216

Post by shrugsworth »

fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

Agree with you about un-ironic (authentic?) enthusiasm being one of the best human traits. I moved across the country and am getting settled in, trying to make new friends. The culture is a bit different, so it's been slow going. But I've found that digging into and understanding what people are super into is one of the most enjoyable things you can do, and probably the best way to understand who someone really is. Not just what they're into, but why. I've also found that most people really want to share / teach other people about these things, so that's a great way to connect. And I've also realized this has happened in a lot of the deep friendships I've had, just more organically.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#217

Post by screye »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

I feel like the US's focus on high school sports means that the jock stereotype stays at the top of the highschool social hierarchy. The macho/ball-breaking culture of jocks means that the typical nerd gets bullied. Also, college admissions' aren't "holistic" here, so the typical nerd is not penalized for mix-maxing into his stats. (if you'd excuse my RPG lingo for a moment)

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#218

Post by ectopod »

ryan_lane wrote: post #153
wheels wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I'm a whisky nerd, and the uninitiated trying to buy me whisky is almost always disappointing. Usually it'll be something from the grocery store, which has a chance of being ok, but has no chance of being novel, while simultaneously for the buyer feeling like it's pretty expensive. I've told folks that want to buy me something to go into a specialty shop and ask for recommendations there. If they want to excite…

This is one of those cases where I'm thankful that I'm also really into making cocktails, because unless the whisky is absolutely disgusting, it's going to work in a cocktail, and at the very least, it's a challenge for me to make it work.

Or make whisky cake. Dried fruit and peel are soaked in whisky for a week, baked into a fairly typical fruit cake, drizzled with more whisky, wrapped, and left to steep for a couple of weeks. Recommended.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#219

Post by ubermonkey »

fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

Traditional nerd/geek culture has always been pretty pro-enthusiasm. I mean, it's built on enthusiasm. Chris Hardwick noted that being a nerd isn't about what you like; it's about how you like it, and that delta is really the almost manic enthusiasm that ensues.

I'm sorry you had to work through this!

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#220

Post by dr_orpheus »

karaterobot wrote: post #36

On the other hand, my mom one time mentioned that she thought pigs were cute, and now her sister gives her pig-themed gifts every year for her birthday, 30 years later. "I don't really like pigs, she just thinks I do." I used to work with a guy who had at least a dozen pirate-themed t-shirts people had bought him, because he always wore pirate themed t-shirts. What's with the pirate shirts? "I bought one shirt becaus…

Yeah, the great thing about the "coffee/beer/chocolate/etc. friend" is that the gifts are consumable. You can get the same or similar thing and it doesn't just keep piling up everywhere.
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