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An ode to that “coffee friend”

tiramisu.bearblog.dev

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#181

Post by bythreads »

fsckboy wrote: post #169
bythreads wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together. There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class sayin…

btw "cue the other kids laughing", rather than queue. In stage acting a cue is a signal to synchronize things like a new player entering the stage.

Thanks appreciated!

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#182

Post by bythreads »

nicolas_t wrote: post #175
bythreads wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together. There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class sayin…

Was it in a private or public school? Anecdotal but I've never seen that when I was in school in the 90s. Friends who went to "good" private schools though complained about public shaming and had similar experiences to the one you had. Also in terms of teaching, I actually appreciated the fact that we had a lot of compositions that emphasised critical thinking (more so than I had when I went to Germany for 6 months a…

This was actually a public school in "thonon sur le mans" (lake geneve)

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#183

Post by bythreads »

dagw wrote: post #150
bythreads wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its funny that this is still a thing - the only reason why bullying happens is because the culture of it is not broken by the school itself. My kids go to a scholl where: 1: you can only ever arrange playdates or gatherings with a maximum of 2 other kids - or its the whole class 2: bullying is not allowed in any way shape or form 3: no one is allowed to exclude others from games, plays or events 4: this is rigorously…

I think you have an extremely naive view of both children and bullying. My daughter goes to a school with very similar rules, and they're followed up by the school, and if you where to talk to the parents I'm sure at least half of them would claim that the school has no bullying or at least handles it very well. And despite all this, my daughter still got horribly bullied by her classmates.

No not really, was bullied myself, understands the dynamics and bullying is a group phenomenon - not a one on one. If your peers a very aware of it not being allowed and discouraging it - you dont't get the social "credits" for applying it and it fizzles - then again if you dont learn the lesson you're expelled.

Works

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#184

Post by bythreads »

DocTomoe wrote: post #151
bythreads wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its funny that this is still a thing - the only reason why bullying happens is because the culture of it is not broken by the school itself. My kids go to a scholl where: 1: you can only ever arrange playdates or gatherings with a maximum of 2 other kids - or its the whole class 2: bullying is not allowed in any way shape or form 3: no one is allowed to exclude others from games, plays or events 4: this is rigorously…

At my school, no rules - or kids - had to be "broken". It was not supression of a behaviour, the behaviour just did not exist. If people behaved badly, the group was self-governing, making clear to the offender that their behaviour was "not cool" - and thus, they weren't. If you have a cultural problem that shows itself in bullying, fire the teachers. Also consider stopping adversarial school activities. If these rul…

Well added to that is that you have to take every single one in your class home for a playdate at least once, and that multiple playdates in a row with the same kids are discouraged. It seems draconic and controlling - but it creates an incredible cohesive social group in each class

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#186

Post by DocTomoe »

bythreads wrote: post #184
DocTomoe wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At my school, no rules - or kids - had to be "broken". It was not supression of a behaviour, the behaviour just did not exist. If people behaved badly, the group was self-governing, making clear to the offender that their behaviour was "not cool" - and thus, they weren't. If you have a cultural problem that shows itself in bullying, fire the teachers. Also consider stopping adversarial school activities. If these rul…

Well added to that is that you have to take every single one in your class home for a playdate at least once, and that multiple playdates in a row with the same kids are discouraged. It seems draconic and controlling - but it creates an incredible cohesive social group in each class

It seems like it actively discourages creating bonds and friendships in exchange of a "greater common good".

It also seems like they should have gotten an ethics committee approval on what is very obviously a psychological experiment on minors, similar to Muzafer Sherif's "Robber's Cave" [1]?

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robbers_Cave_Experiment

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#187

Post by andrewflnr »

noduerme wrote: post #144
tkgally wrote: post #130

The American writer Calvin Trillin wrote a short story called “A Christmas Shopping Tale” about how this kind of gift-giving might not always be welcome. It appears in his book Too Soon to Tell (1995). Excerpts: “There was once a man named Arthur Robinson who was, as they say, very hard to shop for. He was a nice man, but as the Christmas shopping season began every year, his family and close friends and business ass…

I think this is untrue in a couple of ways. Firstly, people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Secondly, people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of. Thirdly, Americans don't use the word "dreadful".

> people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it.

Not the question. The resentment comes from being expected to pretend you appreciate "gifts" that are nothing but chaff in the gears of your life. Ask me how I know (actually don't, you can guess, right?).

> people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of

What? No. I don't know about you or the people you've been hanging around with, but some of us have actual tastes of our own. The phenomenon of people being deluged in variations of the same thoughtless personal-meme-gift is well-attested. I'm not aware of any cases where the recipient actually changed their personality to fit, and I would further claim that it's unhealthy to try.

Honestly, what are you trying to do here? Whatever it is, stop.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#188

Post by skeeter2020 »

fsckboy wrote: post #169
bythreads wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together. There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class sayin…

btw "cue the other kids laughing", rather than queue. In stage acting a cue is a signal to synchronize things like a new player entering the stage.

maybe they get the kids all lined up and ready to take their turn laughing; that feels like a public school-type activity.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#189

Post by skeeter2020 »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

Even in a relatively more homogenous North America individual experiences are going to differ greatly. I think it's more illustrative to compare your public school years with post secondary, that's where I saw a huge difference.IMO the attributes that were mocked (and thus likely supressed) suddenly become unique and desireable. This might have been because if you somehow managed to maintain "the good type of weird" just when so many young adults were trying to figure out who they really were, you were ahead of the game.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#190

Post by JackMorgan »

rootveg wrote: post #81
bliteben wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was recently struck by this tidbit about Cormac McCarthy: > As a child, McCarthy saw no value in school, preferring to pursue his own interests. He described a moment when his teacher asked the class about their hobbies. McCarthy answered eagerly, as he later said, "I was the only one with any hobbies and I had every hobby there was ... name anything, no matter how esoteric. I could have given everyone a hobby and…

Not to mock but that sounds like a classic ADHD trait... coming from someone who in the last few month bought a e-piano, started painting and sailing

If you are clinically unable to persue and enjoy them maybe it is ADHD.

I myself paint watercolor and oil, am learning violin, joined a sailboat race team, am writing a book, started my own successful business that earns my living, lift weights, read 35 books, hiked 1000 miles of the AT, and became a volunteer firefighter, all this year. I'm currently designing a cabin I want to build. I'm having a blast. I definitely don't do as much with any of these hobbies as someone who only has one hobby, but I don't care, give me variety!

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