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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#191

Post by Kiro »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

"Too cool for stuff" is definitely a global thing.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#192

Post by koonsolo »

nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100
koonsolo wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

It depends on what you call 'nerd' I guess. I learned myself how to program at 14. Never got bullied for that, and my friends all thought that was cool.

Did kids get bullied? Sure. But it had more to do with social awkwardness than certain interests or school results.

And for the 'popular kids', I could not define who the popular kids in my school could be. Not all girls would try to hang out with certain guys. Each girl had their own interests and that could differ a lot. A concept like a "prom king or queen" for me is totally out of this world. I cannot imagine that concept in my youth, and could also have no clue who the hell would be nominated for such a thing. In my adult life now? Sure, probably the guy with the successful business driving the sports car. In my youth, no idea, nobody stood out like that.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#193

Post by Ma8ee »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Yes, I wish people understood this better. As someone with quite a few hobbies, the thing you buy me is usually either redundant or not particularly useful.

I really wish the tradition of grown people giving each other gifts would disappear. We don’t need more stuff to clutter our lives and it’s utterly tragic how we destroy our world just to produce stuff that just might make people marginally happier in a few fleeting moments.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#194

Post by shifto »

Ma8ee wrote: post #193
wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Yes, I wish people understood this better. As someone with quite a few hobbies, the thing you buy me is usually either redundant or not particularly useful. I really wish the tradition of grown people giving each other gifts would disappear. We don’t need more stuff to clutter our lives and it’s utterly tragic how we destroy our world just to produce stuff that just might make people marginally happier in a few fleet…

During birthdays and days like Christmas, I ask friends and family to not buy me anything but if they can think of something fun for my kids. I have all the stuff I want already so either you have an awesome idea and really have a specific gift you want to give me or I'd rather you don't get me anything at all. This is well respected in my circles and I don't get as much junk anymore.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#195

Post by Ma8ee »

lukego wrote: post #101
muzani wrote: post #55

I assume everyone is a "chocolate friend". If they aren't, they'll let you know.

Any time someone gives me chocolate as a gift I say a polite thank-you and then discretely throw it in the trash. Maybe I'm an outlier, or maybe not...

Oh no! You just got a present to give. Don’t throw it away, give it to someone who actually likes chocolate, which fortunately is most people.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#196

Post by nicolas_t »

bythreads wrote: post #182
nicolas_t wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Was it in a private or public school? Anecdotal but I've never seen that when I was in school in the 90s. Friends who went to "good" private schools though complained about public shaming and had similar experiences to the one you had. Also in terms of teaching, I actually appreciated the fact that we had a lot of compositions that emphasised critical thinking (more so than I had when I went to Germany for 6 months a…

This was actually a public school in "thonon sur le mans" (lake geneve)

Oh that's sad that it'd happen even in a public school. When was that?

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#197

Post by messe »

arc-in-space wrote: post #63

Hello! I am the coffee friend. I currently have 3 bags of gift coffee I hated on contact and will probably never drink. Lots of other examples here(wfleming here says the same thing) but in short, this happens nearly every time someone gives me gifts based on their superficial idea of a hobby I'm in. The thing ends up being worthless and I begrudgingly pretend to be satisfied with the gift.

> I currently have 3 bags of gift coffee I hated on contact and will probably never drink.

I find that even the worst can (usually) be salvaged as cold brew.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#198

Post by wfleming »

Ma8ee wrote: post #193
wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Yes, I wish people understood this better. As someone with quite a few hobbies, the thing you buy me is usually either redundant or not particularly useful. I really wish the tradition of grown people giving each other gifts would disappear. We don’t need more stuff to clutter our lives and it’s utterly tragic how we destroy our world just to produce stuff that just might make people marginally happier in a few fleet…

Yeah, completely agree on reducing gift giving as adults.

I long ago made it clear to my family they should just donate to charity in my name at holidays except in rare cases when I specifically say I want something. Took some convincing, but now everyone sees it as normal and I think it’s fulfilling for everyone involved.

I did the same for a work Secret Santa thing for several years and the givers who got me always appreciated that as well.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#199

Post by gsinclair »

bythreads wrote: post #181
fsckboy wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

btw "cue the other kids laughing", rather than queue. In stage acting a cue is a signal to synchronize things like a new player entering the stage.

Thanks appreciated!

Also “were”, not “where”.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#200

Post by ascagnel_ »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

I look at that as a learning opportunity -- if you're not pretentious and exclusionary about it, you can try to shine some light on your hobbies and get your friends and family into it by being inclusive. Ie: if you're seeing your family for a holiday, and you're the "coffee person", then brew a pot big enough to share, and do a mini tasting session for anyone who's interested.
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